


A Murder Of Crows

by Half



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: AU- Dark Ages, AU- Middle Ages, Don't panic nobody from the BBD dies, F/F, stuff gets grim but there are swords and honestly what more do you need
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-23
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-01-21 20:57:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 23
Words: 38,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12465808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Half/pseuds/Half
Summary: In the midst of tragedy the Earps must pull together to exact their revenge and stop a powerful evil before they lose everyone they love.





	1. there's a reckonin' a-comin'

**Author's Note:**

> No, seriously, remember: Nobody from the BBD dies.
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr @youreagoodliar
> 
> Evil Plot Cohort: TheGaySmurf

**-PRESENT DAY-**

“Well, that might be a problem,” Nicole Haught says dryly as she pulls her horse to a stop at the top of a hill.

“What are we stopping for?” Wynonna Earp asks from the horse behind her.

Wynonna’s sister, Waverly, comes to a halt next to Nicole. “Oooooo, boy. That is a lot of Cultists.”

In the valley below them, marching in an organized line, a row of people in black leather robes and pale white crow masks makes its way north.

“They’ll find the North Haven if they keep going,” Waverly murmurs. “We can’t let that happen.”

Wynonna adjusts her brown leather bracers and tightens the dark yellow cloak that’s hooked to her shoulders. “What are we standing around here for, then?” she asks with a grin. “We have a job to do.” She sets her horse off at a gallop, heading towards the front of the line.

“She needs to be more careful,” Nicole sighs. “We’ve seen far too many times just what the Cult of Bulshar can do.”

Waverly pulls her horse just a bit closer and reaches over, stroking Nicole’s cheek with a gloved hand. “We’ll be fine. We always are, right?”

“I suppose.” Nicole glances up at the hill opposite theirs. “I just have a bad feeling. Like we’re being watched.”

“It’s probably me staring at how nice you always look in your armor,” Waverly teases gently. She kisses Nicole quickly before taking off after her sister.

Nicole watches her match pace beside Wynonna before fading off towards the back, setting up to surround the line. She waits, watching the Cultists, and takes off as soon as they begin to react.

The land in which they live is lawless. Untamed. Untouched by the kings and emperors who conquered other continents. The only law in these parts is them- the Earps and Nicole Haught. So they do the best they can.

Even when a cult of maniacs is doing whatever possible to disrupt the peace they have all achieved.

Nicole gets to the bottom of the hill and immediately dismounts, patting her horse on the side to dismiss it.

The local horsemaster and blacksmith, Mattie Perley, had long ago ensured that every horse the trio used was trained to leave a battlefield and return to its master afterwards.

After all, the girls work best on foot.

Nicole draws her claymore and slashes at a Cultist who lunges at her, their sickle swinging far too late. She makes her way through the growing crowd, towards Waverly, who’s moving fast and hitting her targets before most have even realized she’s there.

Once they’re side by side, they’re even more deadly.

“Thanks,” Waverly says breathlessly as Nicole kills a Cultist who was about to stab her in the back.

“How many times do I need to save you before you do something special for me later?” Nicole asks, winking at her before kicking a sickle away from an enemy on the ground.

Waverly laughs. “Are you flirting with me mid-battle, Haught?”

“Depends. Do you like it?”

“Very much so.”

Wynonna runs past them, her crusader sword gripped tight in her hands. “Can you two assholes do this shit later?” she demands before she disappears into a crowd of black robes.

“Sorry, sweetheart,” Nicole says with another wink. “Duty calls.”

She turns back towards the mob with the sound of Waverly’s laughter echoing in her ears.

 

+++

 

Their horses come back once they’re surrounded by nothing but bodies.

A few Cultists had fled, they knew. It didn’t bother them.

They would undoubtedly return later.

“Waverly, are you alright?” Nicole asks as Waverly limps over to her horse, blood dripping out from under her right greave.

“I’m fine,” Waverly says with a pained grin. “One of the bastards hooked me, that’s all.”

“Here,” Nicole murmurs, unpinning her bright blue cloak. She sets it down on the grass and carefully helps Waverly sit down on it. “Are you okay to travel?”

As Nicole kneels down next to her, Waverly chuckles softly. “Yes. I’ll be alright. I’ll just need some patching up at the next haven.” She leans up to press a quick kiss to Nicole’s lips. “You don’t need to worry so much.”

Wynonna heads over to them, carrying gold and supplies she swiped from the dead. “What?” she says to Waverly’s irritated look. “They steal from us all the time, baby girl. I’m just paying them back for it.” She flings a silver piece at Nicole’s head, snickering when it bounces off her temple. “There you go, Haught.”

“Ow,” Nicole grumbles. She picks up the silver and asks, “What’s this for?”

Wynonna looks at her somberly. “It’s your salary.”

“Wow,” Nicole deadpans. “A single piece of silver. I’m going to be rich.”

“Hey, _I_ was going to pay you in prostitutes and booze, but Waverly nixed that idea.”

Nicole snorts. “Sure you’d be willing the give up the alcohol even for a present.”

Wynonna takes her dagger out of her belt and points it at her. “You’re lucky you’re my best friend, smartass, or I’d stab you.”

“Uh-huh. All bark, no bite.”

With a grin on her face, Wynonna advances forward, but the moment is interrupted by a piercing cry.

The trio looks up to the top of the hill that had been opposite them earlier and sees a large group of Cultists.

At the front of the group is Bulshar himself, right alongside two lieutenants in gray leather robes.

“Oh… shit…” Wynonna whispers.

Nicole draws her sword. “Wynonna, get her out of here.”

 _“What?”_ Wynonna and Waverly yell simultaneously.

 _“Listen to me,”_ Nicole snarls, giving them a wild look. “Waverly, there is no way you can fight with your leg like that. You’ll get yourself killed. And Wynonna…”

“I’m not leaving you to do this by yourself,” Wynonna interrupts stubbornly.

Nicole meets her gaze and lowers her voice. “You have to.”

_“Why?”_

Nicole moves rapidly as Waverly opens her mouth to protest, hitting her hard in the face. The impact stuns her, causing her to slump senseless on Nicole’s cloak.

“Because you’re the only one who can guarantee she’ll leave,” Nicole whispers. “And you’re the only one she’ll be able to forgive.”

Wynonna holds out her fist and Nicole rests her hand down on top of it, a gesture they had done since childhood.

“You better be right behind us, Haught,” she says, her voice low and hoarse.

Nicole gives her what she hopes is a convincing grin. “That’s my job, isn’t it?”

Wynonna scoops Waverly up, bundling her in Nicole’s cloak. Nicole helps her get up onto one of the horses and watches as they ride off.

Then she turns just as the mob rushes down the hill towards her.

Nicole easily takes out five of them almost immediately, but the sixth catches her off-guard, hitting her in the lower back with their blade. As she turns to stab through the black leather behind her, one of the gray-coated lieutenants hurries towards her and slices through the skin on her thigh.

She fights back as much as she can. Takes as many of them out as she can. But alone against a mob, it’s simply not enough.

When she collapses to the ground, bloodied and exhausted, she fights to push herself back to her feet. Before she can, the two lieutenants grab her and pin her down, each at one arm. When she kicks her feet futilely, black-garbed Cultists stand on her ankles.

She’s trying to extract her hand to reach for her claymore when Bulshar walks towards her.

“I must say, you put up quite a fight.” His voice is, somehow, simultaneously deep and strong and rasping. The sword on his belt his short, with a handle made of bone, and when he draws it the sound makes the hair on the back of Nicole’s neck stand up.

“Quite a fight…” he whispers. “Just not enough.”

He raises his sword, and Nicole sees Waverly flash before her eyes.

Then her whole world goes dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time References For This Fic:
> 
> Hours/Minutes/Seconds are the same  
> Moon = full moon to full moon, about a month our time  
> Sun = sunrise to sunrise, the equivalent of a day our time  
> Quarter Moon = about a week  
> Half Moon = about two weeks  
> Season = spring, summer, fall, winter; approximately three months  
> Cycle = one full cycle of spring -> summer -> fall -> winter; about a year our time


	2. at the crossroads

**-ONE QUARTER-MOON AGO-**

Sunlight crept through the slats in the window of Waverly’s bedroom in the Central Haven.

As the light hit her eyes, Waverly groaned and rolled over, burying her face against Nicole’s skin.

“Make it go away,” she mumbled.

Under her, she felt the low rumble of Nicole chuckling quietly. “It’s the sun, sweetheart.”

“What’s your point?”

“I can’t fight the sun, darling.”

Waverly shifted a bit, pressing sleepy kisses to Nicole’s collarbone. “What good are you, then?”

Nicole rolled her over and said, “How about I get up and see if I can talk Gus into making breakfast?”

Waverly laughed, nipping at Nicole’s jaw. “You could talk her into anything.”

“Then you have nothing to lose, do you?” Nicole kissed her, long and slow, before rolling out of bed and pulling on her breeches and tunic. As she laced up her boots, she said, “We got in so late last night. I don’t think anybody else really knows we’re here.”

“Are you sure?” Waverly snorted. “Wynonna was probably up all night in the tavern regaling everyone with false tales of grandeur.”

“Well, she must be entertained somehow, I suppose.” Nicole put on her blue leather jerkin and began to button it up. She smirked slightly when she noticed Waverly watching her every move. “How do I look, sweetheart?”

Waverly gave a soft groan and rolled over, hiding her face in her pillow. “You always look good. That’s the problem with you.”

“I can live with that.” Nicole tossed the blankets off of Waverly and gave a sharp whistle. “Just like I can live with _that_.”

Waverly extracted the pillow from under her head and threw it directly at Nicole’s face. “Get out, jackass.”

Nicole caught the pillow and grinned. “That’s hardly the way to treat someone who can pick you up.”

“… Haught. How much do you value your life?”

“Tons, but only because you’re in it, darling.” Nicole winked and hurried out of the room before Waverly could launch another pillow at her head.

 

+++

 

Curtis McCready, an older man with thick brown hair and a graying beard, rapped Nicole on the knuckles with a wooden spoon as she tried to steal a taste of the soup he was making over the fire in the kitchen.

“It’s for dinner,” he scolded.

“But Curtis,” Nicole whined, “Gus won’t make me breakfast, and I’m hungry.”

Curtis laughed, reaching up briefly to ruffle Nicole’s chin-length hair. “You can pout at me all you want, little one, but I’m not going to try to talk her into making you food.”

“Fine; guess I’ll just starve.”

“Dramatic. What do you eat when you’re traveling?”

Nicole paused. “Whiskey?”

Curtis lightly smacked her on the tip of the nose with the spoon. “Oh, get out of here, you hooligan. Go find Wynonna. Maybe the two of you can barter with the Missus until she feeds you.”

With a grin on her face as she headed towards the door, Nicole asked, “Could you tell Waverly where I’ve gone once she gets up?”

“Little one, I’ll make sure you don’t get in trouble with your girl,” Curtis said, a smile twitching at the corners of his lips.

 

+++

 

Nicole found Wynonna asleep on a log near the training square. She rolled her eyes and found a bucket of water that they usually used for their horses.

And she dumped it over Wynonna’s head.

_“O’m’fuk!”_ Wynonna spluttered, falling off the log and coughing.

“Wow, that was a better reaction than I was expecting,” Nicole said dryly, looking down at her on the ground.

Wynonna glowered up at her. “Haught,” she growled.

“Yes?”

There was no verbal answer. Instead, Wynonna surged onto her feet and tackled Nicole around the waist. They tumbled onto the training square, wrestling and each trying to pin the other down.

Wynonna got the upper hand, trapping Nicole under her with her arm resting on Nicole’s throat. She used her free hand to squeeze her wet hair out onto Nicole’s face. “Do you _enjoy_ being an ass, Haught?”

“Not as much as I _enjoyed_ your sister last night,” Nicole retorted.

Wynonna glared down at her for a long moment before bursting into laughter and collapsing off of her, lying on her back on the dirt square, giggling. Nicole started laughing too, and they started gently punching each other in the shoulder.

“Kids! If you’re going to lie there like slugs, I can give you chores to do!”

Nicole and Wynonna looked up and saw Ruthie Hunter, the woman who had raised Nicole, standing by the log with her arms crossed.

“U-Uh… we’re… working hard,” Nicole mumbled.

“Sure you are. When were you going to tell me you were back home?”

Nicole sprung onto her feet in a fluid movement and walked over to Ruthie, beaming. “It was _so_ late last night. I wouldn’t have wanted to wake you.”

“Now you’re just covering your ass, girl.” Ruthie took her face in her hands. “Are you eating enough? You don’t look like you’re eating enough.”

“I’m eating fine. Probably.”

_“Nicole Haught.”_

“I would be eating better if Gus would feed me breakfast,” Nicole said with a smirk.

Ruthie snorted. “Oh, honey. You’re lucky you’re cute.”

Nicole turned to look at Wynonna, who was still lying on the ground. They simultaneously said, “We know.”

 

+++

 

The three of them walked through the haven back towards the McCready house. Along the way, every person who noticed them stopped them to say hello and ask them when they had returned.

“It’s insufferable,” Ruthie teased as they left what had to be the twelfth random conversation. “Everyone here thinks the three of you are so _cool_. You’d think they’d be smarter than that, since most of them watched you beat each other up all the time while you were kids.” She gave them a pointed look. “And while you’re adults.”

“They just like the cool cloaks we wear,” Wynonna joked. She patted Nicole heavily on the back. “Nic here should wear hers more often, so that people don’t forget who she is. Since she’s not as _famous_ , y’know.”

“Ah, screw off,” Nicole said. She flushed when Ruthie glared at her. “Uhm. I mean. Uh. Hush, Wynonna.”

 

+++

 

Waverly was happily eating eggs and corned beef hash when they walked into the McCready house.

“Hey, sweetheart,” she said through a full mouth, “I thought you were going to talk to Gus?”

Nicole groaned and looked at Gus McCready, who was mixing up eggs and hash over the fire Curtis’s soup had momentarily vacated. “Come on. You said you didn’t want to. I’ve spent half the morning trying to find people who could convince you.”

Gus snorted. “And you got Wynonna?”

Wynonna frowned as she took a seat and stole a forkful of Waverly’s breakfast. “Thanks, Gus. Do I at least get food?”

“After Nicole gets some.”

“Ha,” Nicole said as she sat next to Waverly.

Wynonna pouted. “Am I _nobody’s_ favorite?”

Waverly patted her hand. “I’m sure your horse likes you.” Ignoring Wynonna’s curses, she turned to Nicole and stuck a forkful of food into her partner’s mouth. “So much for you getting breakfast going, huh?”

Nicole swallowed before grinning. “Well, it worked eventually, didn’t it?”

“Hm.” Waverly kissed her quickly. “You’re lucky I love you.”

Nicole stole her orange juice and took a sip. “I know, darling. I know.”

 

+++++

 

**-PRESENT DAY-**

“It can’t be true,” Gus whispers, looking from Wynonna to Waverly. “She can’t… Nicole can’t be…”

“Did you see her die?” Curtis asks, his voice rough, as if he’s trying not to let it crack.

Wynonna nods her head slowly. “I saw Bulshar come down himself. He had his lieutenants pin her down, and then he raised his sword and brought it down straight on her.” She looks down at the floor, her hands shaking. “I couldn’t watch any more. I had to get Waverly out of there. And I-I… I just… I didn’t want to know what else they were going to do.”

Ruthie, sitting on the couch in between the McCreadys, starts to say something. Then she just gives up, and walks out of the room.

They can hear her start to cry as the door swings shut.

“We have to go back.”

Wynonna turns to Waverly, sitting in the corner of the room with Nicole’s cloak wrapped around her like a blanket. Her voice is quiet and hoarse, and it’s the first time she’s spoken since she screamed Nicole’s name as Wynonna dragged her away.

She meets her older sister’s eyes and whispers, “We need to go get her body, Wynonna. Please. She deserves the proper funeral.”

There’s a pause before Wynonna stands and walks over to her, crouching down in front of her. “I’m sorry, baby girl,” she croaks. “I already went back, while Gus was settling you. Her body isn’t there.”

“Then how do we know she’s dead? She might not be. Maybe she’s… Maybe she’s just…”

Wynonna puts her hand on Waverly’s shoulder. “Wave.”

She doesn’t need to say any more. Waverly buries her face in Nicole’s cloak and begins to sob.

 

+++

 

Waverly is given permission to keep Nicole’s cloak, but in place of the traditional burning of Nicole’s body, Wynonna has the leatherworkers and smiths create a set of Nicole’s armor and sword just for that purpose.

They lay the armor pieces and blade out on the pyre, almost the entire haven surrounding them.

Then, simultaneously, Wynonna and Waverly light it on fire.

Curtis begins to speak, but neither sister hears him as they crouch down side by side, watching the flames curl up into the night sky.

“I’m so sorry, Waverly,” Wynonna murmurs. “If I had done better… This shouldn’t have happened.”

“It’s not your fault,” Waverly replies softly. She tugs on the necklace string around her neck, pulling out the ring Nicole had given her several moons prior. She presses a kiss to the metal and whispers, “Goodbye, darling.”

She gets up stiffly and walks over to hug Gus tightly, letting the older woman hold her as she cries.

Wynonna stares into the flames, reaching out and picking up a handful of dirt. As she lets it slip from her fingers and build a pile in front of her, she says, “I swear on these flames, Nicole. I’m not stopping until I avenge you. Not until every last one of those bastards knows what it’s like at the end of my blade. And when I kill Bulshar, I am going to make sure that he dies knowing that it’s because he took you from me and Waverly.” She looks up at the stars, a pain deep in the chest. “Because he took you from all of us. And I swear to you, my friend, he will pay for it.”

 

+++++

 

**-PRESENT DAY: SIX MOONS LATER-**

 

Curtis crawls across the floor, trying to ignore how much blood he’s leaving in his wake. His sword is far. Maybe too far. Maybe just close enough.

He gets within an inch of the handle when it’s kicked away further by a pale gray boot. The boot smashes down on his wrist to break it, then kicks his shoulder to turn him onto his back.

The Cultist above him is in all white, staring down at him through a crow mask made of bone. Their white leather robe is already stained with blood, and he knows what it means.

He’s already dying, but this man is going to finish him off first.

The Cultist in the white garb draws his sword in a slow, sickening motion.

Curtis closes his eyes just as the blade heads down.


	3. i'm too old to die young now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to add a reference for the time indicators in this fic (for example, what a "quarter moon" equates to); I've gone back and added that to a note in the first chapter.

**-PRESENT DAY-**

Wynonna stops her horse at the top of the trail that leads down to the Central Haven. “Baby girl, how are we gonna do this?”

Waverly just shakes her head.

“Hey…” Wynonna reaches out and sets a hand on her shoulder. “I know.” She grips her reins and starts down the trail. “Come on, kiddo. Let’s go home.”

 

+++

 

The mood in the Central Haven is somber. Quiet. Almost no one looks at Waverly and Wynonna as they ride through, heading towards the McCready house.

They dismount and tie their horses to the rail in front. As they head inside, they hear Gus’s voice, harsh and cold, say, “I don’t care. I want to know. _Now_.”

“I’ll do whatever I can, but I can’t make promises or whatever,” Champ Hardy’s voice says in response. “I mean, shit, Gus, it took us like three days just to find the body.”

Wynonna doesn’t even know what they’re talking about. She’s just already mad. She bursts through the door into the fire room, where Gus is sitting on a couch next to the fireplace, talking to Champ as he paces.

“What is going on?” Wynonna demands.

Champ folds his arms across his chest, posturing as if Wynonna wasn’t the one who taught him how to hold a sword when he was ten. “I’m advising my boss. This doesn’t concern you, Earp.”

She doesn’t know where the rage comes from, but in an instant Wynonna’s dagger is in her hand, and she’s shoved Champ against the stone of the fireplace, the blade resting against his throat.

“We’re the only law in this land. Our family created the havens. _Everything_ concerns me. Do you understand?”

Champ holds up his hands slowly. “Alright, dude, calm down. It’s not that big of a-”

 _“Hardy,”_ Gus interrupts.

“Yeah?”

“Go walk the border or something.”

Champ pouts, but he nods and walks out, pausing only to wink at Waverly as he goes. Waverly, who’s standing by the door fidgeting with the ring Nicole gave her, doesn’t even notice him.

Once he’s gone, Gus says, “He means well. Mostly.”

“He’s a child,” Wynonna growls.

“Older than your sister.”

“Not in experience, he’s not.”

Gus sighs and runs her hand over her face. “I know. But he’s talented. You and Ni… You trained him, after all. He’s the best I’ve got.” She meets Wynonna’s gaze evenly. “We have to survive when you aren’t here, Wynonna.”

Wynonna drops onto the couch and rubs her aunt’s back. “I know. I’m sorry. I wish… I wish there was more we could do.”

“You say that like I don’t know that you two have been…” Gus shakes her head and looks away.

“Like we’ve been what?”

“Look, I didn’t want to say it. Not today. But ever since… Well, you and Waverly haven’t been visiting the havens nearly often enough. We’re _struggling_ without you two. The defenses are weak, and we’re barely able to fend off the attacks from the Cult.” Gus’s eyes well with tears as she adds, “It’s too easy to lose people.”

“You mean like I lost Nicole?” Waverly asks suddenly. She moves over and sits in a chair opposite the couch. “How am I supposed to go on doing the job we did together? How do I do that, Gus?”

Gus gives her a sad smile. “Oh, Waverly. I’ll let you know when I figure it out myself.”

 

+++

 

They stay for the burning of Curtis’s body.

As the flames lick the sky, Ruthie walks over to Waverly and hugs her tightly. “How are you, child?”

“I left Nicole’s cloak with Gus so that it would be safe while I traveled,” Waverly murmurs. “It will be nice to be able to sleep with it wrapped around me again.”

“You don’t need it for her to be with you, you know.”

Waverly whimpers softly. “Maybe. But I still need _her_.”

“I know, child,” Ruthie whispers in her ear. “Listen. I think you should start checking on the other havens again.”

Waverly swallows, trying not to cry. “How can I do that without Nicole? And now without Curtis… Everyone I love is dying, Ruthie, and I don’t know how to keep pushing on.”

Ruthie nods at Wynonna, who’s making Gus laugh with stories about Curtis. “You do it together. It’s what Nicole and Curtis both would’ve wanted. You know that, Waverly.”

“I do.” Waverly grips the handle of one of the kukri blades sheathed on her hip. “And I think it’s about time I got some vengeance.”

 

+++

 

Waverly and Wynonna leave the Central Haven by the end of the first quarter-moon since their arrival. Their first intended stop is the East Haven, run by Randall Nedley.

Nedley greets them warmly, his daughter Chrissy at his side. “You know, Earp,” he says briskly, squinting at Wynonna, “I was starting to think you’d finally started drinking yourself off your stool and stopped visiting us.”

“Oh, didn’t you hear? We’re disowning any havens that don’t have my favorite brand of whiskey.”

“I’ll get rid of it all right away, then,” Nedley retorts.

They head off, bickering, leaving Waverly and Chrissy alone.

“You’d think they don’t actually love each other,” Chrissy sighs. She puts her arm around Waverly’s shoulders and leads her off down a dirt trail. “Come on, Wave. Let’s have a little duel.”

 

+++

 

They set up in the training square, facing off, Waverly with her two blades and Chrissy with her sword.

“Waverly, I wanted to talk to you, actually,” Chrissy says as she dodges a swing.

“About what?”

“Well, we never really talked about Nicole.”

Waverly stiffens so much that she almost forgets to dodge. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Waves. You lost the love of your life. The woman you’ve known since you were four cycles old. That’s a _long time_. I just want to make sure you’re as okay as possible.”

“I miss her. I want her back. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to love again, and I _know_ I’ll never love anyone the way I loved Nicole.” Waverly runs her hand through her hair. “I’m not sure I know how to do this job anymore, Chrissy. Not without Nicole. It’s not the same.”

Chrissy pauses the match and puts a hand on her shoulder. “Waverly, I can’t tell you what to do. I _won’t_ tell you what to do. But I think you need to decide what’s really worse: your fear, or the thought of disappointing the memory of the woman you love.”

Waverly sighs heavily. “Dammit, Chrissy. You knew that would work.”

“Of course I did. That’s why I did it.”

 

+++

 

It takes almost half a moon for Waverly and Wynonna to arrive at the North Haven, and they’re immediately greeted by the woman they left in charge, Rosita Bustillos.

“I was starting to think you two forgot about us,” she says dryly. “I was going to start making up my own laws.”

“We’re just here to buy some supplies and to see how you’re doing,” Wynonna murmurs. “We aren’t here to step on any boots.”

Rosita steps up to her until they’re only about a foot apart. They stare each other down for a lengthy moment, then Rosita reaches up and grips Wynonna’s shoulder.

“You’re welcome here, Earp. Even when we don’t always agree, you’re always welcome.” Rosita turns and gestures further into the haven. “Come along. I’ll have Earl get together whatever supplies you need, and we can talk.”

 

+++

 

“Have there been any attacks recently?” Waverly asks softly as she paces in front of Rosita’s fireplace, drinking from a mug of tea.

Rosita leans back in her chair and downs some whiskey. “There was one a quarter moon ago. Just a small band. Nothing serious. We captured one of the blackcoats and interrogated him before we executed him.”

Wynonna sits up in her chair, her brow furrowing. “Interrogated? Did he say anything useful?”

“He was a fucking Cultist, Wynonna. Pretty much everything he said was the same mindless drivel about how Bulshar is his master and we’re all heathens.” Rosita fidgets with her glass. “There was… _one_ thing, though.”

“And? What was it?”

Rosita pauses for another moment. “We’ve been hearing rumors that, a few seasons ago, Bulshar got a new priest. You know, those assholes on the battlefields who aren’t in black but are even more maniacally devoted to him. He has his graycoats, but this one... the only thing anybody knows about them is that they wear white and their crow’s mask is made of bone. The rumors call them the White Garb Cultist, because rumors have no imagination.”

“Okay,” Waverly says slowly. “What makes this one special?”

“Not much. Not really. But… well… the Cultist I interrogated the other day?” Rosita sighs. “He said that the White Garb Cultist is the one who executed Curtis McCready.”

Wynonna finishes off her own whiskey before carefully getting up from the table. “Rosita, thank you for the hospitality, but we really must be going,” she says softly.

“What are you going to do, Earp?” Rosita demands.

Waverly, no questions asked, heads straight for the door. Wynonna shrugs. “It’s pretty simple.” She follows her sister as she adjusts her cloak on her shoulders. “I’m going to kill the White Garb Cultist.”

 

+++++

 

**-ELEVEN CYCLES AGO-**

 

Wynonna folded her arms across her chest as she stood on the roof of the McCready house and looked out over the rest of their little community.

“Hey,” a small voice called from below her. “What’re you doin’?”

Wynonna looked down and saw Nicole squinting up at her and frowning. “I’m surveying,” she replied. “It’s important.”

“You’re going to get us both in trouble again,” Nicole grumbled as she grabbed a nearby tree branch and climbed up onto the roof next to her.

“You don’t have to come up here with me,” Wynonna pointed out.

Nicole gave her a look. “At this point, it wouldn’t make a difference. We’re a package deal, and everybody knows it.”

“… Maybe not everybody.”

“Huh?”

Wynonna held out her hands. “When you look at this place, what do you see?”

Nicole shrugged. “Home.”

“Sure, but it’s not anywhere _safe_ , is it? It’s just a disorganized cluster of houses. It could be _so much more_.” Wynonna grabbed Nicole by the shoulders and shook her. “We could bring this place together as one of those… er… what’s it called in those books Waverly reads… a _town_ , Nicole. No. That’s not right for us. We should call it… a _haven_. A place for people to be _safe_.”

“It’ll never work. There’s too much land, and the resources that are spread out…”

“Keep up with me, Haught. What if we made a few of them? In different areas of the land, so that people could stay in their areas but still be in a community?” Wynonna waved a hand. “We’ll make Waverly work out the details. She’s smart like that.”

“You really think it’ll work.”

“I _know_ it will. It’s _my_ plan.”

Nicole gave her a nervous smile. “Your plans don’t always go too great, Wyn.”

“Screw off.” Wynonna put her arm around Nicole’s shoulders. “Just imagine. Imagine what it could feel like to be safe in a bed at night. Safety that’s there because _we_ made _sure_ it was there.”

“It _is_ pretty tempting,” Nicole admitted. “Though I’m not sure the people living in the outskirts are going to listen to a fourteen-year-old and a sixteen-year-old about security matters.”

“On a normal day, sure. But we’ve trained our whole lives to be able to protect the people we love, Nic.” Wynonna patted her on the back a bit too roughly, dodging out of the way of Nicole’s responding fist. “We have the skills and the knowledge. Now all we have to do is prove to them that we’re capable.” She looked out at the houses again, her gaze distant. “We won’t fail them.”


	4. i count the days

**-PRESENT DAY-**

 

They make fantastic time to the West Haven, driven by a new purpose.

John Henry Holliday meets them as they enter, his hands on his hips and his hat pulled down over his eyes.

“My scouts told me you were comin’,” he says, blowing out a large puff of cigarette smoke.

“And you’re still here, Doc?”

He shrugs. “Well, Wynonna, I reckon that you won’t cause me much trouble if I cooperate.”

Wynonna smirks at him. “If you’d like to believe that.”

Doc echoes her smirk and gestures towards a house in the haven. “Well, come into my office.”

 

+++

 

As they enter Doc’s home, he puts out his cigarette and sets his hat down on a table. “How’s the leg, Waverly?”

“It’s fine,” Waverly replies. “It healed up nice.”

“Never hurts at all?”

Waverly shifts her right leg awkwardly. “… No.”

Doc laughs and points at a chair. “Sit. I’ll mix up another healing sigil for it, okay?”

“If you insist,” Waverly says, though the relief in her eyes is obvious. She takes a seat and leans back, letting out a soft sigh.

Wynonna, moving almost mechanically, walks over and pulls off her sister’s right boot, pushing up the leg of her breeches to give Doc access to the old wound. “Doc, I have a question.”

Doc is unscrewing a jar of thick gray goop. “Go on.”

“Do you know anything about a Cultist who wears white?”

“Hm. A few rumors? A few of my supply crews reported being attacked by him and a unit of Cultists in black. I sort of assumed that it was just one of those gray garbed assholes.”

“I’ve not seen him myself, but according to Rosita, the White Garb Cultist does exist.”

Doc crouches in front of Waverly and starts drawing a series of symbols around her right calf with a feather and the gray goop. Once he’s finished, he mumbles a spell under his breath, and the gray symbols glow gold.

Waverly lets out another sigh. “I don’t even notice how stiff that is until you fix it up.”

He squeezes her knee and gives her a small smile. “It’ll heal faster if you don’t think so much about how you got it.” Without waiting for a response, he carefully pulls the leg of her breeches back down and stands up. “It’ll also heal faster if you give that spell some exercise. Why don’t you go find Jeremy and get some practice in?”

“I’m fine,” Waverly insists.

“Well, he could always use the practice, too,” Doc says with a wink.

Waverly hesitates for only a moment as she pulls her boot back on. “Alright. That seems fair.”

She heads out of the room, adjusting her knives on her belt as she goes. Wynonna grips Doc’s shoulder.

“Thank you,” she whispers. “I think she needs the distraction.”

“It’s all in her head, I think,” Doc murmurs, sadness heavy in his voice. “It should be fully healed by now. But…”

“But she got it the day Nicole died,” he finishes.

Wynonna shrugs and clears her throat to try to hide how her voice breaks. “Yeah.” She rubs at the back of her neck and whispers, “Do you think she would blame me? If she was still alive, would she blame me for leaving her behind?”

Doc gently lifts her chin to meet her gaze. “She loved you, Wynonna. She wanted you to go and be safe. To get Waverly safe. She wouldn’t have blamed you at all.”

 

+++++

 

**-EIGHT CYCLES AGO-**

 

“I have to go.”

“No,” Waverly whined, tugging Nicole down by her tunic and kissing her on the mouth. “You need to stay.”

“Darling, if I don’t go, Wynonna is going to come here and _find_ me. Commitment ceremony be damned.”

“Last night, you stood in front of a fire and swore to commit to be my partner in life.” Waverly walked her fingers up Nicole’s neck and threaded them in her hair. “You’re not going anywhere until I’m done with you. And I don’t plan on ever being done with you.”

Nicole laughed and kissed her. “Believe me, you can have as much of me as you’d like. But if I don’t go to training, that’s gonna end up being only half of me, because Wynonna is going to cut pieces off of me.”

Waverly groaned and gently shoved her away. “Fine. Go and fight my sister instead of staying and having me.”

“Baby, that’s not fair.”

“I know,” Waverly said with a smirk.

“Cruel.”

“We’re already committed; you can’t take it back.”

Nicole dramatically flopped down onto the bed, lying on top of her partner. “Eighteen years old and my life is over.”

“It certainly will be if you don’t go meet Wynonna.”

“Oh, hush up.”

“If you run late, just tell her that we were having torrid sex.”

Nicole turned her head and squinted at her. “You actually do want me dead, don’t you?”

“No, but now I really do want to know what would happen if you said that to her.”

Nicole sighed and got up, heading for the door. “Oh, boy.”

 

+++

 

Nicole slammed into the dirt and coughed, groaning and putting a hand on her ribs. “Hell, Wynonna.”

“Do you think I want to know where you put your hands at night, Haught?” Wynonna demanded.

“Well gee, I kinda thought you knew that since I was sixteen.”

Wynonna stared at her for a long moment before playfully shoving Nicole’s head to the side. “You’re an ass.”

Nicole pushed upward, flipping Wynonna over and pinning her. “Yeah, so?”

Wynonna kneed her in the side, taking the wind out of her and knocking her over. “So maybe I’m regretting letting you have my sister.”

_“I had your sister all last night.”_

Wynonna punched her lightly in the jaw, laughing at the annoyed look that flickered onto Nicole’s face. “What?”

“We had a ‘no punching’ rule for this match. No fair.”

“Yeah, well, maybe the rules went out the window when you started running your damn mouth.”

Nicole shoved the heel of her hand into Wynonna’s stomach, sending her into the dirt. “How about that, then?”

“Is that how it’s gonna-”

“Can I just say,” Waverly interrupted, sitting on a log off to the side with a smirk on her face, “that this is great fun for me?”

Wynonna and Nicole exchanged a glance. Then, in a fluid movement, they jumped to their feet and sprinted towards Waverly.

_“Oh shit don’t even think about it don’t you dare-”_

 

+++++

 

**-PRESENT DAY-**

 

Jeremy Chetri tumbles to the ground with a grunt of pain, wincing as a kukri blade is rested against his throat.

“And you’re dead,” Waverly says. She sheathes her blade, then holds out a hand to help him to his feet.

“I, uh, I think you’re a little out of my league,” he says awkwardly, brushing dirt off of his tunic. “I think, honestly, like, _everyone_ is out of my league.” His voice gets a bit of a dreamy tone to it as he adds, “I wish I could just learn magic from Henry.”

Waverly snorts. “Oh, yes, I’m sure Doc would be a _fabulous_ teacher. But you still need to know how to use a weapon, Jeremy. This could be life or death someday.”

Jeremy gives a weak whine as he picks up his cutlass. “Can’t I just, I don’t know, cheer everybody on from the back of the line? I make good pancakes?”

“Buddy, that’s not gonna help you if someone gets _through_ that line and tries to _stab you_.”

He sighs dejectedly. “Oh, alright. But could you take it easy on me?”

“The enemy won’t-”

_“Just for a little bit?”_

Waverly smirks. “You know, Doc was right. My leg feels better already.”

 

+++

 

Wynonna and Doc step out of his home as Doc lights another cigarette. He takes in a long pull of smoke, then passes it off to her. “What are you plannin’ on doin’ with this figure in white once you find them?”

“I’m going to kill him,” Wynonna says flatly. “He killed Curtis. He’s going to die for that.”

He’s silent for a moment, watching some of the people of his haven barter for goods in the central square. “I’ve learned a few things about revenge in my life, Wynonna. It never usually turns out the way we planned it.”

Wynonna sets the cigarette in her mouth, but doesn’t use it. “Yeah. Well. I don’t think I’ll ever get revenge for what Bulshar did to Nicole. So if I can do this? If I can get justice for _someone_? I’m going to do it.”

Doc pulls his hat down a bit. “Just be careful,” he says softly. “Be smart.”

Wynonna hands him his cigarette back and smirks. “C’mon, John Henry. We both know that Waverly’s the smart one here.”

They hear the thundering of hooves, and they turn in time to see a dark gray horse gallop into the haven, barely missing a small boy who’s darting across the street. The man on the back of the horse leaps off, takes a moment to check on the child, then sprints over to Wynonna and Doc.

“Dolls?” Wynonna exclaims. “What’s wrong?”

“I can’t believe you’re here, too,” Xavier Dolls pants, adjusting his icy blue cloak as it pulls around his neck. “I’m glad. We need help.”

Doc sets a hand on his shoulder to steady him. “What’s happening?”

Dolls meets his gaze evenly, strong despite his obvious fear. “The Cult of Bulshar is attacking us, led by some Cultist in a white uniform.” He swallows, and his voice wavers just slightly. “If no one helps us, the South Haven will fall.”


	5. hang on, hang on

**-ELEVEN CYCLES AGO-**  

  

"I'm going to have one of the havens built here," Wynonna said, squinting and looking out over the rolling hills. "It's near rivers, and it's not too far from coal sources. Good place to set up to find resources." 

Waverly was quiet for a moment, her hand squeezing Nicole's so tightly that the taller girl's knuckles were white. "It's also where Daddy and Willa died." 

"I know." Wynonna patted Waverly's cheek and headed for her horse. "This place has been nothing but a misery for us. I'd like to make it something better. We'll ask Shorty if he can set up down here. We trust him." 

"How will we get people to live here?" Nicole asked as she helped Waverly up onto her horse. 

"They'll come." Wynonna thought for a moment before giving a confident nod. "They will. And we'll protect them." She scanned the area once more, a serious frown on her face. "This will be the South Haven. All we need to do is build it." 

 

+++++ 

 

**-PRESENT DAY-**  

 

They run their horses as hard as they can without hurting them, but they're too late. 

When they arrive at the South Haven, it's devastated, with citizens screaming and crying in their homes and Shorty's guards lying dead in the street. "No," Dolls whispers.  _"No!"_  He sprints over to check on the other guards, while Wynonna's gaze skims further, finally falling on an older man in the tan and bronze clothing worn by the heads of havens. 

"Shit," she breathes, almost falling off her horse as she rushes to the side of Robert "Shorty" Simons. 

He's bleeding badly from several wounds that pierced his leather armor, but his eyes are still half-open, and he looks at her with surprise and relief. 

"Wynonna," he rasps. "You came. Good girl." 

"Far too late, old friend," Wynonna says, her voice cracking. Behind her, she hears Waverly stop and let out a soft sob. 

Shorty weakly grips her hand and gives her what he can of a smile. "S'alright. We were doomed th' moment they got 'ere." 

"Who were they, Shorty? Where did they go?" 

"The Cult," Shorty whispers. He stretches his hand out towards the eastern entrance, the opposite of where they had entered. "Left that way only a few min... utes ago." 

His breathing falters, and he closes his eyes. 

He doesn't open them again. 

Wynonna takes a moment, staring down at him. She sets her jaw, steels herself, and slowly gets to her feet. "Waverly," she says, her voice oddly calm. "We're leaving." 

"What?" Waverly asks, her own voice heavy with misery. "We can't just-" 

"We're hunting them down. This is ending.  _Now._ " 

Wynonna sprints towards her horse, and, after only a brief hesitation, Waverly follows. 

They ignore Dolls's shouts as they gallop out of the haven. 

 

+++++ 

 

It's not hard for them to catch up to the small cluster of Cultists. Wynonna practically jumps off of her horse, already drawing her sword, the moment she sees them. Waverly is a bit slower, rage brewing in her eyes, but caution in her steps. 

"How do you want to do this?" she asks. 

Wynonna grips her sword in her hand, her teeth clenched as the Cultists in black spread out in front of them and the one in white stands at the back, just watching them without even drawing his sword. "We kill them all." 

"Simple," Waverly says. "But effective." 

They aren't as perfect as they used to be. Fighting without Nicole is, for them, like fighting with a suddenly missing limb. The months have trained them to get as used to it as they can, however, and, while it takes far longer than it would have before, they manage to fight their way through the Black Garb Cultists. 

Throughout it all, the Cultist in white stands at the back, watching silently, gloved hand resting on their sword's hilt. When the last Cultist in black falls, Wynonna points her sword at the one in white and growls, "You. I'm going to kill you." 

The empty dark eyes of the mask stare right through her, and for a long moment Wynonna thinks he didn't hear her. Then, in a stiff, mechanical motion, he draws the greatsword from its scabbard. There's a few more heavy movements, then he rushes Wynonna in a burst of speed. 

Wynonna brings her blade up just in time to block, and they begin to duel in a violent clashing of metal. Waverly tries to sneak in and swipe at the White Garb Cultist's leg with one of her kukri knives, but the Cultist seems to sense her, spinning and kicking her in the face at the same time that he blocks a swing from Wynonna. 

The fight goes on even longer than it took Wynonna and Waverly to defeat the larger group. It eventually breaks apart, two sides standing and catching their breath, reassessing. 

"What's wrong?" Waverly whispers, frowning at the troubled look on Wynonna's face. 

"I just... I thought..." Wynonna shakes her head. "No. Nothing. It's nothing." She wipes at a thin line of blood dripping from a spot where her own blade hilt had been slammed into her mouth. "I have an idea. Remember that move you and Nic pulled on me, that first night Nic was brought to us?" 

Waverly's eyes light up, a faint glistening of memory shading them. "Yes." 

"Good." Wynonna adjusts her grip on her sword. "Then go ahead and engage this bastard." 

Throughout the small conversation, the White Garb Cultist just waits for them, wiping blood off of his sword and onto his white armor. 

Somehow, the strange lack of aggression mixed with the blood-stained robe only makes them all the more disturbing. 

Waverly rushes forward, knives in both hands, and the Cultist in white meets her easily. As soon as their blades touch, Wynonna drops her sword, sprints, and tackles the Cultist around the waist. 

With the Cultist on the ground, Waverly and Wynonna wrestle his sword away from him. Wynonna puts one knee on his ribs and another just barely resting on his throat, holding one of Waverly's knives in her hand. As Waverly gets leverage as well, Wynonna growls, "I'm going to look you in the eye as I kill you, you son of a bitch." 

She reaches down and yanks off the crow mask. 

And looks into the face of Nicole Haught. 

 

+++++ 

 

**-TWO MOONS AGO-**  

 

Curtis crawled across the floor, trying to ignore how much blood he was leaving in his wake. His sword was far. Maybe too far. Maybe just close enough. 

He got within an inch of the handle when it was kicked away further by a pale gray boot. The boot smashed down on his wrist to break it, then kicked his shoulder to turn him onto his back. 

The Cultist above him was in all white, staring down at him through a crow mask made of bone. Their white leather robe was already stained with blood, and he knew what it meant. 

He was already dying, but this man was going to finish him off first. 

The Cultist in the white garb drew his sword in a slow, sickening motion. 

Curtis closed his eyes just as the blade headed down. 

"Stop." 

The Cultist froze immediately, blade only an inch away from Curtis's throat. There was a pause, then the Cultist stood at attention, sword resting in the dirt in front of them, hands folded on top of the hilt. 

A man walked into the barn, and, despite his injuries, rage almost brought Curtis to his feet. Another carefully placed kick from the Cultist in white sent him back down to the floor. 

"Bulshar," Curtis growled. 

"I'm so glad you recognize me. This would've been terribly awkward otherwise." Bulshar stopped next to his disciple, smiling down at the bleeding man. "Curtis McCready. It's a shame we have to officially meet like this. I was hoping that we would've been able to come to an agreement before we had to resort to violence." 

"You've wished for no such thing. You just want power." 

"Perhaps. Luckily for me, I have it." Bulshar gave a cold smirk. "I have a lot of things." He rested a hand on the Cultist's shoulder. "Remove your mask, child." 

The Cultist reached up with one hand, pushing off his hood, then his mask. 

Curtis shook his head slowly. "Oh, little one," he whispered, looking up at Nicole's face. "What have they done to you?" 

Bulshar crouched down next to Curtis and lowered his voice. "You know, you should be proud. She never broke. No matter how much manipulating and brainwashing and coercion we tried on her, she always came back to you. Actually spat in my face once, can you believe that?" 

"Yes," Curtis replied coldly. 

Bulshar smirked. "Well. Regardless. It eventually became so useless that I had my Widows erase her brain completely. They carefully added back in the important parts. Motor function, how to dress herself, how to eat, how to fight, that sort of stuff. But every bit of loyalty and love she ever had for you had to be completely eradicated from her mind before I could get her to take her rightful place in my Cult. I'm truly impressed, Curtis." 

"She's stronger than you," Curtis whispered. "She'll come back, no matter what you do to her." 

"It's possible. But in any case, you won't be there to see it." Bulshar stood again and returned his voice to a normal volume. "Child. Kill the heathen." 

Nicole, her eyes blank and glassy, lifted her sword back out of the dirt. Curtis met her gaze, his own eyes filled with sorrow. "It's okay, little one," he murmured. "This isn't your fault." 

She said nothing as she stabbed him in the chest. 


	6. you can't hold me

**-NINETEEN CYCLES AGO-**

 

“Damn,” Curtis hissed as his eyes scanned the room. “I thought Bulshar would be here, at the very least.”

Shorty patted him on the shoulder. “We got rid of plenty of these Cultist bastards. That’s enough.”

“Hm. I just think that-” He broke off and tightened his grip on his sword when he heard a banging noise from behind a small door off to the side. “Flank,” he mumbled.

Curtis and Shorty made their way to the door, Shorty standing off to one side with his axe, and Curtis, his sword still in his hand, reaching for the door knob. He opened it carefully and immediately dodged out of the way of a dagger slashing at him.

Shorty raised his weapon, but Curtis held up his hand. “Don’t.”

“What is it?”

Curtis sheathed his sword, his hands in front of him, and crouched down in front of the open door. There was a little girl hiding in a storage closet, a dagger tight in her grip and fear in her eyes. Curtis took in a sharp breath as his eyes flicked down and he realized that she was wearing a small version of the black Cultist robes.

“It’s okay, little one,” he whispered softly. “This isn’t your fault. Why don’t you give me that knife?”

The girl’s eyes widened, and she shook her head quickly, taking a step back.

“Hey,” Curtis said, his voice still low and gentle. “We aren’t going to hurt you, little one. What’s your name?”

“N-Nicole Haught,” the girl squeaked.

“I’m Curtis. How old are you, Nicole?”

“Almost… Almost s-six.”

Curtis closed his eyes briefly before holding his hand out further, closer to her. “You’re very brave, little one. But you don’t need to fight us. Why don’t you put that down, and we can all get out of here. Okay? Let’s go, Nicole. You’ll be safe with us.”

“The Almighty Father said you’re bad people,” Nicole said slowly.

“The Almighty… You mean Bulshar?”

Nicole shrank away, flinching like she had been struck. “You dare speak his name?”

“I’m not afraid of him.”

“He…” Nicole glanced at Shorty before looking back at Curtis. “Mother and Mr. Haught told me not to make him mad.”

“He’s not going to get mad, Nicole. I promise. We’ll protect you, no matter what. You sound like you’re a very, very smart little girl. Can’t you see that I’m telling you the truth?”

Nicole paused for another moment before slowly holding the dagger out to Curtis, who took it quickly.

“Heathen Curtis?”

Curtis winced. “We’ll have to work on that,” he mumbled. He raised his voice again and asked, “Yes, Nicole?”

“Who’s going to protect _you_?”

 

+++++

 

**-PRESENT DAY-**

 

Nicole starts to fight against Wynonna and Waverly’s grips, her eyes cold and empty.

“Free me, you filthy heathens,” she snarls. “Free me so I can slit your throats.” She pushes upward just enough to get into Wynonna’s stunned face. “If you think I’m afraid of you, you’re horrifically mistaken.”

“Oh, Nicole,” Waverly whispers, her eyes watering.

“The Almighty Father will come for me, heathen, and he’ll make both of you bleed until your sins turn the dirt to mud. He shall slice you open and gain vengeance upon you. Do with me what you will, heathen, but I will tell nothing that could harm my master. I-”

Wynonna swallows and hits Nicole hard in the face, knocking her out. She takes in a slow breath and looks at Waverly, who’s staring blankly at her partner.

“We need to move her. We need to get her back to the South Haven. We’ll fix her, Waverly. Somehow. We’ll fix her.”

“Is it even her anymore?” Waverly rasps, her voice hoarse.

Wynonna reaches out, settling her hand on her shoulder. “We have to believe that she can be.”

 

+++

 

They ride back to the South Haven with Nicole slumped over Wynonna’s horse, her hands bound together by her belt.

“You really think we had to do that?” Waverly asks softly.

“She’s not right, baby girl,” Wynonna murmurs. “You saw. We can’t… We can’t trust her just yet.”

When they arrive at the haven, Dolls meets them, looking exhausted. His eyes widen immediately, and he asks, “Is that…?”

“Yes. But she’s not… Do you have shackles or something?”

Dolls nods and sprints away. Waverly shoots her sister a pained look. “Wynonna…”

“Waverly,” Wynonna says, her voice quiet. “We have to.”

When Dolls returns, Wynonna drags Nicole over to one of the horse tie posts and shackles her to it.

“What the hell is happening, Wynonna? Nicole is _dead_.”

“Apparently not.” Wynonna sets her hands on her hips. “I don’t understand. I don’t know what they did to her, but she’s not right, Xavier. She was… is…”

Dolls nods at the white uniform. “The White Garb Cultist?”

“… Yeah.”

“They broke her?”

_“I don’t know, Xavier.”_ Wynonna runs a gloved hand through her hair and sighs. “I just… I don’t know. I don’t know what to do.”

Dolls studies Nicole for a moment. “One of these days you’re going to give someone a serious brain injury, Earp.”

“How are we supposed to bring her back?” Waverly whimpers, her arms wrapped around herself as she stares at Nicole’s face. “What did they _do_ to her?”

“Hey.” Wynonna walks over to Waverly and cups her face in her hands, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. “We will make it right, baby girl. I swear it.” She hugs her sister and glances back at Dolls. “Could we borrow a cart? Something where we can chain Nic up in the back and transport her?”

“Of course. Where will you take her?”

“To Doc. Maybe his magic has some solution.”

“Good plan. Somebody needs to ask Eliza to get the cart set up, and then you’ll be all set.”

“I’ll go,” Waverly whispers, pulling out of Wynonna’s grip. She heads off towards the stables.

Dolls steps closer to Wynonna and lowers his voice. “I know I don’t need to remind you that you might not be able to get Nicole back. And if that happens, you need to be prepared.”

Wynonna grits her teeth. “Xavier, I am not executing my best friend and the love of my sister’s life after we spent eight moons thinking she was dead.”

“I understand that,” he murmurs gently. “But the Nicole you know might not be there anymore. What’s crueler, Wynonna? Leaving her like this, chained up, forever? Until you either find some cure that could take forty seasons to locate, or until she breaks loose and kills someone else?”

There’s a long pause as Wynonna kicks at some dirt, watching Nicole breathe. “I know,” she whispers finally. “I know, Xavier. But I just…” She meets his gaze and gives a soft smile. “I need to try first, don’t I?”

Dolls pats her shoulder, the grim smile on his face echoing hers. “Sure, Wynonna. Whatever you need.”

 

+++++

 

**-TEN CYCLES AGO-**

 

“You’re fucking cheating, Henry,” Dolls spluttered as he fell face-first into the dirt.

“It is not my fault if you can’t keep up with my magic, Xavier,” Doc replied, taking a step back and grinning as he adjusted his grip on his dagger. “I suppose you just are not as good as you say you are.” His mustache twitched. “Likely in _many_ areas.”

“Why you little-” Dolls scrambled to his feet and tackled Doc around the waist, sending him tumbling to the ground.

Waverly and Nicole wandered over to the training circle, stopping next to Wynonna, who was watching the fight with mild interest.

“What exactly is happening here?” Nicole asked.

“The boys are fighting over me,” Wynonna replied simply.

“Hm.” Nicole sat down on a log and started using a twig to scrape mud out of the soles of her boots. “Seems a bit stupid.”

“Oh, I know. It’s just fun to watch.”

Waverly winced. “I didn’t know Doc could throw people with his mind now.”

“Yeah, he’s really getting good with that stuff.”

“Mhm.” Wynonna shrugged. “I’ll probably sleep with both of them eventually, but not when they’re being fools.” She rubbed the back of her neck. “Though, I suppose that it _would_ be hot to drag one of them back home before Gus and Curtis get there.”

Waverly shot Nicole a look over her sister’s shoulder, smirking and raising her eyebrows. Nicole coughed into her fist, the tips of her ears flushing pink. “Er… Maybe that’s not such a good idea?” Nicole offered, her voice cracked just slightly. “Aren’t they still a bit angry with you for stealing Peacemaker?”

“Excuse me.” Wynonna took the dagger off of her belt, turning it in the light so that the intricate designs on the blade glinted in the sunlight. “This is _my_ ancestral weapon.”

Nicole gave an innocent whistle. “Yeah, and you couldn’t kill a tree branch with it.”

Wynonna’s eyes narrowed. “What?”

“I’ve never seen you actually fight with that thing, so… I have to assume that you _can’t_.”

Wynonna considered briefly before pointing the blade at Nicole. “I can’t kill you until we finish the construction of the havens and appointing leaders for them. So I guess the boys drew the short straw. I’ll duel you one on one afterwards.” She turned and rushed into the fight between Doc and Dolls, yelling a battle cry.

Waverly walked over to Nicole and skimmed her fingers along the back of her neck. “Very masterfully done, Haught,” she whispered in Nicole’s ear.

“I don’t know what you mean. Watching Wynonna kill them would be very entertaining.”

Waverly glanced up to make sure the others were distracted, then pressed a kiss behind Nicole’s ear and ran her fingers down under her jerkin and tunic to skim against her collarbone. “I can offer you much more… _interactive_ entertainment.”

Nicole swallowed and stood, taking Waverly by the hand and pulling her back towards the McCready house. Waverly laughed. “What about the duel?”

“Screw it.” Nicole spun Waverly around and trapped her against a tree, her hands resting on the shorter girl’s hips. “I’d live the life of a coal miner if it meant having time with you, Waverly Earp.”

Waverly cupped Nicole’s face in her hands, beaming up at her. “Well. I guess it’s a good thing we’re both fighters then, huh?”

“Yeah, because I’d be a really terrible coal miner.”

Waverly laughed again and leaned up to kiss her quickly. Then she threaded her fingers with Nicole’s and pulled her along the rest of their path.


	7. don't take that sinner from me

**-PRESENT DAY-**

 

The cart is on its way to the West Haven when Nicole wakes up.

She’s shackled to a metal loop bolted into the floor of the covered cart, in the center so she can’t reach out the back and can’t reach either of the sisters. Wynonna is in the seat at the front driving the horses, while Waverly sits just behind her, staring at her partner.

“You should’ve killed me,” Nicole snarls, yanking on the chain around her wrists.

“We aren’t going to do that, Nicole,” Waverly whispers. “Don’t you remember me? Baby, please.”

Nicole snorts. “Why would I remember _you_?”

Waverly hesitates, her jaw tightening. “We were in love once. I still love you.”

“I think I’d remember pretending to love a heathen.” Nicole sneers at her. “What kind of worthless fool needs to make up something like that just to make yourself feel better?” She surges forward until she’s at the end of her rope, a foot and a half from where Waverly is sitting. “How about I just kill you and put you out of your pathetic misery?”

“You’ll remember,” Waverly whispers. “You will.”

“Oh, of course. Going to tell me some bedtime stories? Sorry, heathen, but I’m not interested.”

“Waverly,” Wynona says sharply. “Come up here for a bit, please?”

“Yes, Waverly,” Nicole says, mockery thick in her voice. “Why don’t you run along?”

“You will remember.” Waverly climbs over the seat and sits next to Wynonna. She drops her voice and murmurs, “You have to.”

 

+++

 

When they stop, about halfway to Doc’s, Wynonna sets Waverly up in a tent in front of a fire just outside of the cart. Once she’s sure her little sister is asleep, she crawls into the back of the cart and sits across from Nicole.

“Do you know your name?”

Nicole sneers at her. “I have no name. I am a Child of Bulshar, the Almighty Father. We shed our unholy names on the eve of our tenth cycle, when we pledge our loyalty.”

Wynonna toys with her dagger, avoiding meeting Nicole’s dark eyes. “You weren’t with Bulshar when you were ten. You were with us. Remember? It was the first time we were allowed to duel with real swords. I kicked your ass because Waverly smiled at you and you got flustered.”

“You cannot sway me with tales of false history, heathen. You might as well run me through with your sword. You will make just as much progress.”

Just barely stifling a sniff, Wynonna rubs at her nose with the back of her hand. “Nicole, please.”

Nicole surges forward and snarls, “I’m not whichever pet you think I am! I am a Child of Bulshar, a Soldier of the Almighty Father. I will free myself from these bindings, and I will slaughter you, your heathen of a sister, and everyone you love. I will-”

Wynonna stands up quickly and climbs back out of the cart. She lies down on the driver’s bench and stares at the sky, trying to block out the sound as Nicole continues to rant.

“It’s not her,” she whispers. “You’re not her.”

 

+++

 

It takes them twelve suns to get to Doc’s. When Jeremy meets them at the gate, Wynonna says, “We need to see Doc. No questions asked.” Her voice softens. “Please.”

Jeremy nods, his eyes widening when he hears Nicole’s voice spit a threat from the back. “Whatever… Whatever you need.”

Waverly and Wynonna wrestle Nicole into Doc’s place, ignoring the shocked look on his face as they pass him and chain her down in one of his workrooms.

“Watch her,” Wynonna orders, pressing a gentle kiss to the side of Waverly’s head.

Waverly nods stiffly and sits down in a chair as far away from Nicole as she can get.

Wynonna follows Doc out into the kitchen, where he promptly demands, “What in tarnation is going on? Nicole is _dead_.”

“That’s what I thought,” Wynonna says hoarsely. She sits down heavily in a nearby chair, grabbing for a bottle of whisky he’s left on the table. She takes a large gulp before continuing, “I don’t understand it, either, Doc. Bulshar didn’t kill her. He _took_ her. And he did something to her head… I don’t know. She doesn’t remember any of it. Us. Waverly. She’s not… right. She’s _pleased_ about what she’s done to us. And that’s not Nicole.”

Doc sighs and sits across from her, resting a comforting hand on her knee. “What do you want me to do?”

“Can you fix her?” Wynonna asks, trying not to dare to let hope creep into her voice.

He sighs again. “I don’t know. It depends on what they did to her. I might not be able to bring her memories back to the front. If that’s the case, all I’ll be able to do is calm her down. Sedate her. At least make her relax so she isn’t fighting the restraints and screaming at you.”

Wynonna hesitates only a moment. “I would appreciate that. I’m worried that she’ll hurt herself if she keeps straining. She’s already causing her wrists to bleed.”

“I can take care of that.” Doc stands and squeezes her shoulder. “I’ll do anything I can, Wynonna. She’s my friend, too.”

“I know.” She meets his gaze evenly. “Thank you.”

“Never a problem. Ever.”

+++

Waverly sits across from Nicole, watching her fidget with the shackles in an attempt to remove them.

“We’re not going to let you leave,” she says softly. “We want you be safe.”

Nicole laughs loudly. “ _Safe?_ None of you are _safe_. You signed your death warrants the moment you removed me from the battlefield. Bulshar is going to find you and _punish_ you for my capture. I would gladly fulfill the act _for_ him, as soon as I can get close enough to do it.”

“You won’t. That’s not who you are.”

“Not these lies again.” Nicole rolls her eyes. “Don’t you have any better material?”

“We were in love,” Waverly whispers. “I still love you.”

“And I would never love a heathen,” Nicole replies harshly.

Waverly visibly flinches, but her voice is strong as she says, “That’s only because the man you think is your savior is nothing but a liar. A corrupting monster who forced you to believe falsehoods. He’s not a god, Nicole. He’s just a man who thinks he’s special.”

“You _dare_ speak of the Almighty Father this way?” Nicole demands, straining against her restraints in an attempt to get to Waverly.

“Yes.”

“He’ll slice out your tongue, _heathen_.”

A faint smile flickers across Waverly’s lips. “Now who’s running out of material?”

Nicole blinks at her, looking almost confused. Before she can respond, however, the door opens, and Doc enters the room.

“I need a few minutes, Waverly, if you will.”

Waverly nods and walks out, leaving Nicole staring after her.

+++

“There’s a very faint spark in there,” Doc says once he walks back out to the kitchen, where both Waverly and Wynonna are drinking. “Far, far back in her mind. I know that it’s Nicole, but I can’t get to it. I’m not sure anyone could. I’m not sure Bulshar’s people could even tell it was there. The only reason I could is because I already _know_ her.”

“What does that mean?” Wynonna asks.

Doc sits down in his chair with a sigh. “Unfortunately, it’s not great news. I can’t bring the memories back to the foreground. She’s still… _that_. From what I can tell, she wasn’t brainwashed so much as her brain was completely erased and rewritten. She never had a chance. I put a sigil on the back of her neck that will keep her sedated until it’s removed, but… I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to bring her back. I…”

“You what, Doc?” Waverly growls.

He looks at her, sadness in his eyes. “I don’t know if it’s possible.”

Waverly swallows, trying to keep her voice from cracking. “Well. We have to try, don’t we?”

“Waves,” Wynonna whispers.

_“What?”_ Waverly rounds on her, eyes blazing. “I am not giving up on her. Not after I just got her back. I have to _try_ , Wynonna. I love her. More than I’ve ever loved anyone or anything. Please.”

Wynonna bites her lip, pausing for a long moment before nodding. “Okay.” She clears her throat and raises her voice. “Okay. But I’m not making Gus and Ruthie see her like this. It’ll take about three-quarters of a moon to get back to the Central Haven from here. That’s how long we have to figure out what to do. Understand? I’m not making them watch Nicole act like a loyal soldier of Bulshar. I’m not…” She swallows and closes her eyes. “I’m not letting that false version of Nicole taunt Gus about what it…”

“I get it, Wynonna,” Waverly murmurs. “I do. Okay?”

“Right.” Wynonna clears her throat again and stands. “Let’s get moving, then.”


	8. i'll light a candle when darkness falls

**-PRESENT DAY-**

 

The ink pressed onto Nicole’s skin is in the shape of a rune not unlike the ones carved into the handle of Wynonna’s dagger.

Those stand for protection.

This one is something… else.

The fiery light of battle and rage has died out of Nicole’s eyes and faded into mute submission, and Wynonna almost has to look away. Waverly does; she makes a choking sob sound deep in her throat and turns towards the wall, her hand covering her mouth.

Wynonna swallows and forces her head up to meet Doc’s gaze. He’s looking at her with a heavy sadness in his eyes, and that alone would be enough to shatter her heart. “This will keep her from hurting herself?”

“Yes,” he whispers. “You can remove it whenever you need to. But it will give you time to think of a plan.”

“Good. Great.” Wynonna sighs and rests her hand on Doc’s shoulder. “Thank you, Henry.”

“Of course. Anything.”

“Do you think we could have a few supplies?”

“Absolutely.”

“Thank you.” Wynonna crouches down in front of Nicole and gently lifts her chin. “Hey,” she says softly. “We’re going to be leaving. Can you get up for me?”

Nicole just nods and stands, her gaze distant.

“Waverly’s going to escort you out, okay?”

Waverly looks at her, alarm in her eyes. Wynonna just raises an eyebrow.

“Y-Yeah. Right. Yeah. Come here, Nicole.” Waverly takes Nicole by the arm, her fingers trembling as if she’s afraid to touch her. She pulls Nicole out of the room, and Nicole follows along obediently.

“I don’t like this,” Wynonna rasps.

“Neither do I,” Doc admits. “But I don’t know what else to do.”

 

+++

 

“These are just a precaution for right now, okay?” Waverly says as she clips the shackles around Nicole’s wrists again.

Nicole nods and sits down, gently against the panel side behind her.

“Nicole, can’t you remember me?” Waverly sits cross-legged across from her. “Don’t you remember the first time we met?”

She only gets a shrug in response.

Waverly shifts forward and rests her hand on Nicole’s knee. “Let me remind you. Please.”

 

+++++

 

**-NINETEEN CYCLES AGO-**

 

Curtis got off of his horse and reached up to help the little girl down as well. She stayed right by his side as he led the horse towards the sea of tents set up in neat rows.

“This can be your home,” he murmured, setting his hand at the base of her neck. “If you’d like, that is.”

She looked up at him, brown eyes wide with a mix of fear and curiosity.

“Go on,” he prompted gently. “Take a look.”

Nicole took a few cautious steps forward, towards the first row of tents. She only got a few feet before a whirlwind of motion collided with her from two different directions.

“Take that!” a tiny voice cried.

Another small, squeaky battle cry shouted agreement, cutting off Nicole’s startled “Wha-?”

Curtis sighed heavily and put his face in his hand as Wynonna and Waverly Earp wrestled with Nicole, trying to pin her to the ground. To her credit, the girl struggled well, twisting Waverly’s wrist and shoving at Wynonna’s throat. She got a solid fist in, hitting Waverly square in the eye, and then Wynonna pulled her wooden practice sword from her belt and struck Nicole in the back. Nicole rounded on her, but before the fight could continue, Gus and Ruthie stormed out of the McCready tent.

“What in blazes is going on out here?” Gus demanded.

Curtis, stifling a laugh, said, “Border dispute.”

“And you’re just letting them?” Gus asked, clearly baffled as she yanked the piece of wood out of Wynonna’s hand.

“They’re settling their differences early.” Curtis tugged Nicole away by the hood of her uniform and held her by her shoulders.

Ruthie pulled Waverly away, and Gus grabbed Wynonna. “Settle down.”

“But…” Wynonna pointed at Nicole. “S’with the Cult!”

Gus’s eyes narrowed, and she met Curtis’s gaze.

“I’ll explain later.”

“Okay.” Gus released Wynonna and shook the wooden sword at her. “You can’t just randomly attack people, regardless of what they’re wearing.”

“Can I attack people if they’re _saying_ something bad?”

“Wynonna.”

The young girl shrugged. “What?”

Gus shook her head with a laugh. “One of these days I’m going to smack you with this sword of yours.”

Wynonna grinned cheekily at her. “No, you won’t.”

“Probably no- Curtis? Is she okay?”

Curtis looked down and noticed that Nicole was cowering behind his legs. “Nicole?”

She was staring at the piece of wood in Gus’s hand, trembling. “I-I’m sorry,” she whimpered. She cleared her throat, straightening despite the quiver still visibly running through her body. “I-I-I apologize… I apologize for any inconvenience my continued existence has caused you. I willingly offer myself to any p-punishment you see fit to deem me worthy of continuing in your service.”

The little clearing they were standing in was eerily quiet, broken only by the sound of the toy sword dropping out of Gus’s hand and falling into the dirt.

Curtis knew a practiced speech when he heard it.

He also knew _fear_ when he heard it.

He got down on his knees in front of Nicole and set his hands gently on her shoulders.

“Nicole,” he murmured. “Look at me. You’re _safe_ here. Understand me? Nothing bad is going to happen to you. We’re going to take care of you. _Protect_ you.”

“No one can do that,” Nicole whispered.

Waverly pulled away from Ruthie and walked over to stand at Curtis’s shoulder. “But… s’what we do!” She reached out and poked Nicole’s forehead. “Don’t be _stupid_.”

Curtis snorted out a laugh at the startled, mildly offended look on Nicole’s face. “Tactless, but she does have a point.” He squeezed Nicole’s shoulders and stood. “Come on, little one. You don’t need to be afraid.”

He turned to walk towards Gus, but before he could reach for Nicole, Waverly grabbed her hand.

“I’m Waverly!”

“… Nicole.”

Waverly grinned at her and tugged her forward, dragging the taller girl towards the tents as she rapidly shot question after question at the bewildered Nicole.

Curtis shook his head slowly and raised an eyebrow at Wynonna.

Wynonna shrugged. “I guess I can save her.”

“Please.”

She took off after the two, lightly pushing Waverly when she caught up. Curtis picked up the wooden sword and turned it over in his hands for a moment before looking up, watching as the three girls disappeared into the rows of tents.

 

+++++

 

**-PRESENT DAY-**

 

“I’m just not who you want me to be.”

Waverly looks up quickly, surprised by the sudden monotone voice. “Yes. You are.”

“Are you really willing to bet your life on that?”

Waverly tugs on her necklace and pulls out her ring. “I already did. A long time ago. I swore I’d never give up on you, and I never will.”

After a moment, Nicole lies down, staring upwards again. “Maybe you should.”

 

+++

 

Waverly and Wynonna sit in front of a small fire, watching a few fish cook.

“We need to talk about something,” Wynonna whispers.

“What’s that?”

“It’s… It’s been a full quarter-moon, Waves.”

Waverly clenches her hand into a fist so tightly that she snaps the stick she’s holding, and it falls into the fire, narrowly missing the line of fish. “And what? And _what_ , Wynonna? That’s not nearly enough time to give Nicole.”

“It’s enough time for _some_ progress,” Wynonna hisses as she stands. “She’s showing no signs _whatsoever_ of Nicole still being in there. We only have a half-moon left to get to the Central Haven. We’re _running out of time_ , Waverly. I’m _not_ bringing her back to Gus and Ruthie.”

“So _what_?” Waverly surges to her feet and gets in Wynonna’s face. “So _what_ , Wynonna? What are you going to do? You’re just going to kill the woman I love?”

_“She’s already dead! We had her funeral!”_

Waverly takes a step back. “You know what? I don’t think I’m hungry.” She stalks off towards the tent, pitched right next to the cart.

“Waves. _Waverly!”_ Wynonna runs her hand over her face and sits down heavily, staring into the flames as they shoot up into the sky.

 

+++

 

“There’s a cave one sun’s way to the south,” Wynonna says, interrupting the silence that’s hung over their journey for three suns. “We should stop there. Think for a bit.”

“Fine.”

Wynonna glances over her shoulder at Nicole, who has been silent too, the mark on the back of her neck darkening in color.

 “We just need some time to think,” Wynonna murmurs.

 

+++

 

They park the cart in front of the small cave and have Nicole sit inside towards the back. She does so without so much as a word, staring at the ground with glassy eyes.

“I’m going to get some things settled,” Wynonna says. “Why don’t you go get some firewood and maybe scout out some water?”

Waverly nods. “Sure. Whatever.”

Once she’s been gone long enough for one of the tents to be set up, Wynonna takes one quick glance outside, then walks over to Nicole and draws her sword. “Get on your knees,” she whispers.

Nicole shuffles out of her seated position and onto her knees, her wrists still bound in front of her.

“I-I’m sorry,” Wynonna says, her voice wavering, every breath a struggle. “Waverly just refuses to see it. But _I_ see it.” She rests the blade of her sword on Nicole’s shoulder, the sharpened edge just barely touching her neck. “This isn’t fair,” she continues, her voice now high, forcing the quivers back. “It’s not. Forcing you to be like _this_. Some shell of yourself, containing nothing but some darkness you didn’t ask for. You wouldn’t want this, and we can’t just… We can’t keep… _It’s not fair._ ”

Nicole raises her head slowly, her eyes meeting Wynonna’s.

Wynonna swallows and tightens her grip on her sword.

 

+++++

 

**-EIGHT CYCLES AGO-**

“I mean, a _bandit_? Really?” Wynonna scoffed and slapped Nicole on the back. “You’d think the people wandering these roads would be smarter than that.”

Nicole snorted loudly. “Okay, but you didn’t have to loot his body, Wyn.”

“Finders keepers.”

“Remind me why we’re the good guys?”

“Nic. Buddy. Pal. Consider it the fine for being a jackass.”

Nicole rolled her eyes. “Waverly’s going to kill you.”

“Only if you tell her.”

“I tell her everything.”

Wynonna laughed loudly, patted Nicole roughly on the shoulder, and hopped off down onto the lower road from the hill they were standing on.

“What?” Nicole jumped down after her. “What the hell are you laughing at?”

“Are you _sure_ you tell her everything?”

“Of course.”

Wynonna stopped and turned to face her. “Nic, you’ve been acting weird for a full moon now. Something’s going on, and I know that whatever it is, you haven’t told Waverly about it.”

Nicole’s hand wandered to the pouch hanging off of her sword belt. “It’s nothing.”

“Bull. What’s in the pouch?”

“Uhm.” Nicole took in a deep breath. “Well, actually, I did want to be formal about this, anyway.” She pulled the pouch open and took out two rings.”

Wynonna stared at them for a moment before meeting Nicole’s gaze seriously. “Nicole, I’m sorry, but I won’t break Waverly’s heart like this.”

“Shut up.” Nicole cleared her throat. “Wynonna Earp, it would grant me the deepest honor to commit myself to your sister. I know my background is not one that obliges me any right to such a thing, but I have spent every day since dedicated to atoning for my place of birth. I swear on my life that my future will be solely devoted to your sister and not to the darkness. I ask your permission to request Waverly’s commitment and to give her my own.”

There was a long pause, a shadow flittering over Wynonna’s eyes. She reached out and gently patted Nicole on the cheek. “You don’t need to ask my permission, Nic. It’s a little old fashioned.”

“Please,” Nicole said through gritted teeth. “You’re my best friend.”

Wynonna grinned and placed her hand on top of the rings. “Nicole Haught, I grant you permission to commit yourself to my sister. I take your pledges at your word, and I shall hold you to them until the day of your death.”

“Thank you,” Nicole whispered. She slipped the rings back into the pouch, a nervous shudder running through her.

“You’re a nerd. You know that?” Wynonna playfully punched her shoulder. “You didn’t need to do that.”

“I want it to be right. I want it to be perfect.” Nicole fidgeted with the hilt of her sword. “I’ve studied everything about all the traditions. I-I don’t want anybody to be disappointed in me.”

“Nobody will be.” Wynonna pulled her into a tight hug. “Come here. You know that you don’t need to atone for anything, right? You were just a kid.”

“I was still born to them, Wynonna,” Nicole whispered. “There’s a duty burned into my blood. I need to make up for what they’ve done.”

“What you _need_ to do is speak to Waverly. Everything else can wait.” Wynonna put her arm around Nicole’s shoulders and pushed her forward. “Maybe you can maybe quit the sex jokes about my sister now, though?”

“Waverly thinks they’re funny.”

“I was afraid you were going to say that.”

 

+++++

 

**-PRESENT DAY-**

 

The sword clatters to the ground as Wynonna drops onto her knees with a short choking noise.

“I’m sorry.” She hugs Nicole tightly to her, letting out a sharp sob and burying her face in Nicole’s shoulder as she cries. “I’m sorry. I can’t. I can’t. Please, Nicole. _Please._ You have to come back.”

Nicole’s dull, monotone voice says, “You’re getting my uniform wet.”

“Nic-”

“What the hell is going on?”

Wynonna turns so fast that she falls, lying propped up on her elbows next to Nicole. Waverly is standing at the entrance of the cave, a pile of firewood at her feet.

“Baby girl, it’s not what it looks like,” Wynonna chokes out.

“Yes,” Waverly whispers. “Yes, it is. You were going to kill her. You were going to kill Nicole.” She turns and storms out of the cave.

Wynonna scrambles to her feet, grabs her sword to put it back in its sheath, and races after her.

“Waverly, _stop!_ ”

_“No!”_

“Dammit, Waverly, you have nowhere else to go, so stop!”

Waverly rounds on her, shoving a finger into Wynonna’s chest so hard that they both hiss in pain. “You’re a coward,” Waverly snarls. “You’re a coward, and you’re a liar. You pledged to protect us. Do you feel like you’re doing that now?”

“Yes,” Wynonna replies, ignoring the twist of pain in her belly.

Waverly points at her face. “Liar.”

Wynonna smacks her hand away. “You _really_ want to keep making her live like this? You want to wake up every day to see your partner chained up and lifeless like some _pet_?”

“Of course not,” Waverly snaps.

“Then why are we _making_ her?” Wynonna demands. “We have her tied up like a dog and we aren’t making her better. What kind of existence is this, Waverly? She doesn’t deserve this. She died the day they took her mind, and all we have to do now is clean up what they did to taunt us with her body.”

Waverly’s eyes are cold. “Are you convincing _me_ or _yourself_? Because I saw you, Wynonna. You couldn’t kill her any more than you’d be able to strike me down right now.”

Wynonna crosses her arms. “It was a moment of weakness.” Her voice softens. “She’s my best friend, Waverly.”

“Then let me _try_ , Wynonna.” Waverly reaches up and grips her sister’s shoulders. “I can get through to her. I just need time to talk to her. To reason with her. I think I can break the hold they have if you just give me _time_.”

Wynonna sighs and sags forward, her forehead resting against Waverly’s. “I don’t know how to do this, Waverly. I don’t know how to be the strong one.”

“Then take a break for a while. Let me do it.”

“Okay.” Wynonna takes in a deep breath and nods. “Okay. But we’re removing that rune from the back of her neck. I can’t stand making her be this way.”

“Believe me, Wynonna. I am more than fine with that.”

 

+++

 

“Stay still,” Waverly murmurs, her fingers light on the back of Nicole’s neck.

“Hm,” Nicole mumbles.

Waverly picks up the cloth, dampened with a solution Doc had handed Wynonna before they left. She presses it against the rune and waits.

After a few seconds, a snarl bursts from Nicole’s lips, and she yanks away from Waverly, stopped only by her shackles.

“Get off me, heathen,” she spits.

Waverly sets the cloth aside and rinses her hands with some water from one of their canteens. “That’s okay. I don’t need to touch you.”

She settles herself across from Nicole. “We’re on our way home. And you’re going to listen.”

“To what?” Nicole asks with a sneer.

Waverly plays with her ring necklace. “To _us_.”


	9. all i have left is my memories

**-NINETEEN CYCLES AGO-**

 

Waverly slipped out of her tent, careful not to wake the snoring Wynonna. She crept through the grass until she got to a tree by a nearby clearing and hid behind it, watching.

Nicole was in a tunic and breeches borrowed from Wynonna that were just a bit too big for her. She had Wynonna’s wooden toy sword tight in her grip, and she was swinging it in practice strokes, slicing at invisible enemies.

Waverly watched in silence as the older girl trained in the light of the moon. On one swing Nicole let it get out of control, and the wooden sword slammed backward, striking her in the face and knocking her into a seated position on the ground.

There was no stopping the small cry of worry from escaping Waverly’s lips, and Nicole looked up sharply.

“Who’s there?”

“It’s only me,” Waverly said quietly, stepping out from behind the tree and walking over to her.

Nicole rubbed at her bleeding lip with the back of her hand. “What d’you want?”

Waverly sat in front of her, taking a small handkerchief out of the pocket of her pajamas and using it to dab at Nicole’s lip. “Nothin’. I was just lookin’ for you. We’re not s’posed to be out here without a grown up.”

Nicole shrugged. “All the kids raised for Bulshar get left outside at night after they turn four. We’re supposed to be able to protect ourselves.”

“Don’t you have a mama and a papa?”

“I have a mother,” Nicole replied hesitantly. “What’s a papa? You mean the Almighty Father?”

Waverly lowered the cloth, frowning. “No… Like… Wynonna and I have the same papa and mama. They died, and now Gus and Curtis take care of us, but we still had ‘em. Our parents.”

“I knew the people who raised me for Bulshar as Mother and Mr. Haught.”

“Mr. Haught! Like your name.” Waverly squinted. “Wasn’t he your papa?”

Nicole’s brow furrowed, and she dug the tip of the wooden sword into the dirt. “I dunno. The Almighty Father always say that Mr. Haught and Mother bred me for service. That’s kinda what all of us were told the day we were given knives and left outside overnight for the first time.”

“Oh,” Waverly whispered.

They sat in silence for a moment, Waverly reaching up on occasion to tap the cloth against Nicole’s lip.

“Maybe… you can _get_ a mama and a papa?”

“Nobody’s gonna want me,” Nicole mumbled, sounding miserable as she stared at the dirt. “Nobody’s ever gonna want me near them.”

“That’s not-”

“Girls!”

They looked up as Ruthie entered the clearing, a frown on her face.

“You aren’t supposed to be out here. It’s dangerous to be alone at night.”

“Not alone,” Waverly said, pointing at Nicole.

Ruthie rolled her eyes and patted Waverly on the head. “Go back to bed, kiddo.”

“It’s not Nic’s fault,” Waverly immediately protested, but Ruthie cut her off with a look. She pouted and started shuffling towards the tents. “Bye, Nic.”

“Bye, Waverly,” Nicole murmured.

Once Waverly was gone, Nicole gave Ruthie a guilty look. To her surprise, the woman was giving her a soft smile.

“I know you’re used to being able to do things on your own, sweetheart,” she said quietly. “But you’re a part of us, now. We want you to be safe, okay? You can’t just wander off.”

“I was practicin’,” Nicole mumbled.

“A noble cause, but one that can be done just as well in daylight, can’t it?”

Nicole flushed red and fidgeted with the sword. “Yes, ma’am.”

Ruthie crouched down and ruffled Nicole’s hair with her hand. “Why don’t you come sleep in my tent tonight? You won’t have to deal with Wynonna’s snoring, and we can get up early and go out to gather some herbs and plants that Gus and I can use in cooking. You can bring that sword of yours and be my guard.”

Nicole’s eyes widened. “Really?”

“Really.” Ruthie helped Nicole up to her feet and rested a hand on her head as she led her back towards the tents. “C’mon, honey. Let’s all get some rest.”

 

+++++

 

**-FIVE CYCLES AGO-**

 

Nicole lunged forward and grabbed the little boy before he could wander over too close to the river. She picked him up and set him on her hip, making soft soothing noises under her breath.

“It’s okay, little one,” she murmured. “You’re safe.”

The little boy made a quiet noise of discontent and tugged on her bright blue cloak. Nicole patted him on the back softly and continued the mumble softly as she made her way back through the burned-out wreckage of the River Outpost.

She found Waverly crouched over a body, closing the young woman’s sightless eyes. “Did you find anyone?” Waverly asked, her voice hoarse from a combination of emotion and smoke.

“Just this little guy,” Nicole replied.

Waverly gave a weak smile and stood, reaching her fingers out to run them along the boy’s arm. “He’s a lucky one.”

“Yes.” Nicole pressed a kiss to his head. “We’ll get him to Jeremy; he can find a good home for him in the West Haven.”

“Hopefully that will be safer than here.” Waverly sighed and looked around the rubble. “This was the last outpost, Nicole. All Bulshar’s Cult has left to attack are the caravans of supplies and the havens. How are we supposed to protect these people?”

“I don’t know,” Nicole admitted. “But we do our best, darling. That’s all we _can_ do.”

Waverly gave a tired nod and pushed up onto her toes to kiss Nicole on the mouth. She smirked softly and skimmed her hand over the boy’s head. “Maybe when all of this is over, when we’ve finally beaten Bulshar once and for all, we’ll be the ones raising one of the orphans he created.”

“I would,” Nicole said. “If you would.”

Waverly smiled and kissed her again. “We’ll talk about it. When this is over.”

Nicole looked around and tightened her grip on the boy. “When it’s over.”

 

+++++

 

**-TEN CYCLES AGO-**

 

“You aren’t protecting your side,” Nicole mocked as she lazily swiped her sword in the direction of Waverly’s hip.

Waverly shoved the blade away using the edge of one of her kukri blades and narrowed her eyes. “Yeah, well, you’re being mean.”

Nicole pushed forward, grabbing one of Waverly’s wrists and resting the blade of her sword against the small of Waverly’s back, pulling them close together. “I could never be mean to you,” she said softly.

Waverly brought her other hand up, resting her kukri under Nicole’s chin. “Nor I you,” she said sweetly.

“Wynonna, don’t ambush her,” Nicole said, her gaze flickering over Waverly’s shoulder.

Waverly’s attention faltered for only a moment, but it was long enough for Nicole to toss her sword aside and use her newly empty hand to tug the blade away from her throat. She brought her knee up and thudded it just under Waverly’s ribs, then twisted her gently until she could drag her down to the ground.

Waverly laughed and dropped her knives into the dirt, trying to kick out at Nicole’s legs as the taller girl pinned her. “That’s _cheating_ , Nicole!”

“No such thing as cheating in a fight,” Nicole retorted as she held Waverly’s wrists on either side of her head.

“Let me go,” Waverly said softly, and a smile played on her lips as Nicole immediately slid her hands off of her wrists and settled them into the dirt next to them. She reached up and stroked her fingers down Nicole’s cheek.

“Waverly,” Nicole murmured, a faint tone of warning in her voice.

“No one is here, Nicole,” Waverly whispered. “It’s just you and me. No questions. No worries. No battles. Just us. It’s just us. So what’ll it be?”

Nicole stared down at her for a moment, uncertainty glinting in her eyes. Waverly sighed and started to push herself back up, but she was stopped when Nicole suddenly settled a hand on her hip.

“Wait,” Nicole said. “Just wait a moment.”

Waverly relaxed, watching her. “Wait for what?” she asked, not bothering to keep the challenge out of her voice.

Nicole shook her head. “You’ll be the death of me, you know that?”

Waverly walked her fingers along the collar of Nicole’s tunic. “Perhaps.”

There was a soft groan of irritation, and then Nicole leaned down and kissed her.

“Are you happy now?” Nicole mumbled against Waverly’s lips.

“Hardly,” Waverly replied, grinning. “I’m just getting started with you.”

Nicole betrayed herself with a sharp laugh before Waverly got a grip on her collar and tugged her down for a longer, deeper kiss.

 

 

+++++

 

**-FIFTEEN CYCLES AGO-**

 

“You ready for this, little one?” Curtis asked as Nicole picked up the sword he had presented her.

She shrugged. “If you said I am, I am.”

He took her by the chin and squinted at her. “If you don’t feel ready, don’t go by my opinion. Nerves will just get you hurt. You don’t need to prove anything to anybody.” He smirked slightly. “Even Wynonna.”

Nicole grinned up at him. “I know. I do feel ready. Nervous but the good kind.”

Curtis patted her on the cheek. “The healthy kind of nervous, right?”

“Yes, sir.”

He turned her around and gripped her shoulders. “Then go ahead and kick her ass, little one.”

“Hey!” Wynonna protested, twisting her own sword around in her hand. “You’re supposed to be on _my_ side!”

Curtis shrugged and wandered over to stand on the sidelines next to Waverly. “Then go ahead and _try_ to kick Nic’s ass.”

“I’m offended by the implication there,” Wynonna muttered.

Nicole snorted. “Of course you are.”

Wynonna gave her a wild grin. “Shall we?”

“Losers first,” Nicole snarked.

“Then why haven’t you moved?” Wynonna shot back.

They exchanged a final playful nod, then their expressions went serious with concentration, and they moved at the same moment, the solid metal of the sword blades clashing together.

Their movements were a bit clumsy, off from their normal skill as their anxiety over hurting the other tripped them up, but they found themselves equally matched.

When Nicole slammed the blade of her sword at the perfect angle to deflect Wynonna’s off at an awkward angle, leaving her wide open for an attack, it was the first time either had made any progress.

At that moment, Waverly whistled. “Put her on the dirt, Nicole!” she yelled. She pulled off her jerkin and pushed off the sleeves of her tunic, spinning her own sword in her hand. “I want my turn next.”

Nicole looked over and hesitated, distracted by the sight of Waverly with the sword. Wynonna raised an eyebrow at her and sighed. “Idiot.” She kicked Nicole just above her knee and punched her once in the face to knock her onto the ground.

“Shit, Wynonna,” Nicole muttered, rubbing at her bruised eye.

Wynonna rested the tip of her sword just under Nicole’s chin. “Next time look at the pretty girl you’re _fighting_ , Haught.”

Nicole flushed bright red. “Shut up,” she muttered as Waverly started walking towards them.

Wynonna smirked and held out a hand to help her up. “Never.”

 

+++++

 

**-TEN CYCLES AGO-**

 

Nicole rolled her shoulder experimentally and frowned up at the sky. “I think it’s going to rain.”

“It’s not going to rain.”

“It’s totally going to rain.”

Waverly turned around and put her hands on her hips. “Nicole. We are going to go on this errand like we have been told. And it is not going to rain.”

Nicole held up her hands in surrender. “Okay, okay. Why are you so adamant about this? You usually hate running errands into the forests.”

“Normally I do. But I don’t today, because I packed properly.”

“You mean this _weight_ I’m carrying?” Nicole muttered.

“Yes. I brought a tent.”

Nicole stopped in her tracks. “Waverly, we’re just running out to get some supplies and then heading back. It’ll take three hours, max. We should be back by sundown. Why do we need a _tent_?”

Waverly turned around to face her, but wouldn’t look at her. “Uhm. Well…” She raised an eyebrow and finally met Nicole’s gaze, blushing. “Well.”

“What?”

_“Well.”_

“Waverly, I’m sorry, but I don’t get it, and if you can’t say it we probably shouldn’t be out here doing it anyway.”

Waverly huffed under her breath and rolled her eyes. “I’m trying to proposition you for _sex_ , Nicole.”

Nicole’s eyes widened. “Oh.”

Waverly flushed pink. “I-I… We obviously don’t have to. I just. I figured this would be as good of an opportunity as we’d get, and…”

“Shh,” Nicole whispered, setting her hands on Waverly’s shoulders. She leaned down and kissed Waverly.

“You’re not mad?”

“Why would I be mad?”

“I don’t know. Dragging a tent into the woods isn’t super romantic for a first time offer.”

Nicole grinned and tilted Waverly’s face up by her chin. “Darling, anything with you is super romantic by my standards.”

Waverly let out a soft breath. “You’re okay?”

“I’m more than okay.” Nicole kissed her again, long and slow. “Let’s go finish this stupid errand so we can set up the tent.”

“You’re serious?” Waverly asked, her eyes bright.

“Am I ever not?” Nicole rested a finger on Waverly’s lips. “Don’t answer that.”

Waverly laughed and grabbed Nicole’s hand. “I love you.” She dragged Nicole into the trees, her laughter only getting louder as they went.

 

+++++

 

**-EIGHT CYCLES AGO-**

 

Waverly swallowed and adjusted her red cloak, nervously toying with its connection to her leather armor. Wynonna stopped at her shoulder and slapped her hand on her back, giving her an encouraging smile. “You’re gonna do fine, baby girl.”

“What if I forget what I’m supposed to say? What if I screw it up? Wynonna, if I-”

“ _Breathe_ , would you?” Wynonna turned Waverly towards her and carefully fixed how her jerkin poked out from under the armor and how the bracers sat on her arms. “Our favorite sap is hopelessly in love with you. You could get up there and recite some story Gus told us when we were children, and she’d still commit to you.”

“That’s not making me feel better.”

Wynonna patted her on the cheek. “Well, tough, because if you don’t go up there I’m going to drag you. So get your ass in gear, baby girl.” She turned and headed off through the small group that had gathered, taking her place in front of the pile of wood that was ready for them.

Waverly swallowed again and took her place on the stone she was meant to stand on to start her path towards where Wynonna was standing. As if cued, the gathered crowd fell silent.

She couldn’t see whether Nicole was standing on her own stone, hidden by the crowd to Waverly’s right. But when Wynonna struck the flint to light the torch in front of her, she knew it was time to move forward.

One step, pause. One step, pause.

Despite the difference in their leg length, they reached Wynonna at the exact same moment. And despite having seen Nicole in her armor thousands of times, the sight of her in it here, now, took Waverly’s breath away all over again.

“Hi,” she whispered despite herself.

Nicole grinned at her. “Hi.”

“Hush up, the both of you,” Wynonna grumbled, though the affection in her eyes was evident.

She cleared her throat and raised her voice to be heard in the crowd. “I, Wynonna Earp, bloodline of she who is to be committed, commence this ceremony.” She momentarily dropped her voice and glanced at Nicole. “I’m sorry, Nic, this part can’t be skipped over.”

“I know,” Nicole whispered in response.

Talking loudly again, Wynonna continued, “Do you, Nicole Haught, have anyone to stand for your bloodline in this commitment?”

“No,” Nicole replied.

“As you have no one to stand for your bloodline, you will need someone to willingly stand to represent you. Does anyone stand for Nicole Haught?”

Ruthie immediately stepped forward out of the crowd. “I, Ruthie Hunter, represent in place of bloodline.”

Nicole closed her eyes and took in a slow breath, as if she had been expecting silence.

Wynonna smiled and gestured at the torch sitting next to Nicole. “Come, light this other torch, please.”

Ruthie lit the torch and stood next to Wynonna, shooting a wink at Nicole.

“Nicole Haught, you swore to me commitment to my sister. You swore devotion to my sister, and not to the darkness that has consumed moments of your past. Have you anything to add to your commitment?”

“Yes.”

“What say you?”

Nicole looked at Waverly, trying not to grin. “I swear to protect her when she needs it, and back her up when she doesn’t. I swear to provide whatever she needs however she needs.” Her voice quivered slightly. “I swear to love her to and beyond the sun of my death.”

“Are these your commitments to my sister, Waverly Earp?”

“Yes.”

“You swear to them?”

“Yes.”

Wynonna held up a ring. “Then by this ring, I hold you to those commitments. May you always look at it and be reminded of the promises you are meant to keep, the pledges you swore to, the commitment you made on this sun.” She lifted Nicole’s left hand and slid the ring onto her ring finger.

“Waverly Earp,” Ruthie said, “do you accept the commitment made on this sun by Nicole Haught?”

“Yes,” Waverly replied.

“Have you any commitments to make in return?”

“Yes.”

“What say you?”

Waverly met Nicole’s gaze, her eyes watery. “I swear to never give up, no matter what. I swear to have faith in you, always. I swear to love you, even when you struggle to love yourself. I swear to fight for you every single day of my life.”

“Are these your commitments to my represented, Nicole Haught?”

“Yes.”

“You swear to them?”

“Yes.”

Ruthie took the second ring from Wynonna and held it up. “Then by this ring, I hold you to those commitments. May you always look at it and be reminded of the promises you are meant to keep, the pledges you swore to, the commitment you made on this sun.” She lifted Waverly’s left hand and slid the ring onto her ring finger.

“Nicole Haught, do you accept the commitment made on this sun by Waverly Earp?” Wynonna asked.

“Yes,” Nicole whispered, her own voice filling with emotion.

“Then as of this sun you are committed to each other until your deaths and beyond.” Wynonna gestured at the torches. “Now, light the fire.”

Nicole and Waverly each took their torches and walked over to the pile of wood set up behind Wynonna. “Ready?” Nicole murmured.

“With you by my side, I’m ready for anything,” Waverly replied.

Nicole grinned, and they tossed their torches onto the pile, letting the fire ignite and reach up into the sky.

 

+++++

 

**-EIGHT CYCLES AGO-**

“Do you remember these woods?” Waverly asked breathlessly, running towards a small creek with a grin broad on her face.

“Uh, yeah, I’m pretty sure I remember getting laid for the first time here,” Nicole joked, following behind more slowly.

Waverly spun around and glared at her. “Nicole.”

“What? You asked.”

“It’s supposed to be more romantic than that.”

“You’re right. That’s what I want to make it be.”

Waverly’s brow furrowed. “What do you-” She turned around and saw Nicole holding two rings in her hand. “…mean…”

Nicole took in a slow breath. “Waverly Earp, I have received permission to ask for your commitment. I know I would not be the ideal partner for anyone, but I pledge that would live to my last breath fighting for you and for your happine-”

She didn’t get all the words out before Waverly tackled her and kissed her roughly.

“You know,” Nicole managed in between kisses, “I’m trying to do this whole thing right, and you’re kinda ruining that.”

“Sorry,” Waverly mumbled. “Wanted to kiss you too badly.”

“If this plan is working, then you’ll be able to do that forever, darling,” Nicole pointed out.

“Oh, trust me,” Waverly said with a smile. “It’s working out just fine.”

 

+++++

 

**-THIRTEEN CYCLES AGO-**

 

Nicole paced at the foot of Waverly’s bed so fast that Waverly started to feel queasy.

It could also have been the sickness.

“Nic, you aren’t helping,” she moaned.

“Sorry,” Nicole said, distracted. She sat down on the mattress, feeling Waverly’s forehead with the back of her hand. “Sorry. I’m just worried.”

“Okay _Gus_ ,” Waverly teased.

Nicole gave her an offended look. “Forgive me for caring about your well-being.”

“It’s not that bad,” Waverly insisted, before breaking off into a weak coughing spree.

“Sounds like it.”

“Seriously, Nicole, go _away_. I don’t want to get you sick.”

Nicole plopped backwards, sprawling across Waverly’s legs on top of the sheets. “Well, tough, because I don’t want you to be alone.”

Waverly reached out and poked Nicole in the ribs. “You’re annoying and stubborn.”

“You knew that when I was five years old.”

“Sad but true.” Waverly poked her again. “Now _go_.”

“No.”

“Go away.”

“Nope.”

_“Nicole.”_

_“Waverly.”_

“Go!”

“No!”

Waverly gave a frustrated yell and threw herself at the other girl, attempting to shove her off the bed. Nicole pushed her backwards, and they wrestled for a few minutes until Nicole pinned Waverly down, grinning.

“I’ve got a couple years, a few inches, and several pounds on you, Waves,” she said. “And I’m not sick.”

“That’s the point, jerk,” Waverly said with a pout.

“I’m not afraid of a little bit of sickness as long as I can take care of you.”

 _“Why?”_ Waverly demanded, trying to knee Nicole in the side.

Nicole laughed, dodging out of the way. “Because I love you.”

Waverly froze underneath her, paling even more than she already was. Nicole blinked down at her. “What?”

“You… You said you loved me.”

Nicole hesitated. “I-I mean… of course I do. We’re… friends. Right?”

“Oh. Uhm. Yeah. Friends.”

Nicole picked at a loose string on Waverly’s blanket, her face flushed red. “But, I mean… I _do_ love you.”

A slow smile formed on Waverly’s face. She leaned up and pressed a soft kiss to Nicole’s cheek before moving to whisper in her ear. “For the record, Nicole? I love you, too.”

 

+++++

 

**-PRESENT DAY-**

 

Waverly stops talking when Nicole suddenly jerks away from her, a confused look in her eyes. “What’s wrong?”

Nicole stares at her for a moment, then whispers, “… Waverly?”

“Yes? What’s the matter? Do you need something?”

Nicole shakes her head, looking around the cart with the same confusion furrowing her brow. “I-I just… I…” She blinks a few times and shakes her head, rubbing at her temple.

Waverly scoots closer to her, concern prickling up her spine. “Nicole, what’s going on?”

There’s a long pause of silence, then Nicole whispers, “I remember.”


	10. feel the sun about to rise

**-TEN MOONS AGO-**

Nicole gave a soft laugh as Bulshar paced in front of her. “You seem frustrated.”

He backhanded her across the face. “You _stupid_ little girl. Do you understand where you are? My witches are known as the _Widows_ because they _murdered_ their husbands to get their roles. _No one_ refuses to join me.”

“Yeah, well, most people who get your offer don’t know better. _I do._ ”

“You do know better,” Bulshar snarled. “You know better than to play games with me. I _own_ you, girl. You were _born_ here. Your parents gave you to me, and the heathens _stole_ you. Wake up! You belong to _me_ , child, and you aren’t leaving this room until you believe that with every molecule of your being!”

“I guess I’m not leaving, then. Because it doesn’t matter what you or your witches do to me, Bulshar. I’m never joining you.”

Bulshar hit her again, almost absentmindedly. He smirked and shook his head. “You’ll see. Before long, you’ll even be willing to gut those fools you’ve been running around with.”

Nicole spit in his face. “You can believe whatever you want. It won’t happen.”

He waved his hand, and the three Widows slowly made their way into the room. “I do believe that you believe that, Nicole Haught. But the thing is, I’m starting to feel like the heathens may have corrupted you too much. So we’re going to try something _new_.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

Bulshar punched her hard just below her ribs, knocking the breath out of her lungs. As she choked for air, he leaned forward and whispered into her ear, “We’re going to see how well you can resist when there isn’t anything left in your mind to protect you, you filthy little traitor. And when you’re a mindless drone of a servant, following my orders like the dog you were bred to be, you’re going to go out there and murder every single one of the people you love.”

“Go to hell,” Nicole wheezed.

One of the Widows, the youngest, a brunette, yanked Nicole’s head back by her hair and held her in place while the oldest, a blonde, started painting runes onto Nicole’s throat.

“You’ll be going there long before I will,” Bulshar murmured. He let out a sharp laugh as the runes started to glow, and he turned and walked out of the room as Nicole started to scream.

 

+++++

 

**-PRESENT DAY-**

 

“I remember,” Nicole repeats, her voice hesitant, scared and uncertain. She gets to her feet in a jerking motion, her wrists still chained to the floor, and she stumbles backwards to get as far away from Waverly as she can manage before falling down into a heap.

“Nicole,” Waverly says, scrambling onto her knees. “Nic, darling, it’s okay. Baby, it’s okay. What do you remember?”

Nicole shakes her head and whimpers, curling up into a fetal position and hiding her face from view. Waverly hesitantly reaches her hand out to touch her shoulder, and Nicole jerks away again as if she’s been burned.

_“Stay away from me!”_ Nicole yells, slamming against the wall of the cart. “Stay away…” She moans quietly and covers her face with her hands. “What did I do?” she whispers. “What have I done?”

“Darling,” Waverly says, her voice quiet but firm. “I need you to tell me what’s going on, okay? What do you remember? What did you do? What’s going on in your head right now?”

Nicole shakes her head again and whispers, “I tried. I swear I tried. I fought them as hard as I could, but their magic… I couldn’t…” Her voice cracks. “I couldn’t stop them, Waverly. I tried. I’m so sorry.”

“Baby… it’s not your fault…” Waverly creeps towards Nicole and gently strokes her hand down Nicole’s arm. She hesitates. “I’m sorry, darling, but I need to ask. How do I know that you really remember? That it’s not just the false identity mocking me?”

Nicole is shivering under her fingers, but stammers out, “When I was twelve and you were ten, you told me you loved me for the first time. On the sun when I turned thirteen, you snuck me up to your room and kissed me, and then you told me that you hadn’t meant that you loved me like a friend.”

Waverly’s eyes are soft as she strokes her fingers against Nicole’s shoulder. “It was the truth. I think I’ve been in love with you for longer than I’ve known what love is.”

“I-I don’t…” Nicole stands up awkwardly, her entire body shaking. “I’m sorry, I… my brain is so…” She swallows and closes her eyes. “Hell, Waverly, I’m so confused it’s painful. I-”

There’s a shout outside, and Wynonna dives into the cart. “Sorry, baby girl, but we don’t fucking have time for another quarter-moon of story time.”

Before Waverly can speak, Wynonna punches Nicole in the face.

Nicole bumps backwards into the wall of the cart and winces, lifting a hand to gently prod at her eye. “Ow, Wynonna. _Why?_ ”

Wynonna blinks at her. “Did… Did that actually _work_?”

“No, asshole,” Waverly snaps, lowering Nicole’s hand and tilting her chin to get a look at the bruise. “I already _woke_ her.”

“Oh. Well. How was I supposed to know that?” Wynonna asks defensively.

Waverly gives her a look.

“Shut up.” Wynonna sets a hand on Nicole’s shoulder. “Are you okay? Tell me you’re okay. Can you still hold a sword? Still able to fight?”

Nicole blinks at her, overwhelmed. “Wynonna, I… I-I… I _barely_ am grasping reality right now, what…”

Wynonna swings at her again, and Nicole instinctively reaches up to catch her wrist.

“See, look, you’ll do fine, Haught.”

“Fine with _what_?” Waverly demands as Wynonna starts undoing the shackles around Nicole’s wrists.

“I maybe pissed off some bandits who are maybe on their way here to kill us all.”

Nicole shakes her head, stammering, “Wynonna, I’m not capable of-”

Wynonna smacks a sword into her hand. “Occupational therapy.”

“That’s not-”

Nicole’s protests go on deaf ears as Wynonna drags her out of the cart. Waverly scrambles after them. “Wynonna, this is a _horrible idea!_ ”

 

+++

 

They find that Nicole’s training is still programmed into her, enough that the claymore Wynonna pulled from storage under the cart moves as smoothly in her hand as if she wasn’t in the middle of a mental breakdown.

The moment the fight is over, however, she tosses the sword aside and sits down in the grass, her head in her hands.

“You can’t trust me,” she murmurs. “ _I_ don’t trust me. I have no idea if some command is going to override the control I have and send me right back into the darkness again.”

Waverly kneels down next to her, stroking the back of her neck. “I’m not letting you go again. Do you understand me?”

“Darling,” Nicole mumbles. “Be reasonable.”

“You’re both right,” Wynonna says as she picks up the sword Nicole tossed.

“Huh?”

“Nicole is right when she says we don’t know if we can trust her. I made a rash decision with this, but she’s right. And Waverly, you’re right in that we’re not going to stand by and allow anyone else to take you away again, Nic.”

“You should’ve given up on me a long time ago,” Nicole says softly.

“I almost did,” Wynonna admits. “Waverly didn’t.”

“I’ve always known that as long as you’re still breathing, you’ll find a way back to me,” Waverly whispers.

“We should get moving. We’re almost back to the Central Haven.”

Nicole looks up at Wynonna, alarm in her eyes. “But, I…”

Wynonna raises a hand. “It’s okay. We’ll keep the bindings around your wrists, alright? You’ll be safe.”

“She doesn’t need those,” Waverly says quickly.

“Darling, we don’t know that,” Nicole murmurs.

Waverly bites her lip and doesn’t respond.

Wynonna helps Nicole to her feet and says, “There’s a change of clothes we’ve been saving for you. I want you in them before we get home.”

“I-I don’t… deserve…”

Waverly finds her voice again, jumping to her feet and sticking her finger in Nicole’s face. “Don’t you _dare_ finish that sentence, Nicole Haught.”

“Uhm… yes ma’am?”

Waverly softens immediately and strokes her fingers down Nicole’s cheek. “Darling, Gus and Ruthie are going to see you. They still think you’re dead. I don’t want their first sight of you now to be of you in…”

She trails off, but Nicole flushes, looking down at the white Cult uniform, still stained with dried blood.

“Oh,” she says simply. She rubs at her temple and briefly closes her eyes. “Uhm. Alright. Yes. I’ll change.”

 

+++

 

Nicole barely speaks as they finish the journey to the Central Haven.

She sits in the cart, staring blankly at the ceiling, fidgeting in her bright blue jerkin, black boots and gloves, and gray tunic and breeches.

“She won’t let me near her, Wynonna,” Waverly whispers as they sit at the front of the cart. “Won’t let me _touch_ her.”

“Waves, this isn’t going to be a simple process,” Wynonna murmurs in response, her hand resting on her sister’s shoulder. “You got her back by telling her your story. But she’s still in pain, baby girl. She’s confused, and struggling, and it’s not fair to expect her to be perfect all at once. Okay?”

Waverly nods and sighs, resting her head on Wynonna’s shoulder. “I just want her back,” she admits softly.

Wynonna squeezes her hand. “We both do.”

 

+++

 

They stop the cart just outside the entrance to the Central Haven.

“We don’t have to do this,” Waverly says as Wynonna secures the shackles around Nicole’s wrists. “W-We can… We can figure something else out.”

“No; we can’t.” Nicole pulls at the chain between her wrists lightly to test it. “This is the right thing to do, Waverly.”

“I don’t want to bring you home in _chains_ , Nicole.”

Nicole gives Wynonna a helpless look. Wynonna puts her arm around Waverly’s shoulders and kisses the side of her head.

“Let her do this, baby girl,” she mumbles. “Give her the strength to walk in there knowing that they won’t have anything to fear from her.”

Waverly lets out a shaky sigh and helps Nicole to her feet. She presses a soft kiss to Nicole’s cheek, and tries not to flinch when Nicole pulls away. “Okay,” she murmurs. “Let’s go.”

Wynonna and Waverly jump out of the cart first, and Nicole hears Gus and Ruthie both greet them. She closes her eyes and swallows, and then carefully gets out of the cart herself.

Ruthie notices her first, and her hand flies up to her mouth. Gus frowns at her. “What’s wrong?”

Ruthie just points.

When Gus follows the line and sees Nicole, she promptly drops the bucket of water she’s carrying, letting it roll off behind her.

“Nicole? But…” Gus’s gaze shifts to Wynonna. “How…?”

“It’s going to take some time to explain,” Wynonna says, stiffening as Gus’s eyes drift to the shackles and narrow. “We should go back to your place and sit and have a full conversation. There’s things that need to really be discussed, and- Nicole, what are you doing?”

Nicole is walking forward, seemingly ignoring her, gaze locked on Ruthie. She kneels down in front of her and bows her head.

“Ruthie Hunter,” she says, and her voice is hoarse, tired, as if she’s fully worn herself out in the trip from inside the cart to the outside of it. “As the woman who raised me, you have first claim to my life. Gus McCready, as leader of this Haven, has the second claim. I offer myself to the punishment that is fit for my crimes.”

Wynonna and Waverly exchange a startled look as Ruthie’s brow furrows through her shock. “Nicole, what are you saying?” she asks.

Nicole raises her head, and her eyes are full of grief and exhaustion. “I, Nicole Haught, have betrayed my people, betrayed you and all the Havens. I have committed arson and robbery. I have committed…” She pauses only briefly to swallow. “I have committed murder. And for these crimes, I deserve to die.”


	11. here's to the lonely

**-PRESENT DAY-**

 

The silence in outside the Central Haven is so heavy that it seems like even the animals have gone quiet.

Ruthie and Gus stare at Nicole with horror and sadness in their eyes.

“Nicole, don-” Waverly starts, but Wynonna holds her hand out and grabs her wrist.

“Wait,” Wynonna whispers.

“For _what_?”

“Just wait.”

Ruthie walks towards Nicole and stops in front of her. “What are you talking about, Nicole?” she asks, her voice quivering.

Nicole swallows, her eyes watering. “They made me… I killed…” She breaks off as her voice chokes in her throat.

Ruthie tilts her head up by the chin and takes her face in her hands. “Look at me, girl. No matter what you’ve done, it can be forgiven.”

“No; it can’t,” Nicole mumbles.

“You aren’t the one who gets to decide that, Nic.” Ruthie kisses her on the forehead. “Why don’t we all go inside and talk for a while?” She glances down at the shackles around Nicole’s wrists. “And we’ll talk about why you think those are necessary.”

Nicole breaks, pulling out of Ruthie’s grip and collapsing forward onto the ground in front of her, sobbing. Ruthie crouches down and rests a hand on her back.

“It’s going to be okay, girl,” she whispers. “You’re going to be okay.”

 

+++

 

“We really need to keep the cuffs on her while she’s _sleeping_?” Gus asks gruffly, pacing around the sitting room of her home and glaring at Wynonna and Waverly.

“She refuses to take them off,” Waverly says quietly. “She’s afraid she’ll hurt us.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Ruthie scoffs. “She would never.”

Wynonna adjusts the handle of her dagger and whispers, “She killed Curtis.”

All of the other heads in the room snap to look at her.

“Wynonna,” Waverly hisses.

“What?” Gus asks, leaning quickly against a nearby wall.

“They got into her head. Made her think she was one of their servants like she used to be.” Wynonna stares at the ground. “They made her kill Curtis, Gus.”

Gus is silent for what feels like hours, staring blankly at nothing and biting her thumb. When she finally speaks, her voice is cracked and gravelly. “No wonder that girl has so much guilt.”

Waverly looks up at her, surprise clear on her face.

“What did you expect me to say, Waverly?” Gus rasps. “Did you expect me to want to execute a girl I helped raise?”

“Well, no, but…”

“I love that girl as much as I love you and Wynonna. I _know_ her. And I know that there is no way that she would _ever_ have hurt Curtis if there was any shred of her sense in her mind. I will not blame her for that.” Gus swallows and clears her throat. “And even if I did, Curtis wouldn’t. That matters.”

“She’s going to need someone,” Ruthie says. “To get her through this. You saw what she did the moment she saw me. I’m worried that she might… Well, I’m not sure. But I don’t want her getting hurt because the guilt is too strong for anything else.”

“Please,” Waverly murmurs. “Please. Let me do it. I need… I want to be with my partner.”

“If she’s as broken as you said,” Gus warns, “she’ll need time before she can be called that, Waverly. You can’t expect too much from her.”

“I know that. But I’m the one who cracked the control on her mind. I’m not leaving her now.”

Waverly walks away, down a hallway to the room where Gus sleeps. She opens a crate and pulls out the cloak she left before their journey- the bright blue that was once Nicole’s own. She heads into the guest room in which Nicole is asleep, her shackled hands awkwardly stretched above her.

As she lays the cloak on top of Nicole’s form and sits next to her, she watches Nicole shift restlessly in her sleep.

 

+++++

 

**-ONE CYCLE AGO-**

Nicole regained consciousness strapped to the inside of a cart. “What the hell,” she mumbled. “Am I dead?”

“Nope,” another voice said from above her. “You’re just going to wish you were, traitor.”

She opened her eyes and squinted up into the face of the redhead hovering above her, garbed in dark red leather Cultist robes.

“I know you,” Nicole said. “I knew you. Somehow. I remember you vaguely from when I was a child.”

“Do you now?” the woman asked, raising an eyebrow. “I thought you had forgotten everything about your loyalty to the Almighty Father.”

Nicole squinted again. “… Mercedes? Mercedes Gardner?”

The woman kicked Nicole squarely in the ribs and hissed, “That name has no meaning to me any longer! I am a Widow of Bulshar, his servant, his witch.”

“Last time I saw you, you were a kid as scared as I was, who wanted nothing to do with him.”

Mercedes got in her face and sneered. “Well you left, didn’t you? You ran like a coward and sided with the heathens. Only the strong survived to serve Bulshar, and we serve him well. Those of us who were not weak, were not traitors, we were taught the importance of our service. If you had stayed, you would understand.”

“I don’t want to understand. I don’t want to understand any of it.” Nicole closed her eyes and shook her head. “I want to either go home or die, Mercedes.” She winced as another strike hit her ribs. “Pick one, or stop talking to me.”

“Your fate is up to Bulshar. He chose not to kill you in battle. Now _we_ have to decide what to do with you.”

Nicole scoffed. “Let’s see, who would be the graduating class from my time in hell. You, your sister, your brother, and… Robert Del Ray?”

Mercedes smirked. “Top of the class. Top of the Almighty Father’s list of favored children.” She patted Nicole on the cheek roughly, more like a slap than a pat. “You could’ve been one of us too, Nicole. It’s a shame.”

“Let me know when your ego gets big enough that it breaks your neck. I’ll wake up then,” Nicole replied.

Another strike slammed down on her ribs, and she could both feel and heard the snapping sound of bone in her chest. She cried out in pain and choked as splinters pierced her lungs and caused blood to seep into her throat.

Before it lasted long, Mercedes drew a rune onto Nicole’s hand, and she felt the ribs and her lungs stitch themselves up. As Nicole rolled onto her side to cough up blood, Mercedes laughed quietly.

“I can do this all day, heathen,” she said in a quiet hiss. “Which bone would you like to feel snap next?”

 

+++++

 

**-NINETEEN CYCLES AGO-**

 

Nicole woke up in a cold sweat, a scream still on her lips. She panted and stared at the top of the tent, clutching at the small blanket wrapped around her. Ruthie, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes a few feet away, carefully crawled over to her.

“Nic, what’s the matter?” she whispered. “What’s happening?”

“I-I didn’t… I don’t… It hurt…”

“Shh,” Ruthie soothed, brushing Nicole’s hair off of her forehead and kissed it. “It was just a dream, kiddo. You’re safe here, remember? We promised.”

“I don’t want any of you to get hurt because of me,” Nicole whimpered.

“I know. We all know that, Nic.” Ruthie continued stroking her hair softly. “You don’t have anything to worry about though, okay? You’re _ours_ now, Nicole. Nothing changes that. It doesn’t matter what you do. It doesn’t matter how much trouble you find yourself in. You’re _ours_. We’re always going to love you.”

Nicole’s brow furrowed. “But I… I’m not even yours. I don’t belong here.”

Ruthie chuckled and ruffled Nicole’s hair. “You belong here if we say you do. And we already did. You don’t need to worry about that, Nicole.”

“… Promise?”

“I promise.”

Nicole thought for a moment, frowning at the darkness. “Do you think…”

“What, Nicole?”

The little girl flushed red. “Do you think maybe you could stay with me? Just until I fall asleep, I mean.”

Ruthie smiled and kissed her forehead again. “Honey, I’m going to stay with you for as long as your little heart needs.”


	12. bones held kept

**-TEN CYCLES AGO-**

 

“How has the training been going?” Gus asked as she handed a plate across the table to Nicole.

“Good, I think,” she replied. “I can beat Wynonna, at the very least.”

Wynonna glared at her. “Distracting me while Waverly sneaks up behind me and hits me in the back of the legs is a cheap tactic.”

“All’s fair in love and war,” Nicole shot back.

“Yeah, like you’ve been in either,” Wynonna snorted.

“I-” Nicole broke off with a choking noise as, under the table, Waverly’s foot dragged up the inside of her leg.

“See, you can’t even think of an example.” Wynonna shoved a forkful of eggs into her mouth and spoke through her food. “Don’t be a jackass, Nic.”

Nicole downed her glass of water and croaked, “I don’t think I’m hungry any longer, may I be excused?”

Ruthie shrugged. “Sure. Go ahead.”

Nicole stood from the table at the exact moment that Waverly blurted out, “I’m not hungry either, can I go?”

Curtis gave a faint smirk as he took a sip of his own glass and nodded.

“Cool.” Waverly walked around the table, grabbed Nicole by the hand, and dragged her out of the room.

“You guys are dumb; breakfast is delicious,” Wynonna said, oblivious as she continued to eat.

Gus rolled her eyes and leaned in towards her husband. “You know where they’re going, right?”

Curtis snorted. “I’m no fool.”

“They’re a bit young, aren’t they?”

“We’re letting them train with weapons that could one day let them die for their people,” Curtis murmured. “If they’re old enough for that, they’re old enough for what comfort they can give each other.”

Gus gave a quiet chuckle. “You’re soft, Curtis McCready.”

He smiled at her. “Just enough, my dear. Just enough.”

 

+++++

 

**-PRESENT DAY-**

 

Nicole wakes to darkness, the sun set long ago. She’s rolled on her side, and as consciousness returns to her, she carefully sits up, her wrists still shackled together.

When her eyes adjust to the darkness, she sees Waverly, sound asleep in a chair nearby. Her gaze lands on the cloak draped over her, and her breath catches in her throat. She shoves it off of herself and onto the floor, swallowing down a gasp of pain.

She stands and, as quietly as possible, skirts past Waverly and makes her way out into the hallway, fumbling with the restraints as she goes.

She’s almost at the front door when she hears, “What are you doing, Haught?”

Behind her, sitting in a chair, exhaustion clear on her face, is Wynonna.

Nicole turns slowly to face her. “I shouldn’t have to tell you that. We’ve known each other since we were children, Wynonna. You know exactly what I’m doing.”

Wynonna stares at her, a dullness in her eyes. “We’ve known each other almost our whole lives, yes. And the Nicole I know isn’t a coward.”

“What do you expect me to do?” Nicole demands, taking a step towards her. “You can’t trust me. I can’t trust myself. For fuck’s sake, Wynonna, I killed the man who helped raise me.”

“That wasn’t your-”

“You should’ve just killed me in that cave.”

Wynonna’s jaw falls open slightly. “You… You remember that?”

Nicole’s voice is low and quiet. “Everything’s hazy from my time with them. It comes back in pieces. Nightmares. The more recent things are the clearest. Including that event, yes.”

“You shouldn’t… I shouldn’t have done that, Nicole. I should’ve had more faith in you.”

“Why?” Nicole whispers. “I’m a monster. Or maybe worse than that, the pet of monsters my parents sold me to. I was foolish, thinking I could live happily with all of you. Bulshar doesn’t let people go. I should’ve known they would take me eventually.”

Wynonna stands slowly. “You are a fool, Nicole, but not because you built yourself a life. You’re a fool if you think that we fear you. We’re afraid of what they did to you. But you’re still someone we _love_. That’s not changing.” She carefully approaches the other woman. “You’re my sister, Nicole.”

Nicole’s jaw tightens and her eyes darken. “No. And your real sister deserves so much better.”

“There isn’t much better. But even if there was, Waverly wouldn’t want it. She loves you, Nicole. She’ll never want anyone else.”

“I’m not worth that,” Nicole whispers.

Wynonna reaches up and grips the side of Nicole’s arm. “You’re wrong about that. And I’m going to do whatever possible to convince you that you get to keep your life no matter what they did to you.”

“How do I trust myself?”

“Well… maybe you don’t.” Wynonna shrugs. “Maybe you just start by trusting _us_.”

 

+++

 

Nicole is sitting in the chair Wynonna was once in when Gus wakes and starts to head into the kitchen.

“What are you doing up so early, girl?”

“I’ve been up for a while,” Nicole says softly. “I was talking to Wynonna.”

“Where is she?”

“She went in to sleep for a bit longer.” Nicole rubs at her eyes, the chain of the manacles clinking.

Gus’s eyes fell to the cuffs and hardened. “We need to have those removed.”

“But… I…”

“Listen to me, Nicole. I know that this is hard. But you can’t hate yourself forever.”

Nicole raises an eyebrow. “Can’t I?” She stands slowly. “Gus, I…” Her voice cracks. “I killed… Curtis.”

“I know, girl.” Gus’s eyes are damp. “And I know why.”

“So why can’t I hate myself for that?”

Gus steps close to her, inching back when Nicole flinches. “Would you have ever hurt Curtis, or I, or Ruthie, or Wynonna, or Waverly without Bulshar and his Cult erasing your mind?”

“No,” Nicole murmurs. “Never.”

“Then why decide that you are at fault for another’s actions forced upon you?”

“It was my hand on that sword, Gus.”

“But it wasn’t your _heart_.”

They’re silent for a moment, until Gus whispers, “Did he know it was you? At the end?”

“Yes,” Nicole rasps.

“What was… What was the last thing he said?”

Nicole swallows. _“It's okay, little one. This isn't your fault."_

Gus swallows as well, sniffling as tears start trickling down her cheeks. “Well, then. If you won’t believe us, I think you ought to at least believe him?”

Nicole rubs at her nose and gives a stiff nod. “Yeah. Yeah, I… Maybe I can start working on that.”

“Good girl.” Gus turns and starts to walk away. “And now I’m going to find the keys to those shackles. No arguments.”


	13. i know just what you're after

**-ELEVEN MOONS AGO-**

 

There was a loud thud as Waverly tumbled onto the ground, her blades skidding across the dirt. She grunted in frustration and pushed herself onto her feet, reaching up to push her ring necklace back under her tunic.

“Dammit,” she mumbled under her breath. “Dammit. _Dammit_.”

“Looks like you could use a new partner,” a voice said from behind her. “ _Training_ partner, I mean, of course.”

Waverly dove for one of her blades and spun around, pointing it at the person who snuck up on her. She didn’t lower it when she recognized Champ. “I don’t need anything.”

“C’mon, Wave, yes you do. I understand.” He gave her a sympathetic look and stepped into the training circle. “You’ve been all but useless since Haught left you. What you need to get back on your feet is someone to take care of you. _I_ can do that.”

“Nicole didn’t _leave_ ,” Waverly said, her voice hollow. “She _died_.”

“All the more reason to move on, baby,” Champ replied with a grin. “You’re all but useless, moping around like this, unable to even do a round of training motions against yourself. You just need somebody to have some fun with, take your burden away.”

Waverly slowly sheathed her knife. “How about this,” she said slowly. “You beat me in a fight, and I’ll consider your offer.”

Champ smirked. “Alright.”

“Good.” Waverly kicked him between the legs, making him buckle forward. With his head lower, she punched him in the face as she swept his legs out from underneath him. Once he had toppled over, she got down and put a knee on his chest, punching him four more times in the face. “You listen to me right now, James Hardy,” she hissed. “Nicole is going to be my partner until the day I die. I don’t care that she’s gone. She is _mine_. And you can either nurse your pride and suck up the fact that you and I are never going to happen, or you can get punched in the face every day until you drill it into your thick skull that _I don’t want you_. Understood?”

Champ wheezed quietly and nodded. “Yes.”

“Then get the hell up and leave me alone.” Waverly shifted off of Champ’s chest, not even watching as he scrambled to his feet and bolted, clutching his bleeding nose.

She rubbed her hand, bruised and bloody and throbbing with pain. She pulled the necklace out from under her shirt and stared down at the rings.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m sorry, darling. I know I shouldn’t have done that, but I…” Her voice cracked. “I can’t do this. Please come back to me.”

Waverly folded herself down on her knees, resting her forehead in the soft dirt of the training circle. “Please.”

 

+++++

 

**-PRESENT DAY-**

 

Waverly jolts awake as she almost slides off of the chair she’s sleeping in. When she looks over at the bed, she sees Nicole sitting on the edge, unshackled and holding her blue cloak in her hands.

“Hi,” Waverly whispers.

“Hey.” Nicole continues to stare down at the cloak. “Gus took the manacles off.”

“That’s okay.”

“I told her not to.”

“Well. You know Gus.”

Nicole nods and gives a low sigh. “You should have this.” She gives the cloak a little shake. “I don’t deserve it.”

Waverly stands and carefully sits next to her. “What will it take to convince you that you deserve just as much as you had before?”

“I’m going to work on it. I am. But Waverly, there was so much…” Her hands shake as she lets go of the cloak and covers her face. “I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I don’t know when I can give you what I promised you.”

“What you promised when?”

“W-When… When we committed.” Nicole chokes out a sob, still covering her face with her hands. “I owe you so much, and I… I don’t know when… _if_ … I’ll be able to give it to you.”

Waverly rubs at her eyes and turns her head away. “You’re alive,” she murmurs. “I thought you were dead. But you’re alive, and you’re _you_. That’s all I need, darling. I promise.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Waverly sets her hand on the cloak. “How about I put this away until you’re ready for it? I have faith in you. There’s no rush.”

Nicole gives a tired nod. “Yeah. Okay.”

Waverly takes the cloak and begins to carefully fold it. “I love you, Nicole Haught.”

She swears she sees a flicker of a smile at the corner of Nicole’s lips as she replies, “I know.”

 

+++

 

Ruthie sets a large plate of food in front of Nicole and gently strokes the back of her neck before heading back into the kitchen.

“You should eat, Haught,” Wynonna says, picking up a fork for her own plateful of food. “We didn’t get much while we were traveling.”

“Did you eat much while you were… there?” Waverly asks.

Nicole’s fingers tremble. “Not… really. They needed to keep my strength up for the battles, but they didn’t feel the need to spend any more supplies on me than were absolutely necessary.” She gives a soft laugh.  “At the time I didn’t really get it but now that my head is clear, the reasoning is, too.”

“We’re going to make them pay, Nicole. Now even more than ever. I won’t accept what they did to you, and I know Waverly won’t, either.” Wynonna takes a sip from her glass of water. “What I want to know is whether or not you’re willing to join us.”

There’s a long pause as Nicole takes a bite out of a roll and chews it. “Can you trust me?”

“I don’t know. But we’re a _team_. And we’re going to move forward anyway, because there’s no way we’re taking that bastard down without you.”

Nicole moves some of her food around on her plate with her fork. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay. But I… I don’t want to the claymore anymore.” Nicole swallows, her eyes closing briefly. “The feel of it in my hands just doesn’t… It reminds me too much of…”

“I understand,” Wynonna whispers.

“Bastard sword, maybe?” Waverly asks. “It would feel different from your claymore, but it wouldn’t be a completely different style for you.”

“Yeah… Yeah, I think that could work.”

Wynonna grins. “Good. Then I think we might have a shot with this.”

 

+++

 

Nicole leans against a tree, a faint smile on her face as she watches Waverly and Wynonna duel. As Wynonna flips Waverly onto her back in the dirt, she shoots Nicole a glance.

“You want a round in the pit, Haught?”

“No, thank you. I think it would be best if I avoided direct confrontations with any of you for a while. Just in case.”

Wynonna nods. “Whatever you want.”

“You don’t need to be afraid, darling,” Waverly says as she gets to her feet. “You won’t hurt us.”

“Waverly,” Nicole says, a warning tone to her voice. “Please.”

Waverly holds her hands up in surrender. “Okay; okay. I just want to make sure you’re alright.”

“I’m fine. I promise.”

“What the hell is going on?”

The three women look over as Champ storms into the training area, looking furious.

“What’s your problem?” Wynonna asks, idly wiping a smudge of dirt off of her blade.

“I just heard that _she_ was back,” Champ snarls, pointing at Nicole. “She wasn’t even dead? She was a _traitor_?”

Nicole’s face goes blank and cold, but before she can say anything, Waverly steps forward. “She was _abducted and tortured_ , you _jackass_. Nothing that happened was her fault. Come to terms with that right now, or we’re going to have problems.”

Champ sneers at her. “Why are you even defending her? You were _devastated_ when she left. Defending her honor because _‘oh but she’s dead’_. She turned you into a liar, because she just _left you_ like a _coward_.”

Waverly and Wynonna both start towards him, but they don’t even get close before Nicole has surged off of the tree and punched him square in the face, knocking him onto the ground.

“You have no idea what this past cycle has been like,” she growls quietly. “You have no idea what they made me do, nor could you even _begin_ to understand why I did it. My emotions are balanced on knifepoints right now, Champ Hardy, and I swear to you, if you don’t smarten up and leave, you’ll regret ever opening your mouth.”

Champ stands, brushing dust and dirt off of his clothes. “You’re a monster. A Cult pet just like the rest of them. Curtis should’ve killed you the day he found you.” He smirks. “Maybe then he’d still be alive.”

Wynonna steps forward, body shaking with rage, and rests the edge of her sword against Champ’s throat. “Leave. Because if you don’t, I will have no regrets about what I’ll do to you.”

Champ scoffs and turns away from her sword, stalking off into the trees.

Waverly carefully takes Nicole’s hand. “Darling,” she murmurs. “Don’t listen to him. Please.”

“I’m not,” Nicole says quietly, her voice quivering. “I-Ironically, I…” She swallows. “Hearing _him_ say it makes me angrier about it. Makes me not want to believe it.” She turns to face Waverly and Wynonna. “I know where Bulshar’s main camp is. What do you say we pay him a visit?”


	14. one breath and it'll just break it

**-PRESENT DAY-**

 

A chill runs up Ruthie’s spine when she looks up and sees Nicole standing silently in the doorway.

“You scared the hell out of me, girl,” Ruthie whispers, standing to get a glass of water.

“I’m sorry. I know this is… difficult.”

Ruthie waits to finish her drink before shaking her head. “No, honey. No, this isn’t difficult at all. Seeing you alive is the easiest thing in the world for me. It’s still just a bit… startling? Because I had just started to convince myself that you really weren’t coming back.”

“Hold on to that feeling,” Nicole murmurs as she steps into the room. “You might need it again.”

“Why?” Ruthie puts her hands on her hips. “Nicole Haught, what exactly are you thinking of doing?”

“We need to go after him. You know we do. I just can’t guarantee that we’ll win. And I’ll die before I go through that again.” Her eyes are hard, holding back tears. “I’ll kill myself before I let Bulshar pit me against the people I love again.”

Ruthie swallows and nods, stepping forward and taking Nicole’s face between her hands. “I’m not surprised. By anything you just said. But please, child, don’t give up on yourself. Don’t give up until there’s no fight left. I can’t lose you so soon after getting you back.”

“I had a lot of time to… think? When I was in Bulshar’s cell, before they stole my mind. And I knew that if I was going to die there, I wished I had told you a few things before I had left.”

“What do you mean?”

Nicole hugs Ruthie tightly. “Thank you,” she whispers. “Thank you for taking a shell of a child who nobody should’ve ever wanted and giving her somewhere safe, _someone_ safe. For making me feel like I really belonged.”

Ruthie’s grip on Nicole’s back was firm. “Oh, Nicole. You _never_ need to thank me for that.”

 

+++

 

Wynonna runs her hand down the nose of the horse standing in front of her. She kisses its snout softly before reaching down to pick up her saddle. “We need to be careful. We need precautions.”

“What do you mean?” Waverly asks, setting up a horse of her own next to her sister.

“Nicole seems normal. She does. And I believe her. But we can’t afford to relax and assume that she’ll never crack. Just… we need to be safe. Any time either of us is alone with her, we need to be prepared.”

“I refuse to lose her again, Wynonna,” Waverly murmurs. “But I understand what you mean. We don’t know all of what they did to her, and we need to be aware of that.”

Wynonna sets a hand on Waverly’s shoulder and grips it. “Can I give you some advice, Wave?”

“That’s always a scary moment for me, but sure.”

The older Earp rolls her eyes. “Shut up. Just listen, okay? You need to accept that Nicole might not be ready for you to be… Well, she’s probably not going to be your _partner_ for a while, you know? But at the same time, I don’t want you to give up on her. I want you to make sure she knows that you still love her. Because I don’t think she believes it herself.”

Waverly gives a wry smile. “So stay away but also stay close.”

“… Basically.”

Waverly tightens her saddle and brushes her hand over her horse’s neck. “I think I know how to handle that.”

 

+++

 

They set out at morning, Nicole lingering behind Wynonna and Waverly in almost complete silence.

“I’m going to scout ahead a little bit,” Wynonna says, glancing back at her. “You two stay back here, but keep moving.”

“Got it,” Waverly says, following her gaze.

Once Wynonna has disappeared further up the path, Waverly falls back next to Nicole.

“Hey,” she whispers. “How are you feeling?”

Nicole shrugs. “I’m fine.”

“Are you being honest?”

“I’m trying to be.”

They ride in silence for a few minutes, until Waverly says, “You know, I… It broke me. When you died. When I thought you did. I don’t know if I could’ve handled continuing on without finding out that you’re still alive.”

Nicole gives an awkward smile. “I’m not that great, you know. You shouldn’t waste your life relying on mine.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Nicole. I wasn’t wasting my life. _You’re_ my life.” Waverly reaches out and gently runs her hand down the back of Nicole’s arm. “I understand that it’s going to take time. That you need the space to remind yourself of what we are to each other. But I’m always going to be here, okay? You don’t need to worry about me leaving you. It’s not going to happen.”

“I don’t want to leave you, either,” Nicole admits. “I just don’t know any scenario where Bulshar lets me survive this.”

“He won’t have a choice,” Waverly replies, her voice firm. “Wynonna and I will kill him long before he ever has a chance to hurt you again. I swear that.”

“Don’t become him on my behalf.”

“We’ll never be him, Nicole. We aren’t brainwashing innocent people.” Waverly quickens her pace and waves her hand to indicate for Nicole to do the same. “We aren’t perfect, but we will _never_ be _him_.”

 

+++++

 

**-ELEVEN MOONS AGO-**

The ground was wet and cold as Waverly knelt in front of the single white rock that marked the spot where Nicole would have been buried had her body been found.

“Nicole, I can’t do this,” she sobbed, her head bowed. “I’ve tried. I’ve done so much to try, but I… I just… I can’t…” She brought her fist down hard on the rock, gasping in pain as she felt the tremors quiver through her hand. She ignored the blood trickling down from a gash in her knuckle as she murmured, “You’ve been in my life almost as long as I can remember, Nicole. You’re a part of me. And I can’t just… _move on from that_. I know everyone wants me to. I know they want me to let go. But I… I _can’t_.”

She curled further in on herself and cried, her entire body shaking. The sound prevented her from hearing the footsteps approaching behind her, and she didn’t notice Wynonna until a hand landed on her shoulder.

“Baby girl,” Wynonna whispered. “You shouldn’t be here.”

“Where else do you want me to be?” Waverly demanded, voice thick with tears. “This is where Nicole is. Except it _isn’t_. It’s just where I’d _want her to be_. I can’t even mourn her properly, because those… those… _fucking monsters_ couldn’t even leave her body for us to bury.”

Wynonna stood silently next to her for a moment, the wind circling them. She crouched down and pressed a kiss to Waverly’s shoulders. “Let’s leave.”

“What do you mean?” Waverly sniffed.

“I mean screw the havens. Screw all of this. We don’t need to be their soldiers. They can defend themselves; they do when we aren’t around. So let’s get the hell out of this place.”

It took only a moment for Waverly to nod. “Yeah,” she whispered. “Yes. Let’s just… go. I’m tired, Wynonna. I’m so tired. I can’t do this anymore.”

“Neither can I,” Wynonna admitted. “So let’s be done with it.”

 

+++++

 

**-PRESENT DAY-**

 

They travel for a few days until they reach a river halfway between the Central Haven and the North Haven. “Where do we go from here?”

“We have to go down to the bridge and cross the river,” Nicole says, looking at Wynonna. “They’re more north than the North Haven.”

“Just what I always wanted,” Waverly grumbles. “More cold.”

“I can… keep you… warm,” Nicole tries clumsily.

Waverly beams as her. “If you’d like to.”

Wynonna rolls her eyes. “You were less painful when you were twelve,” she says, but there’s no bite whatsoever to her words. She gets off her horse and removes the bag containing her tent. “We should set up here. Take a break for the night. We can’t just marathon our way there, or we won’t be able to do anybody any good.”

“I’m not sure if I can sleep,” Nicole says as she rubs at her eyes. “I can take first watch.”

“Nicole.” Waverly, already off her horse, holds her hand out to her. “Darling, you look exhausted. Please come down and at least take a break?”

She looks like she wants to argue, but after a moment she nods and slides off her horse, stumbling slightly. Waverly grabs her and holds her upright.

“More tired than you thought, huh?” Waverly teases softly.

“I don’t get much sleep,” Nicole mumbles.

Waverly reaches up and runs her hand through Nicole’s hair. “Could you try to? For me? I can stay with you?”

There’s another pause, then Nicole nods. “Yeah. Yeah, okay.”

Waverly tries not to grin as she leads Nicole over to the grass and helps her down, sitting with Nicole sprawled lying down, her head resting in Waverly’s lap.

“Just close your eyes,” Waverly murmurs. “Just close your eyes, Nicole. You’re safe here. I promise, you’re safe.”

She carefully brushes her fingers through Nicole’s hair until her partner’s eyes drift shut.

Wynonna rolls her eyes and takes Waverly’s bags off of her horse. “Don’t worry; I’ll set camp up by myself, guys.”

Waverly, paying almost complete attention to the woman sleeping in her lap, gives a distracted wave of her hand. “Yeah, Wyn, thanks.”

She misses the soft smile her sister gives her. “No problem.”


	15. do we get what we deserve

**-TEN MOONS AGO-**

 

Wynonna grabbed her sword and bolted up from her seat next to the fire, raising it at her side. “Who’s there?”

“Don’t worry,” Doc’s voice said as he stepped out from the trees. “It’s only me.”

“You can’t just sneak up on people, Henry,” Wynonna growled. She kicked Waverly’s shoulder to wake her. “And who’s that guy?”

Doc gestured at the man standing next to him. “This is Jeremy. He’s been working with me.” There was a faint twitch in his expression. “You would know that if you hadn’t disappeared.”

Jeremy gave an awkward wave, looking unsure. “Uh… Hi! I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Wynonna ignored him, narrowing her eyes at Doc. “I’m busy, Henry. I don’t have time for whatever lecture you have planned.”

“Don’t worry; I’ll make this quick. The havens can’t stand without you.”

Waverly got to her feet, rubbing her nap out of her eyes. “They can _try_.”

Wynonna set a hand on her sister’s shoulder. “Wave…”

“Do you even understand what I’ve lost?” Waverly demanded, bitterness seeping into her voice. “I _can’t_ do this anymore, Doc. The havens can get by without me and Wynonna; they just need to suck it up and _do it_.”

Doc took a step forward, irritation in his movement. “You think Nicole would want this? Would want you both to give up?”

Wynonna slapped him. “Fuck you.”

He retreated a step, startled.

“ _Fuck. You._ Nicole can’t want anything, because she’s _dead_. Because those Cult bastards _killed her_. So I just don’t give a shit anymore, Henry. You can save yourselves.” Wynonna sat back down, pulling a bottle of whiskey out of her bag. “This is our camp. Leave us be.”

“You’re making a mistake,” Doc said softly.

“Doing this to begin with was a mistake.” Waverly miserably joined her sister on the ground, staring at the roaring fire.

“Just go home, Henry,” Wynonna whispered. “Nothing can make us change our minds.”

Doc shook his head slowly and patted Jeremy on the arm as he started to head back towards the forest. “I hope for your sakes that you’re right.”

 

+++++

 

**-PRESENT DAY-**

Nicole wakes when it’s still dark.

She turns her head slightly, still resting on Waverly’s legs, and is relieved to see that the younger woman is asleep. Carefully, she sits up, listening for any disruption in Waverly’s steady breathing. She looks over to where Wynonna is keeping watch, and a faint bolt of amusement rushes through her as she realizes that the woman, exhausted from their journey so far, has dozed off sitting up.

The wind is cold as it blows over their camp, and Nicole picks up a piece of wood, adding it to the campfire. She waits for it to settle, ensuring that it will continue burning, before turning and wandering off towards the river.

 

+++++

 

**-NINE MOONS AGO-**

 

Bulshar paced around his meeting hall, kicking over tables and chairs. “I am _tired_ of hearing about those _girls_ ,” he snarled. He pointed at one of his gray-clad subordinates. “You swore to me that they would be dead by now, Robert.”

Robert Del Ray removed his mask and bowed his head. “I apologize, but we cannot seem to overpower them. They are fueled by desperation and rage, sir. Nothing can truly combat that short of finding them and stabbing them in their sleep.”

“And what’s wrong with _that_ plan?”

The other gray-clad subordinate removed his mask. “I would be _happy_ to do that, sir,” Tucker Gardner said. “We just can’t find their camps.”

“It cannot be _that_ hard for a thousand soldiers to find two women in one area of land!”

Robert and Tucker exchanged an uncomfortable glance and shrugged.

Bulshar kicked over another chair. _“Get me the girl.”_

“Which girl?” Tucker asked.

_“You know damn well which one, Gardner.”_

Tucker flushed with angry embarrassment and left the room, returning shortly with Nicole following him obediently.

“What is it you require, Almighty Father?” she asked, her voice low and respectful, her gaze unfocused.

“Gardner, Del Ray, out.”

Once both men were gone, Bulshar took out his sword and cracked the hilt of it against the side of Nicole’s head, hard enough to send her to the ground.

“Your _friends_ ,” he snarled, “are causing me _more and more problems_. And that is _your fault_.”

“I-I am sorry, my lord, but I do not understand.” Her voice lowered a bit, heavy with confusion. “I don’t have friends. I only serve to further the teachings of our ways.”

“Oh, I know you believe that,” Bulshar soothed, dragging her back to her feet by the collar of her uniform. “It’s okay, child. You just need to suffer as payment for your crimes. You understand that, don’t you?”

Nicole blinked at him, but nodded. “Yes. Of course I understand.”

Bulshar slammed her against the only table still standing. He pushed up the sleeve on her left arm, took out his dagger, and carved the only symbol he knew from the Widows into her skin.

Before Nicole could start screaming, he shoved a piece of fabric into her mouth and tossed her back onto the ground.

She writhed, the rune causing her to feel like every bone in her body was shattering and slowly rebuilding itself piece by piece. When she hit her head against the leg of the table, twice, Bulshar dragged her away from it by one of her legs before holding down her wrist with his boot and dragging his dagger through the rune to destroy it.

“Have you learned your lesson now, child?” he asked, taking the gag out of her mouth.

Nicole looked up at him, her eyes clear. She was panting, gasping for breath, but her voice was unhampered as she whispered, “Screw off.”

Bulshar pressed his boot down hard against her wrist. “ _What_ was that?”

“You won’t win,” she continued, in a tone low and rasping. “You can’t. Because you’ll never beat them. And no matter what you do to me, I’ll never kill _them_.”

“You’re…” Bulshar took a few steps back, panic clear on his face. _“Del Ray! Gardner!”_

Nicole laughed, not moving from her crumpled form on the floor. “You’re such a coward, Bulshar. Don’t worry. I’m not in any state to kill you now. But don’t worry. It’s gonna happen. Soon enough.” In the strongest voice she had managed since the rune had been broken, she said, “I _will_ kill you one day, Bulshar. I _promise_ you.”

Tucker and Robert burst into the room, weapons drawn. “Almighty Father, what’s wrong?” Tucker demanded.

Bulshar pointed at Nicole, trying not to shake. “Take that girl to the Widows, _now_! I don’t care _what_ they do to her, but they are not to stop until she is _subdued and under control_. Do you _understand me_?”

“Yes, sir.”

They dragged Nicole into a standing position, holding her limply between them, and she spit at Bulshar’s feet. With her restrained, Bulshar dared to walk up to her, and he hit her hard across the face with his sword again.

“You can fight back as much as you want, little girl,” he murmured. “It won’t stop the inevitable. I don’t care if I have to sacrifice every other foot soldier I have. You _will_ kill someone under my command.”

Nicole laughed, ignoring the line of blood trickling out of the corner of her mouth. “What did I do to make you hate me so damn much?”

Bulshar shrugged. “You escaped. You escaped, and you _lived_. No one else ever has. That makes your existence an offense to nature. So you’re going to suffer until the day you die, Nicole Haught. I can’t allow anything else.”

He waved his hand, and Robert and Tucker dragged Nicole away.

 

+++++

 

**-PRESENT DAY-**

 

Nicole tightens her hand into a fist, the scar on her left arm burning. She turns to a small sapling on the edge of the river and takes out her sword.

And swings at it, over and over and over and over, until the wood is in pieces and she’s completely exhausted, collapsed onto her knees and sobbing.

“Nicole?”

She doesn’t turn around when she hears Wynonna’s voice, frozen in place and trying to stop her crying.

Wynonna approaches her slowly, crouching next to her. “You scared me. When I woke up and you were gone, I didn’t know what to think.”

“You should’ve been relieved,” Nicole says through gritted teeth.

“I’ve told you already. We don’t give up on people that easily.”

“Why does everyone keep forgiving me?” Nicole whispers. “I killed people. I killed _Curtis_. It was all my fault, Wynonna. I should’ve just stayed with Bulshar all those years ago. I don’t _belong_ with you. I’ve always belonged to him. That’s never going to change.”

“Oh, Nicole,” Wynonna murmurs. “None of this was your fault. You aren’t a bad person for trying to live a real life, and you aren’t evil just because of how you were born. Okay?” She sets her hand on Nicole’s shoulder. “And you’re allowed to be angry. You’re allowed to be _furious_ about what’s been done to you. You don’t have to be a blank slate all the time, Nic. You’re allowed to _grieve_.”

“How can I grieve a death I caused? How am I supposed to do that?”

Wynonna hugs her, letting out a small, soft sigh when Nicole’s tightly-gripped sword falls to the ground next to them. “By blaming the true guilty party. By letting yourself feel what you _want_ to feel. By not forcing yourself to drown in self-loathing instead of trying to deal with the pain.”

Nicole sobs quietly. “It hurts so much, Wynonna. The weight of it. The memories and the guilt and the… I just… I don’t know what to _do_.”

“I don’t, either,” Wynonna admits. “But you don’t need to be okay. Just try to remember that, alright? You can’t get anywhere if you try to do that to yourself.”

She rubs Nicole’s back softly, kneeling in the dirt and holding her silently as the sun starts to rise in the distance.


	16. devil gonna follow me e'er i go

**-PRESENT DAY-**

 

Wynonna and Nicole don’t talk about it. They don’t discuss it, and they don’t tell Waverly about it.

They just… pack up camp, and move on.

It’s all they can think to do.

When they get to the bridge, they get off their horses, and Nicole surprises all of them by holding her hand out and helping Waverly down to the ground.

“Thank you,” Waverly whispers, trying not to sound to hopeful.

“You never have to thank me, Waverly,” Nicole replies. She takes her horse’s reins and leads it across the bridge.

Wynonna pats Waverly on the shoulder. “She’s coming back, baby girl. Don’t worry. She’s coming back.”

Waverly swallows as she stares at Nicole on the other side of the river, smiling as she pats her horse on the nose. “I hope so.”

 

+++++

 

**-SEVENTEEN CYCLES AGO-**

 

Nicole stood at the top of a small hill, frowning as she looked out at a rising smoke column in the distance. She gripped the hilt of the small wooden sword attached to her belt, her fingers tapping against it.

Then she tumbled down the hill as she was hit from behind.

She and her attacker rolled to a stop in the dirt at the bottom, and as Nicole snarled up at the girl above her, Wynonna smirked down at her.

“Not very ‘on-guard’, are you, Haught?”

“Get off me, Wynonna, you’re getting my clothes all dirty,” Nicole growled, shoving at the other girl’s shoulder.

“When did you get so prissy?” Wynonna asked as she stood up, ignoring the mud caked to her breeches.

Nicole got up and quickly brushed sand and dirt off of her own clothes. “Ruthie just washed everything. I don’t want her to have to do it again.” She shrugged and glanced off to the side. “I’m trying not to burden her.”

Wynonna rolled her eyes, but there was sympathy in her voice as she squeezed Nicole’s shoulder and said, “You’re not a _burden_ , you _dummy_.”

“Hm.” Nicole nodded at the smoke. “What’s that about?”

“Ah. Yeah. That’s why I was coming to get you. We need to move camp. The Cult’s too close.” Wynonna let her tone drop in volume. “That’s an attack on Henry and Jeremy’s camp. I-I… I heard that Jeremy’s mom was killed.”

“Oh.”

“… Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Nicole said, still staring off in the distance. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

 

+++++

 

**-PRESENT DAY-**

 

The air happens to get colder just as Wynonna notices that there’s something wrong with Nicole.

They’ve been traveling for three quarters of a moon, and, each day, Nicole has moved just a little bit further back, a little bit further away.

Now, she’s almost a full horse-length behind them, staring at the ground with a blank look on her face.

“We should set up camp,” Wynonna says. “It’s starting to get dark, and now that we’re getting closer and closer to the north, the nights are only going to get colder.”

“Okay,” Waverly says. “Right here?”

“Looks like there’s a clearing up ahead. Let’s stop there. And then you can go get some firewood?”

“Sure.”

Nicole says nothing, just nods to show she’s heard them and continues forward.

 

+++

 

“I’ll be back in a little while,” Waverly says. “Stay safe, okay?” She gives a weak smile and adds, “Don’t do anything stupid.”

“We won’t,” Wynonna promises.

Before she leaves, Nicole says, “Waverly?”

“Yes?”

Nicole hesitates, as if she’s suddenly unsure of what she wanted to say. She rubs the back of her neck before stammering, “Just… You know you still… matter, right? Regardless of… all of… this?”

Waverly blinks and swallows, her eyes watering. “Yes. I know.”

“Good. Just. Making sure. Y’know.” Nicole clears her throat and turns around, unpacking her bag.

Waverly raises an eyebrow at Wynonna, who shrugs.

“Okay. Well. Like I said, I’ll be back soon.”

She walks off into the trees, spinning one of her daggers in her hand. Once she’s been gone for a little while, Wynonna stops setting up her tent. “Alright, Haught. What the fuck is going on with you?”

“… Excuse me?”

“You’ve been drifting away for a while. Almost like you’re trying to get left behind, or trying to get picked off. So what’s the deal?”

“I don’t know what you’re…” Nicole sighs and shakes her head, setting aside the piece of dried meat she was eating. “Alright. Maybe I do know.”

“And?”

Nicole takes in a slow breath before meeting Wynonna’s gaze. “And I’m leaving, Wynonna.”

 

+++++

 

**-SEVENTEEN CYCLES AGO-**

 

The moon was full and high in the sky when Nicole crept out of tent she shared with Ruthie. Ruthie’s horse, tied just next to the entrance, gave a surprised snort at her.

“Shh, it’s okay,” Nicole whispered, reaching up and stroking its snout. “You’re gonna have to take care of her when I’m gone. Got it?”

The horse snorted again and mouthed at Nicole’s hair.

“Stop. I’m serious here.”

“Nic?”

Nicole froze as Wynonna stumbled out of her tent, sleepily rubbing at her eyes.

“What’re you doin’?”

There was a moment where Nicole just stood there, a hand resting on Ruthie’s horse, not looking at Wynonna.

Then she turned and sprinted out of the camp.

_“Nicole!”_

Wynonna chased her, following out of the camp and through the brambles, ignoring the cuts and the stones digging into her bare feet and defenseless skin. They got to a beach, and Wynonna got close enough to dive forward, tackling Nicole around the legs.

They tumbled to the ground, Nicole’s pack falling off her back and sliding across the ground.

“Get off of me, Wynonna! Let me go!”

“Not a chance.” Wynonna pinned her down, just enough older and bigger and angrier to combat Nicole’s struggles. “I’m bleeding, you bastard, and you’re gonna tell me why.”

“You aren’t s’posed to say that word,” Nicole grumbled.

“Yeah, well, _you’re_ not supposed to _run into the wilderness_.”

“Wasn’t running. I was _leaving_.”

Wynonna stared down at her. “No; you’re not.”

“You don’t get a say.”

“If you try to leave I’m gonna… I’m gonna… punch you.”

Nicole scoffed. “You can try. I’m leaving.”

Wynonna raised her fist and slugged Nicole across the face.

“You punch like Waverly,” Nicole mocked.

“Do not!”

“Do too!” Nicole pouted. “And I’m still leaving. The Cult keeps following us. You’ll never be safe as long as I’m here. I need to go.”

“You stupid… They want us whether you’re here or not.”

“Maybe not.”

Wynonna punched her again.

Annoyed, Nicole tried to shove her off of her. “Do you really think that’s gonna work?”

“I don’t know. If you cared, you probably woulda punched me back by now.”

Nicole worked her hand out from underneath Wynonna’s knee and hit Wynonna in the cheek.

“There. See? Now I think you care.”

“This is stupid,” Nicole grumbled.

“Almost as stupid as sneaking off in the middle of the night, by yourself, when you’re just a kid.”

“Bulshar left me alone in the woods all the time. I would’ve lived.”

Wynonna’s eyes softened. “Yeah. Maybe. You really think Wave and I would’ve?”

Nicole flushed red. “Nobody needs me that much.”

“You’re wrong about that. And I promise you, Nicole. We’ll make sure you don’t forget it.”

 

+++++

 

**-PRESENT DAY-**

“What the hell do you mean you’re _leaving_?”

“I can tell you where to go from here,” Nicole says. “It’s not hard. You can get some reinforcements from Rosita and plan a real assault, and-”

“I don’t give a damn about any of that. You aren’t going anywhere.”

Nicole shakes her head, rubbing her hands together nervously. “Wynonna. What if there’s a trigger phrase or something? What if Bulshar can take control of me if I interact with him? We can’t go in there together only to have me end up fighting against you. I’d never be able to live with myself.”

“We’ll deal with that when we get there, Nic. Right now, you need to be with your family.”

Nicole laughs. “Why? So I can be forced to kill them?”

“No. Because we love you.”

“… I just don’t see how that’s going to save me in the end, Wynonna.”

Wynonna rubs a hand over her face and draws her sword. “Okay. I’ll make you a deal. Beat me in a practice duel, and you can go whenever you want. But if I win, you’re staying, with no complaints.”

Nicole raises her hands in front of her. “Wynonna, no. I don’t want to fight you.”

“Tough shit. You aren’t going anywhere, and if you want to, the only way to do it is through me.”

“No.”

“You were less of a coward when you were eight years old.”

Nicole’s hands, still in front of her, slowly tighten into fists. “This isn’t cowardice, Wynonna.”

Her eyes are glowing with challenge, and just a little bit of fear mixed in. “Prove me wrong then. _Show me_ , Nicole. Show me that you’re still in there. That the broken emotion isn’t the only thing left.”

“The tough love approach is an interesting one to pick in this scenario, you know,” Nicole says dryly.

“Oh, I know. But is it working?”

It takes a long, quiet moment, but Nicole slowly draws her sword. “Alright,” she says softly. “Let’s do this, then.”


	17. live for the moment

**-PRESENT DAY-**

 

Wynonna and Nicole circle each other, swords at the ready, just waiting.

“One of us is going to have to do something eventually,” Wynonna jokes.

“Then do it,” Nicole says. “I’m not going to.”

“That so? What if I don’t? Are we just going to go in circles until one of us gets dizzy and passes out?”

“It’s possible.”

Wynonna snorts out a sigh and says, “Well. If we’re going to do this, let’s just do it, then.”

She rushes forward and swings her sword at Nicole’s head, forcing her to duck and dodge to the side. Nicole swipes upward, nearly slashing Wynonna across the chest, and Wynonna is forced to back off quickly.

“You’re better than this,” Wynonna mocks.

“I’m not interested in hurting you,” Nicole says through gritted teeth.

“Please. You couldn’t hurt me if you were _trying_ to. I’ve always been better.”

“Maybe in your imagination.”

“What’s this?” Wynonna swings at Nicole’s shoulder. “Sass? I thought we only had Dark And Broody Nicole now.”

Nicole blocks the blow with her own sword and stabs towards Wynonna’s foot. “I have plenty of reason to be _broody_.”

“I know. That’s why you need to talk about it and deal with it, not bury it inside and go off by yourself.” Wynonna steps out of the way.

“What’s the point?”

“What _isn’t_ the point? This is still your life, Nic. I don’t give a shit what Bulshar’s done to it. You still belong to _us_.”

Nicole lowers her sword. “How can I? After what I’ve-”

Wynonna cuts her off by taking the hilt of her sword and lightly smacking her in the side of the head. “Nope.”

“Ow! I have a point, Wynonna!”

“No, you’re talking yourself into depression circles, and I have no way of preventing it from spiraling further other than to keep telling you that you’re wrong.”

“Wynonna,” Nicole growls, frustrated.

“Nicole.”

“The safest thing for me to do-”

“Is to stay with us; I agree.”

_“Wynonna.”_

_“Nicole.”_

“Dammit, woman, listen to reason for a change!”

Wynonna smirks at her, tapping her sword against Nicole’s. “This is the only reason we’ve ever known, my friend.”

Glaring, Nicole pushes closer, kicking out at Wynonna’s knees. One of the blows lands, and, as she tumbles down, Wynonna throws her foot out and catches it behind one of Nicole’s legs.

They aren’t really sure how it happens.

But within moments, what had been a sword fight is a fistfight, the weapons forgotten and tossed aside.

“You’re such an idiot,” Wynonna snarls, landing a blow to Nicole’s chin. “You’re so convinced that you aren’t worth anything. But our lives were _destroyed_ when we thought you died.”

Nicole hits her in the stomach. “Wouldn’t that have been better than the truth? Better than me killing people? Killing Curtis?”

“No.”

Nicole stops struggling, confusion forming on her face. “What?”

“I would rather have a chance at getting you back than losing you forever. So would Waverly.”

“She’s never gonna want me back,” Nicole says quietly. “Not after everything. She can claim it. But I can sense how uncomfortable she is around me. She doesn’t want me, Wynonna.”

Wynonna’s grip on Nicole goes slack. “What are you… What are you talking about?”

“Waverly doesn’t love me anymore, Wynonna. She’s just taking pity on me.”

Before Wynonna can respond, there’s a clattering sound, wood tumbling onto hard ground.

Wynonna and Nicole look over to the edge of the trees, where Waverly is standing, a pile of firewood at her feet.

“Baby girl,” Wynonna says, standing up quickly. “We were just settling some difference, okay? It’s not a big deal.”

“I’ll deal with you later,” Waverly replies, her voice low and tense. “Nicole. Come here. Please.”

Nicole stands, her fingers trembling as she brushes dirt off of her jerkin. She walks to Waverly like she’s heading to an execution, her head bowed and her hands tensed into fists.

Waverly reaches up and slowly runs her palms along Nicole’s shoulders. “You know,” she says softly, “I’ve always loved this color on you. It makes you look like… _Nicole_. Like what Nicole is meant to be.”

“I’m sorry I’m not her,” Nicole begins, but Waverly puts a finger over her lips to silence her.

“Baby, you _are_. What would it take to convince you that I’m not imagining it?”

Nicole just shrugs, looking lost.

Waverly rests her palm against Nicole’s cheek. “Baby,” she whispers. “Look at me.” She pulls Nicole’s head up. “Look at me, Nicole.”

“Why?” Nicole asks, her eyes averted.

“Because I want to _see_ you.” Waverly sets her other hand on the other side of Nicole’s face. “I want to kiss you.”

Nicole blinks, her gaze shifting up to Waverly’s.

There’s no mistaking the hope there.

Waverly smiles weakly, running her hands down Nicole’s arms. “Look at you. Nicole Haught. I’ve been in love with you since we were children. Did you really think I’d stop loving you now?”

“I-I don’t know, Waves,” Nicole stammers, tears in her eyes. “I-I thought… I thought you…”

“Shh,” Waverly hushes, her hands going back to Nicole’s cheeks. “Shh, darling.”

She pulls Nicole down to her slowly and kisses her.

The tension in Nicole’s body eases as she relaxes into it, and Waverly traces her fingers down the back of Nicole’s neck.

Wynonna gives a small smirk as she starts to finish the tent setup. Waverly pulls back briefly before kissing Nicole again, then resting their foreheads together.

She taps a finger against the dimpled smile spreading across Nicole’s face. “There,” she murmurs. “There’s my Nicole.”

“I thought you…”

“Didn’t love you? Didn’t want you? Nicole, I’ve been afraid of pushing you into something you maybe didn’t want anymore, because of what you’d been through. I never stopped wanting you. _Ever._ ”

Nicole bows her head and breaks, crying. “I’m sorry. I-I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have doubted-”

“No. We aren’t going to do this anymore. You aren’t going to blame yourself anymore. Understand? If you feel it, fine, we’ll deal with that. You can always talk to me. But I don’t want you to say that this is your fault. That you need to apologize. Because you _don’t_ , darling.” Waverly kisses her again. “You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. You are Nicole Haught, and you fought as hard as you could.”

Waverly hugs Nicole tightly, stroking the back of her neck as Nicole sobs into her shoulder. She makes eye contact with Wynonna and says, “We might need some time alone. Just. We need to talk some more. Is that okay?”

Wynonna hits the final stake for the tent into the ground. “Why do you think I’ve been putting this thing together?” She gives Waverly a soft smile. “You go ahead and talk. I’ll finish up here. You can have all the time you need.”

Waverly nods and takes Nicole’s hand, kissing it gently. “Come here, baby. Let’s just calm down for a bit. Okay?”

Nicole gives a heavy nod, trembling, and allows her to lead her to the tent. Before they go inside, Nicole stops and glances over her shoulder. “Hey… Wynonna?”

“Yeah?”

Nicole meets her gaze steadily. “Try not to be smug about beating me in that duel, alright?”

Wynonna tries and fails not to grin. “Yeah, Haught. No promises.”


	18. got freedom on my mind

**-THIRTEEN CYCLES AGO-**

 

“I still don’t see why this is important,” Nicole mumbled as Gus sliced vegetables on the counter.

“You’ve reached the next cycle of your life, Nic,” Curtis said, patting her shoulder. “We like to honor that. It might not be a big deal, but at the very least we can make you dinner, can’t we?”

Nicole hesitated. “What kind of dinner?”

Gus glanced over her shoulder, smirking. “I’m making soup. Chowder, really.”

“… Haddock chowder?”

“Possibly.”

“So.” Nicole clapped her hands together. “What are we waiting for? Let’s honor this thirteenth cycle thing.”

Curtis laughed. “Oh, _now_ you’re eager, huh?”

“Now there’s good food.” Nicole paled. _“Not that there isn’t always good food.”_

Gus shook a spoon at her. “You’d better watch your mouth, Haught, or I’ll send you home for Ruthie’s cooking.”

“Are you expecting me to say that you’re a better cook than her, Gus? I like being alive.”

“Smart move, kid,” Curtis muttered.

Gus smacked him in the arm as Waverly stepped into the room, nervously playing with a piece of loose stitching at the bottom of her tunic.

“Girl, I’ve told you a hundred times, don’t mess with that until one of us can fix it,” Gus scolds.

“S-Sorry,” Waverly stammered. “I just wanted to borrow Nicole.”

“Go ahead and have her,” Curtis said, waving his hand. “She’s just getting in the way here.”

Nicole frowned at him.

“You’re all gangly teenager, like a puppy,” he added, grinning. He ruffled her hair, laughing as she pushed him and fought back her own smile. “Go on; get out of here before I find chores for the both of you.”

Waverly took Nicole’s hand and dragged her out of the kitchen.

 

+++

 

In her bedroom, Waverly paced back and forth at the foot of her bed.

“Waves, you’re making me dizzy,” Nicole said. “What’s the matter?”

“Nothing,” Waverly said quickly. “Nothing’s wrong, Nic, I promise. I’ve just been thinking.”

“About…?”

“That day you said you love me.”

Nicole’s heart dropped into her stomach, then both plummeted to her feet. “Oh.”

Waverly gave her a soft smile, reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind Nicole’s ear. “You look like you’re being marched to your death.”

“Kind of feels like it,” Nicole admitted. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”

“Don’t.” Waverly rested a finger against Nicole’s lips. “Don’t tell me what I’m going to say.”

“I’m sorry?”

“I told you I love you back, didn’t I?”

“Well, yes, but-”

“ _Hush_ , Nicole.” Waverly smirked and shook her head. “You haven’t been this talkative… _ever_. Do you have to start right this second?”

“I-I don’t understand,” Nicole stammered.

“Oh, for hell.” Waverly surged upward, her hand going to the back of Nicole’s neck for support as she pressed a kiss to her lips.

When it broke, Nicole whispered, _“Waverly.”_

“I meant that, Nicole. I meant it not as a friend. I know we’re too young, I know we need to figure things out, but I… I needed you to know.” Waverly stroked Nicole’s cheek. “I love you.”

Nicole laughed, resting her forehead against Waverly’s.

“What’s so funny?” Waverly demanded.

“Not you, darling. Never you.” Nicole kissed Waverly’s cheek before hugging her tightly. “I was just thinking. Maybe this sun isn’t as silly as I thought it was.”

 

+++++

 

**-PRESENT DAY-**

 

Waverly traces her finger along the lines of Nicole’s palm. “Could you tell me something? If I wanted to know?”

“I’ll tell you whatever you want,” Nicole whispers.

“Did he hurt you? Beyond what was done to force you to turn, I mean.”

Nicole hesitates, looking away, squinting as if trying to look through the material of the tent.

“I won’t force you, darling.” Waverly presses a kiss to Nicole’s knuckles. “But I’d like to know. I… I saw the scar on your arm.”

“That was from a particularly bad day,” Nicole says quietly. “He was angry. I don’t remember what about specifically, but he was _furious_.” She tightens her hand into a fist and releases it. “He carved runes into my arm so that I’d be in pain until he decided to free me from it.”

“Oh, Nicole.” Waverly pushes a strand of hair behind Nicole’s ear. “I’m sorry. If we had just looked for you…”

“… You might’ve ended up in the same bad place.” Nicole pulls off Waverly’s gloves and softly massages her palms. “This isn’t your fault, Waverly. I swear it’s not.”

Waverly frowns at her, eyes narrowing as she sees the distant look on Nicole’s face. “There’s more you aren’t telling me, though?”

Nicole sighs. “It…”

“Nic. Please.”

“It was… you and Wynonna.”

Waverly’s hands tense. “What do you mean?”

“Bulshar wasn’t content to watch me work as a mindless servant for him. That wasn’t enough punishment for abandoning his cause. So whenever you and Wynonna pissed him off, he’d…”

“Hurt you?” Waverly whispers, voice hoarse.

Nicole gives half a shrug. “Torture me.”

“Nicole,” Waverly chokes, tears flowing freely down her cheeks. “It shouldn’t have been you. It should never have been you.”

“Yes. It was always meant to be me. Don’t you see?” Nicole shifts closer, holding Waverly’s hands between hers, close to her chest. “When we committed, I swore to protect you. Devote myself to you.” She rests her forehead against Waverly’s. “Love you.” She tightens her grip on Waverly’s hands. “It had to be me. Because I would never want it to be you.”

Waverly extracts one of her hands and sets it against Nicole’s cheek. “Promise me something. Promise me you won’t leave again. That you’ll stay with me.”

“I can’t promise that Bulshar won’t kill me.”

“I don’t care.” Waverly pulls out her other hand and sets it on the other side of Nicole’s face. “Just promise me you’ll stay.”

Nicole leans back and presses a kiss to Waverly’s forehead. “I promise.”

Waverly gives a weak laugh, tears still thick in her voice. “Hell, I want you. I really, really want you.”

Nicole lifts Waverly’s chin and kisses her. “Then have me.”

Waverly’s eyes widen. “Baby… I… Are you sure?”

“As sure as I’ve ever been.” Nicole grins, her eyes glinting. “And believe me, Waverly Earp. I’ve been awfully sure for most of my life when it comes to you.”

Waverly laughs, kissing her fiercely. “I want you,” she repeats.

Nicole lays back, pulling Waverly with her. She cups Waverly’s face in her hands and tugs her down to kiss her. “I want you, too,” she whispers.

 

+++

 

_“Rise and shine, assholes!”_

Waverly groans loudly. “Go away, Wynonna.”

The tent shakes as Wynonna kicks one of the support poles. “We have to get moving. I’d come in there and get you myself, but I have a feeling you aren’t wearing clothes.”

“She heard us, didn’t she?” Nicole mumbles, her eyes still closed.

“It’s Wynonna. Our first time was in the middle of the woods, and I’m pretty sure she still heard it.” Waverly sits up, grabbing her tunic. “… What? Why are you staring at me?”

Nicole reaches out, her fingertips trailing up Waverly’s stomach. “Nothing. I just feel…”

Waverly leans down and kisses her. “Feel what?”

“Solid. For the first time in a long time.”

“I think you’re just feeling my abs.”

Nicole laughs and sits up. “We should go. Before she changes her mind and barges in.”

Waverly slides her leg over Nicole’s, straddling her hips. “She can wait a little longer.”

 

+++

 

Wynonna rolls her eyes when they finally stumble out of the tent, still in the process of adjusting their clothes. She tries and fails to keep the smile off her face as she says, “Really? _Really?_ You know tents are thin, right?”

“You’ve heard worse,” Waverly retorts, reaching up to adjust Nicole’s collar for her.

“I’ve _done_ worse,” Wynonna jokes. She pointedly waits for Nicole to put her gloves on before holding out her hand. “Hey,” she murmurs, seriousness settling back into her tone. “Are we good?”

Nicole shakes her hand and yanks her forward, hugging her. “Yeah,” she whispers. “We’re good.”

“Well. Good.” Wynonna backs off, sniffing once and rubbing at her nose with the back of her hand. “I’m still going to pummel you later for having sex with my sister.”

“We’re _committed_ , Wynonna,” Waverly protests. “And this was hardly the first time.”

“Oh, I know.” Wynonna pats Waverly on the shoulder. “That doesn’t mean I wanted to hear it.”

Waverly scoffs. “You set up the tent.”

“Yeah. I’m a fool.”

“Glad we agree,” Waverly says with a wink. She takes Nicole by the hand and pulls her over to the extinguished fire to start packing up their things.

“There’s something the two of you should know,” Nicole says as lifts a pack onto Waverly’s horse for her. “The reason… The reason why I’ve been panicking more and more.”

Wynonna buries the fire pit under a pile of dirt. “You can tell us anything.”

Nicole sighs. “That’s good. Because the North Haven is close. And after that? … After that, the Cult’s main location is only two suns’ travel away.”


	19. i knew love's perfect ache

**-PRESENT DAY-**

 

Rosita screams when she sees Nicole.

It takes her a moment, then her sword is in her hand and she’s backing away, fear on her face.

“What in hell is this?” she demands. “I see ghosts now?”

“She’s not a ghost,” Wynonna replies. “It’s… complicated.”

_“Complicated?”_

Wynonna puts an arm around Rosita’s shoulders, steering her back into the North Haven. “How about you and I discuss it while I get plenty of alcohol, and we can let Wave and Nic have some rest, okay? We’ve been traveling for a while.”

Rosita sighs heavily. “It better be the good alcohol.”

 

+++

 

“How does the real bed feel?” Waverly asks, sitting on Nicole’s hips and playing with the ties of Nicole’s jerkin.

“Better than I could possibly describe.” Nicole skims her palms up the sides of Waverly’s legs. “You feel good, too,” she murmurs.

“Oh, is that how it’s going to be, Haught?” Waverly teases, tugging on the leather.

Nicole rolls her eyes. “That’s not what I mean. Though, trust me, I don’t mind. I just…” Her voice lowers as she traces patterns against Waverly’s breeches. “I missed you. More than I even thought I did. And believe me, darling, I missed you a _lot_.”

“I missed you, too.” Waverly leans down, pressing a long, slow kiss to Nicole’s lips. “Hey. We have some time. Wanna lock ourselves in here and just have each other for a while?”

“You didn’t get much sex while I was gone, did you?”

Waverly snorts. “You’re the only one for me, darling.” She drums her fingers against Nicole’s abdomen. “And my suggestion included snuggling up together and _actually sleeping_ , thanks.”

Nicole smiles and pushes a strand of hair behind Waverly’s ear. “I figured. And I’ll take all of it. I just want to be with you while I still feel…”

“Safe?”

Nicole shakes her head. _“Whole.”_

Waverly kisses her again. “If I have my way, we’ll finish this, and you’ll never feel anything less than that ever again.”

 

+++++

 

**-ELEVEN CYCLES AGO-**

 

“H-Hey,” Nicole stammered. She shifted awkwardly in the doorway of Waverly’s room, playing with the ties of her jerkin. “How, uh… How are you?”

“I’m fine,” Waverly said slowly. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“N-No reason.” Nicole shrugged. “Can’t I check on you?”

Waverly stared at her for a moment before laughing. She crossed her room and cupped Nicole’s face in her hands. “Nic. Are you going to be this neurotic _every_ time we have sex?”

Nicole shrugged again. “… Maybe.”

“Darling,” Waverly chuckled. She rested their foreheads together. “It was amazing. Okay?”

“Are you sure, because I’m a useless clumsy kid, and I don’t know if-”

Waverly kissed her to silence her. “Nicole. It was great. And it’ll only get better the more we… _practice_ at it.”

Nicole blinked. “You… want to do it again?”

“I would _love_ to do it again.”

Nicole blinked at her again, her brain visibly freezing behind her eyes. “R-Right now?”

Waverly laughed and rested her head underneath Nicole’s chin. “Probably not when we’ll have to go to dinner right while we’re in the middle. But soon.”

“Oh. Okay.” Nicole grinned. “Okay.”

“But… do you know what we _can_ do?” Waverly asked as she maneuvered Nicole into the room and shut the door.

“… What?”

Waverly walked her backwards until she tripped and fell onto Waverly’s bed, Waverly on top of her. “We can make out a lot.”

Nicole flushed red at the same moment that her grin widened. “Yes. Yes we can.”

Waverly bit her lip. “I bet you can’t get me out of my tunic before Gus calls for us.”

“Is that a _challenge_ , Earp?”

“Sounded like one, didn’t it?”

Nicole pushed upward, flipping Waverly onto her back. “You’ll be going downstairs in your underwear when I’m done with you.”

“There’s confident Nicole.” Waverly tapped a finger against Nicole’s lips. “I was worried that you’d disappeared. I wanted to make sure.”

“Mhm. Claim your motives as you like; it won’t save you.”

“That so?”

Nicole leaned down and ran her teeth along Waverly’s throat. “Yeah,” she whispered against Waverly’s pulse. “It’s so.”

 

+++++

 

**-PRESENT DAY-**

 

“Where is it, Waverly?”

Waverly looks up in the middle of putting her boot on, frowning as Nicole pokes at Waverly’s pack. “Where’s what?”

Nicole faces her and gives a patient smile. “Wave. We both know you know what I’m talking about. And we both know you brought it.”

Once her boot is tied, Waverly stands. “Okay. Yes. I brought it. But only because I…” She shrugs. “It’s all I ever had, but now I have _you_.” She opens one of the bags, reaches into the very bottom, and pulls out Nicole’s blue cloak.

Nicole runs her fingers through the fabric. “Can you…”

“What, darling?” Waverly whispers.

“Can you help me put it on?”

Waverly brushes her palm against Nicole’s cheek and kisses her softly. “Absolutely.”

 

+++

 

“Do you want anyone to come with you?” Rosita asks as she passes supplies to Wynonna to load onto a horse. “It doesn’t have to be down to the three of you, you know.”

“It’s always been the three of us. It should end with us, too.” Wynonna drums her fingers against her dagger. “And besides. Fewer people means less sense of detection, and you’ll need to prepare yourself for any Cult members trying to head south.”

“Suit yourself, Earp. Just try not to die. It would be really awkward to explain to Ruthie and Gus.”

Wynonna snorts. “If we die, this place is next.”

“Thanks for the support.” Rosita nods towards the middle of the haven. “Looks like Waverly and Nicole are up.”

Wynonna turns, and her breath catches in her throat. “Look at you,” she murmurs.

Nicole blushes and tugs awkwardly at her cloak. “I told you she’d make a thing of it.”

“She’s not wrong, though,” Waverly says, looking Nicole up and down. “You look _good_.”

“Gross. That isn’t what I said at all.” Wynonna hugs Nicole tightly. “It’s really good to see you… _you_.”

“Well, we’ll see how _me_ I am when we’re at the Cult’s haven. I’m still a bit nervous, honestly.”

“You’ll be fine.” Wynonna pulls back and lands a soft punch to Nicole’s shoulder. “Trust me. We won’t let him take you from us again.”

Waverly takes Nicole’s hand and squeezes. “Are you ready?”

Nicole sets her jaw and nods. “I’m ready.” 


	20. strike them down to make them pay

**-PRESENT DAY-**

 

“We should stop here,” Nicole says suddenly, looking around the area with her hand on her sword.

“Everything alright?”

Nicole reaches over, linking her fingers with Waverly’s and pulling her hand up to kiss her knuckles. “Everything’s fine. We just. If we go in much further, we’ll hit their patrol routes. We need to stop here, camp for the night. We should leave the horses here tomorrow, too.”

“Good idea.” Wynonna dismounts and pats her horse’s neck. “I’ll scout around a bit and get some firewood.”

“Be careful,” Nicole says.

“I always am.”

Nicole rolls her eyes. Once Wynonna is gone, she grabs Waverly’s arm. “Can I talk to you for a moment?”

“Of course.” Waverly grins. “What is it?”

Nicole strokes the back of her hand down Waverly’s cheek. “I want to kiss you.”

Waverly chuckles softly. “You can always kiss me.”

“No, I know, but I mean...” Nicole cups Waverly’s face in her hands. “I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow. No matter what it is, I want to know that I’m always going to have one of my last memories be _you_.”

Waverly grips Nicole’s wrists and lowers her hands. “No, Nicole.”

Nicole’s brow furrows. “No?”

“Nothing is going to happen to you. Okay? We’re going to be fine.”

“Waverly, you can’t know that.”

“I do. I do know.” Waverly kisses her on the forehead. “We were torn apart once. Nothing is going to tear us apart like that again.”

“But I-”

“Shh.” Waverly taps her finger against Nicole’s lips. She takes her necklace off, spinning the ring in her hand. “You know what this is, right?”

“Of course I do,” Nicole murmurs. “How could I forget?”

Waverly slides the necklace over Nicole’s head, letting it rest against the front of her jerkin. “Wear that tomorrow. I want you to wear it, and think about how you’re going to give that back to me. And when you give it back, you’re going to kiss me like you’ve never kissed me before, and we’re going to go home.”

“Waverly, I can’t…” Nicole swallows and presses a soft kiss to Waverly’s cheek. “Okay,” she whispers. “Okay.”

 

+++++

**-ELEVEN CYCLES AGO-**

 

“What’s the plan?” Nicole whispered, crouched behind a bush.

“Jump out and attack, obviously,” Wynonna muttered in response.

“We are so good at plans.”

“Absolutely.”

Nicole nodded forward, and Wynonna nodded back. They crouched closer to the ground, tightened their grip on their weapons, and sprang forward.

“Take that, Cult scum!” Wynonna yelled in battle cry as she brought a stick down on Dolls’s shoulder.

Nicole brought her own stick into contact with Doc’s knee, and both boys yelped and tumbled out of the way.

“Dammit, Wynonna,” Dolls grumbled, rubbing his arm. “Don’t practice on _us_.”

“Why not?” Wynonna asked with a smirk.

“It seems fair enough,” Nicole said, spinning her stick in her hand. “Doc practices those rune things on _us_ all the time.”

“That was _once_ , and I apologized.”

Wynonna shared a shrug with Nicole. “Still earned it.”

Dolls exchanged a glance with Doc, and they both picked up branches of their own. “That so?” Dolls murmured.

Nicole grinned. “It’s so.”

“We’ll have to see about that, now won’t we?”

All four of them burst into loud laughter as a fight of whirling tree branches broke out among them.

 

+++++

 

**-PRESENT DAY-**

 

“ _That’s_ it? How did they even build that all the way out here without being seen?”

Nicole gives a soft, grim laugh. “Given how I remember them building their camps when I was a kid, Bulshar probably just had his people kill everyone who came anywhere near them when they were getting the supplies for it.”

Wynonna whistles quietly, staring up at the large wood and stone structure in front of them. “Didn’t bring a lot of dates back to one of these places, huh?”

“I was five, Wynonna.”

“Yeah.” Wynonna pats Nicole on the shoulder. “Lighten up, kid.”

They both tense as the brush behind them rustles and Waverly steps through in a crouch, lowering the hood of her red cloak. “Don’t stab me,” she murmurs with a grin. “How’s it looking?”

“Terrifying,” Wynonna says. “You hid the horses?”

“Yeah. You’re _sure_ they won’t patrol there?”

“I mean, I don’t remember any reason for them to. They didn’t when I… you know.”

“It’ll be fine,” Wynonna says quickly. “Let’s just plan this out, okay?”

Nicole pulls a piece of parchment out of her jerkin. “You know what I was scribbling by the fire last night?”

“I saw you doing it, but I wasn’t paying much attention to it.”

She hands Wynonna the paper. “That’s this place.”

Waverly raises an eyebrow. “A map?”

Wynonna pats Waverly on the knee. “See, we knew you weren’t the only smart one.”

“Shut up, Wynonna.”

“The point is,” Nicole says, “These two marked areas here should be avoided at all costs. They’re constantly patrolled, constantly full of Cult members. Death traps. If we snuck in back here, we likely wouldn’t run into anyone for a while as long as we kept close to the wall. The issue, though, is right here.”

She taps her finger at a t-shaped intersection, and Waverly squints at it.

“Intersection?”

“On the right is one room Bulshar is usually in all the time. On the left, the _other_ room Bulshar is usually in all the time. If we pick the wrong one, the whole plan is screwed.”

Wynonna rubs the back of her neck. “So what are you suggesting?”

Nicole sighs. “I think we need to go in two groups. You and Waverly go one way, and I’ll go another.”

“No,” Waverly says immediately. “Nicole. No way.”

“Waverly, I am not letting either of you go into that place alone. You have the map. I know it like the back of my hand, even through the fog. We cannot do one at a time. It’s too dangerous. This is the best plan.”

“Wynonna, help me out here.”

“I-I… I don’t know, Waves. Nicole has a point.”

“You can’t be seriously,” Waverly hisses.

“Baby,” Nicole says calmly. “Please. I _need_ to do this.”

Waverly’s eyes flicker to the ring around Nicole’s neck. “Okay,” she murmurs. “Alright. Let’s do this.”

 

+++

 

The entrance Nicole had indicated is as unguarded as she thought. They sneak in the back door, creeping through a dimly lit hallway with their hoods raised and their weapons gripped.

“Okay,” Nicole murmurs. “We should do this now.”

Waverly grabs her arm and leans forward, kissing her on the cheek. “Do not die. Understand?”

“I’m going to do my best, darling.”

Wynonna grips her shoulder tightly. “Seriously, Nicole. If you die, I’ll kill you.”

Nicole snorts. “Thanks, Wynonna. Love you, too.”

Wynonna holds back her smile as she tugs on the front of Nicole’s cloak. “Shut up, Haught.”

 

+++

 

Nicole opens the door to the left room slowly, peering in through the small crack. “Come on, you bastard,” she mumbles. “Where are you?”

She doesn’t see Bulshar.

She sees two Cultists in dark red leather robes.

Nicole’s grip on her sword tightens.

Good enough.

She kicks the door open at the moment when one of the Widows gets close, slashing her sword directly at her head.

The Widow ducks on instinct and goes for the sickle on her belt. Nicole kicks her in the stomach before she can, slashes her leg and arm, and stabs her in the midsection.

“I don’t want you,” Nicole growls as she takes the sickle off the Widow’s belt and tosses it aside. “I don’t care about fighting you. _Where is Bulshar?_ ”

The other Widow laughs as the one in front of Nicole collapses. She removes her mask and pushes off her hood. “Bulshar does not need to kill you. We can take care of you ourselves, heathen.”

Nicole grits her teeth. “Mercedes.” She walks towards her, wiping Beth’s blood off on her breeches. “I’m really glad that wasn’t you. Because you and I need to have some words.”

“There’s nothing left to say, traitor,” Mercedes snarls. “You’ve betrayed us all. You can’t come crawling back now. Just look at you. Back in that filthy heathen clothing.”

“I don’t want to come back. I never wanted to come back to begin with.” Nicole spins her sword in her hand. “You know, Mercedes, in a way I’m sorry. I know that none of us had any chance. Nobody here does. Loyalty is beaten into us when we’re children, and once we’re locked into this place, there’s no escaping it. The only reason I’m not you is because Curtis McCready saved me before I was entirely under Bulshar’s control. And for that, I’m sorry.”

Mercedes draws her sickle from her belt and uses a piece of chalk from her pocket to draw a symbol on the handle. “You’re going to die, Heathen Nicole. And I’m going to make sure you suffer.”

“I’ve already suffered enough for both our lifetimes.” Nicole sets herself in a combat stance. “I’m done with it, just like I’m done with all of you.”

Mercedes smirks. “You won’t be done until you’re dead.” She raises her sickle and surges towards Nicole.

 

+++

 

Wynonna and Waverly don’t wait to be cautious.

They march up to the right room, pause just long enough to nod at each other, and kick the door open.

The gray-clad Cultists turn almost in unison, drawing their weapons. “ _You!_ How did you get in here?” one of them snarls.

Wynonna shrugs. “This place is _hilariously_ unguarded.”

They break off into pairs, Wynonna and Waverly each taking one of them in a slow circle.

“If you surrender now,” one sneers at Waverly, “we can make you into the same servant we turned your committed into.”

Waverly tightens her grip on her kukri and raises one to point it at the Cultist. “How do you know who I am? What Nicole is to me?”

He snickers. “There were nights. When she was in pain and misery and crying like some pathetic infant. And on nights like that, we could hear her _beg_ for you. Sob and whine and plead for the woman she loved, caught up in the delusions of agony and what the runes were doing to her mind. It was hilarious, truthfully.”

“You’re going to pay,” Waverly whispers. “You’re going to _pay_ for what you did to her.” She swipes at him, and his blocks it with his sickle. She drives her other hand up, stabbing him under their locked blades.

He yells in frustration and pushes away from her. “You disgusting little heathen. How _dare_ you come here? How _dare_ you attack us?”

“Yeah, I dare.” Waverly slashes at his shoulder. “What of it?”

The other gray-clad Cultist kicks Wynonna and takes a swing that she dodges. “You’ll all die in here, you know.”

“Possibly,” Wynonna replies. “If we kill you and Bulshar, though, it’s worth it.”

“Why? What’s the point?”

Wynonna snorts. “ _Why?_ You’ve run rampant over this land, acting like you own it, like you’re _owed_ it. You’ve killed so many people I love. Attacked even more. My people live in constant fear because of you. My sister, my best friend, and I have _never_ had a normal life _because of you_. So we’re ending it.”

“We could’ve ruled, you know. We could kill Bulshar and rule this land, all of us. We have an army that could bring the havens to their knees if we had the three of you at our side.”

“No thanks. I don’t side with people who kill the man who raised me. Who torture my sister’s committed and my best friend. Who execute my father and sister along with anyone else who’s trying their best to survive.” Wynonna points at the Cultist with her sword. “You can screw off. I’m going to kill Bulshar with the dagger that was once my father’s, and I don’t really feel like having you in my way.”

 

+++

 

Nicole grabs Mercedes’s wrist, holding off her swing. She rests the blade of her sword against Mercedes’s throat with her other hand and says, “Don’t make this worse. Just tell me where Bulshar is.”

“You already know.”

“What?” Nicole pauses and her face falls. “Oh, no. Waverly.”

She kicks Mercedes in the knee and drives the hilt of her sword against the side of her head. She turns towards the door, kicking Beth to keep her unconscious as she bleeds.

As she steps closer to the door, a voice behind her says, “It’s funny. I’ve never taken you to be someone who spares lives.”

Nicole spins around, raising her sword, but it’s not in time as a boot comes in contact with the center of her chest. She tumbles to the ground, losing grip on her sword and mumbling a curse as it slides away. Bulshar stands over her, pressing his foot down hard on her chest.

“Well, well, well,” he says, mockery in his voice. “Doesn’t this look familiar?”


	21. i see a band of angels

**-PRESENT DAY-**

 

Waverly stumbles up against Wynonna’s back and lets out a nervous laugh. “Having fun?”

“Always. This is what we do, right?”

“Definitely.” Waverly kicks the Cultist she’s fighting between the legs and slashes at his chest. “I’m just worried about Nicole.”

Wynonna pulls Waverly with her as she dodges a stabbing motion from the Cultist in front of her. “We aren’t losing her again, baby girl. I promise.”

“You promise?”

“Without any hesitation.”

Waverly swallows and nods, and leans back more firmly against her sister. “What do you say we end these assholes together? Like it’s meant to be?”

Wynonna grins and raises her sword in front of her. “It would be an honor.”

 

+++

 

Nicole struggles hard against Bulshar, until he presses down his boot so heavily that she hears one of her ribs crack.

“I gave you a chance, heathen,” he growls. “To come home. To serve like you were born to. And you went back to _them_?”

“You never gave me a _choice_. You brainwashed me. And you never wanted me to serve you, you just wanted to punish me, to use me as a punching bag whenever Waverly and Wynonna pissed you off.”

“Of course I did. You needed to understand how bad they were for you.”

“They’re my home,” Nicole whispers. She slips a knife out of her belt and stabs it into Bulshar’s leg.

He gives a yell of pain and staggers away from her, off of her, fury in his eyes. “I was going to offer you one last chance to fulfill your birthright, heathen. Now you’re just going to die like the other heathens you brought here.”

Nicole’s position on the floor makes it too difficult for her to defend herself as Beth and Mercedes each regain consciousness and descend on her, disarming her of her knife, grabbing her by her arms, and dragging her towards Bulshar.

“They’re going to kill you,” Nicole says. “Someday, somehow, they’ll kill you. And then we’ll meet in hell, and I’ll kill you again.”

Bulshar picks up an axe as Beth and Mercedes force Nicole onto her knees. “Those fools couldn’t kill me if they-”

He doesn’t finish the sentence, because a sword goes straight through him.

“You want to try that again, asshole?” Wynonna growls as she pulls her sword back and steps away.

Mercedes and Beth hesitate, torn between heading for their weapons and keeping a grip on Nicole, and the moment’s pause earns them simultaneous stabs directly to the center of their backs by Waverly.

“ _She_ is _mine_ ,” Waverly says as she twists her kukris in deadly motions before withdrawing them. “And you _can’t have her_.”

As the Widows fall, Waverly sheathes one knife and grabs the back of Nicole’s jerkin to keep her upright. She uses the moment of Wynonna engaging the ax-wielding Bulshar in a fight to press a kiss to Nicole’s cheek.

“I said not to die, Nicole Haught.”

“I had them right where I wanted them,” Nicole protests.

“Sure you did, darling.”

A grunt of effort from Wynonna catches their attention, and Nicole moves on instinct, rushing forward and slicing her blade along the back of Bulshar’s leg.

He groans as he stumbles briefly, grabbing Mercedes’s sickle and slashing upwards, catching Wynonna across the front of her jerkin.

The symbol in chalk glows immediately, and Wynonna screams, collapsing onto the ground and twitching in pain. Nicole brings her sword down on the sickle, knocking in from Bulshar’s hands.

The fight, sword and axe, transitions from Bulshar and Wynonna to Bulshar and Nicole, as Waverly rushes to Wynonna’s side.

“My Cult was here long before you were born, and it will be here long after you are dead, heathen,” Bulshar spits, trying to cleave Nicole’s head as he swings. “You cannot kill us all.”

“I know. But as long as _you’re_ dead, I will at least be able to sleep at night.” Nicole flinches as a blow glances off her side, but the distraction of in his yell of celebration, she’s able to meet Waverly’s gaze and nod.

The three of them have trained side by side since they were children.

They know _exactly_ what to do.

Nicole drives her sword to the hilt through Bulshar’s leg and ducks as he swings at her head. Waverly bursts off of the floor, avoiding Nicole’s blade and tackling Bulshar around the waist. The injury and the force are enough, toppling him to the ground.

Waverly kneels on one of Bulshar’s arms, one kukri driven into his shoulder and another resting against his throat. Nicole stands on his other arm, weaponless, her sword still embedded in his thigh.

“Bulshar, we are the law of this land,” she says softly. “And after all of your crimes, there is only one punishment for you.”

“Nicole,” Wynonna says through gritted teeth. She takes her dagger off of her belt and tosses it, Nicole catching it by the handle easily. “Do it.”

“You won’t kill me, child,” Bulshar breathes. “You can’t do it. I know you.”

“Oh, so it’s _‘child’_ now? Not _‘heathen’_? Interesting.” Nicole crouches down, spinning the dagger between her hands. “The thing is, Bulshar? You don’t know me at all. That was always your biggest weakness.”

His eyes go dark. “I will slit your throat and use your blood to-”

The words are cut off in a choked gasp as Nicole drives the dagger into the center of his chest.

“That’s enough, Bulshar,” Nicole whispers. “That’s enough. The world has had enough.”

Wynonna summons enough strength to drag herself across the floor to them, lying next to Waverly, as the three of them watch the life leave Bulshar’s body.


	22. what you're asking for

**-TEN CYCLES AGO-**

“Why do you learn this stuff?”

Doc chuckled quietly as he traced runes around the gash in Wynonna’s shoulder. “You know my mother got sick. This magic could’ve saved her. I suppose I just feel better for knowing it.”

“Do you…”

He picked up a cloth and cleaned the now-healed gash. “Do I what?”

Wynonna stared down at her dagger, twirling it between her fingers. “Do ever think they can see us? That they know whether we’re disappointing them?”

“You aren’t disappointing your father, Wynonna.”

She snorted. “Bulshar’s still alive. The Cult is as active as ever. My family wanted this place to be free from people like him, dictators like him, and I’ve done nothing to stop him.”

Doc lowered the cloth, taking her hand in his and squeezing it. “It’s not all on you.”

“It has to be. I have to live up to the responsibility my family left for me.”

He stood, carrying his bowl of supplies away from the table. “Even if it’s the death of you?”

Wynonna shrugged. “It might be. As long as it’s not the death of my sister, I don’t care.”

“Everyone else will, Wynonna,” he murmured.

 

+++++

 

**-PRESENT DAY-**

 

Wynonna rests her head in Waverly’s lap as Waverly rests against Nicole’s shoulder.

“Any ideas on getting out of here, Haught?” Wynonna asks with a groan. “Are we going to have to fight more people?”

“To hell with them. We can kill them later.”

“Good. Because we’ve fought mobs before, but I’m not sure I can move right now.”

Nicole lays down, taking Waverly with her with a huff. “What are the options to just let them come in here and kill us?”

“Oh, we’ve reached the nihilistic sarcasm stage? Lovely.” Waverly idly smacks Nicole with the back of her hand. “We need to get up.”

“Five more minutes, baby,” Nicole mumbles.

Wynonna nods. “Let us sleep.”

Waverly rolls her eyes and stands, laughing as Nicole and Wynonna both grumble irritably. “You were both easier to handle when you were children.”

“Everything hurts,” Wynonna moans.

“It’s the rune. Mercedes put one on her weapon before Bulshar used it one you.” Nicole drags herself to her feet, a steadying hand from Waverly on her back.

“I hate these guys. I really, really hate these guys.”

Waverly and Nicole glance at each other before looking around at the rest of the room. “Well,” Waverly says, “I don’t think that’s a problem anymore.”

“Alright. It’s time to go now.” Nicole retrieves her sword, wiping the blood off of it. “We’re done here.”

 

+++

 

Nicole watches Wynonna, wavering on her horse, and the moment they reach a relatively safe spot for camping she says, “We should take a break. I’m exhausted.”

Waverly raises an eyebrow at her. “Of course, darling. We should all get some rest.”

“Could you do a quick scout around, Waverly?” Wynonna asks as she dismounts, a bit clumsily.

“Of course.” Waverly rides her horse ahead and out of sight.

Wynonna tosses her belongings onto the ground and crosses her arms as Nicole does the same. “Thank you. I know you’re only stopping because I’m slowing you down.”

Nicole shrugs. “Rune injuries hurt like hell. I know what it’s like.”

“And I appreciate that.” Wynonna punches Nicole in the face, hard. “I hope _you_ appreciate that if you ever again make a side deal with me to kill you if you get mind-wiped, I’m going to beat the hell out of you.”

Nicole checks her jaw, unconcerned. “It was for the best. Waverly couldn’t know, because she would never let me go. And you are the only person she might’ve forgiven.”

“I agreed with you because at the time I knew it was the only way to get you into that building.” Wynonna rests her hands on Nicole’s shoulders. “But you are _ours_ , Haught. You belong to us. Nobody else gets to have you. Neither of us would have ever let them take you again.”

Nicole bows her head. “You guys know I love you both, right?” she asks, her voice weak and cracking.

“Yeah, Nic, we know. We love you, too.” Wynonna slings her arm around Nicole’s shoulders. “Now, come on. We should get set up before your partner gets back. She’ll be pissed if we lounge around chatting.”

 

+++

 

Nicole and Waverly sit next to the fire, watching Wynonna sleep.

“I can’t believe it’s over,” Waverly whispers.

“It’s not _fully_ over,” Nicole points out. “There are still a lot of followers out there that I’m sure will still be just as violent without Bulshar leading them.”

“Problem for another day.”

“Absolutely.” Nicole stares at the fire, lost in it for a moment. She reaches up and pulls the ring from around her neck. “I have a request. When we get back home, I want to recommit to you. Nothing fancy. Nothing formal.” She places the necklace back around Waverly’s neck. “Just you and me and how much we love each other.”

Waverly grips the ring tightly. “I want nothing more than that, darling,” she whispers.

“Good.” Nicole grins. “Now, I believe I also owe you a kiss?”

“Several, but one main one, yes.”

“Happy to.” Nicole cups Waverly’s face in her hands and kisses her, harder and with more passion than Waverly ever remembers.

“Never stop doing that,” Waverly mumbles.

“I don’t intend to.”

Waverly grins. “Good.” She grips the collar of Nicole’s jerkin and tugs her forward.


	23. never be another one

**-PRESENT DAY-**

 

“I can’t believe you’re still alive,” Doc whispers as he greets them just outside the haven.

“Barely,” Wynonna mutters, half- sliding, half-falling off her horse.

Nicole jumps down and catches her before she stumbles and hits the ground. “Rune magic,” she says to Doc. “She’s going to need some patching up before we get back home.”

“Gladly. Come with me. Waverly, Nicole, if you would rather have some food or rest, Jeremy can set you up accordingly.”

“Will you be okay?” Waverly asks, her hand on Wynonna’s shoulder.

She nods. “Go, take a break. You both need it.”

 

+++

 

Waverly rests her head on Nicole’s collarbone, her fingers toying with the edge of her tunic. “Are you okay, darling?”

“Bulshar is dead. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“He’s been part of your life… for most of it. It’s understandable if you feel something.”

Nicole stiffens. “I don’t _mourn_ him if that’s what you’re getting at.”

“No.” Waverly kisses Nicole’s cheek. “I don’t expect you to mourn him, darling. But fighting him has been a large part of who you are. Of… Of what we are together. It would be understandable if you don’t want anything to do with any of it anymore.”

Nicole strokes her fingers through Waverly’s hair. “Are you saying you want me to step away? Break the commitment? I-I know we had just talked about recommitting, but if that isn’t what you really want, Waverly, I won’t force you to.”

“I do want it, but I thought…” Waverly shrugs. “I thought maybe you would want to break away from everything that could remind you of what they did to you.”

“Waverly you were the only thing that saved me.” Nicole rolls them, trapping Waverly underneath her with her hands supporting her weight on either side of Waverly’s head. “The only thing that kept me alive through what they did to me was the memory of you. The only thing that brought me back was remembering you. Without you and Wynonna, I would never have been able to regain what I am today.” She rests their foreheads together and sighs. “I’m not… I’m not _okay_. I don’t know if I’ll ever be the _same_. But if you can manage that, darling, I don’t want anything but to stay by your side.”

“I can do more than manage that,” Waverly whispers. “I love you, Nicole. I'll help you with anything I can.”

“Good. Because I love you, too.”

Waverly smiles and threads her fingers through Nicole’s hair. “Then stay with me?”

Nicole grins as she leans down to kiss her. “I am never going anywhere again.”

 

+++++

 

  **-NINE CYCLES AGO-**

 

“Look at you,” Ruthie said, adjusting the clasps of Nicole’s cloak. “You look so happy.”

“I am happy,” Nicole said softly. Her brow furrowed as Ruthie bowed her head, tears in her eyes. “What’s the matter? Are you okay?”

“Of course I am.” Ruthie rested her hand against Nicole’s cheek. “I was just afraid that you would never be truly happy.”

Nicole set her hand on top of Ruthie’s and grinned. “It’s not just being with Waverly. It’s all of this. It’s all of you. I’ve been happy for a long time. Waverly is going to be my partner, but you will always be the woman who raised me. Nothing can take away what you’ve done for me.”

“You’ve done more for yourself than I could have ever done for you.”

“No,” Nicole said with a shake of her head. “I would never have been able to do this without you, Gus, Curtis, Wynonna… I didn’t know what love was before I was loved, and without all of you, I never would have been able to love Waverly as much as I do.”

Ruthie leaned forward and kissed Nicole on the forehead. “I’m proud of you, little one.”

“All I’ve wanted since I was little was to make you proud,” Nicole admitted softly.

“Don’t worry. You make me proud a lot.” Ruthie gripped Nicole’s shoulders and turned her to steer her out of the building. “Now come on, little one. You have a commitment to make.”

 

+++++

 

**-PRESENT DAY-**

 

Waverly sits down next to Wynonna, watching Nicole run through a practice duel with Jeremy.

“How are you feeling?”

“Much better.” Wynonna does a test roll of her shoulder. “Doc has good hands.”

Waverly flinches. “Yeah, I don’t want to know anything about Henry’s hands, thanks.”

Wynonna bumps her good shoulder against Waverly’s. “You’ve got other hands to think about, hm?”

“Shut up.” Waverly flushes and lightly punches Wynonna’s knee.

“Come on, Wave, you can’t make me believe that you two aren’t sleeping together again. _I_ absolutely _know_ you are.”

“Of course we are. Doesn’t mean I want to talk to _you_ about it.”

“Look. As your sister and as Nicole’s best friend. All I want to know is if it’s as good as you always said it was in the BWG Era.”

“In the what?”

“The Before the White Garb Era.”

“Oh, hell.” Waverly buries her face in her hands. “We’re _laughing_ about that now? Is it not too soon?”

“Probably is, but it’s how I’m coping. Nicole thought it was funny.”

_“Please tell me you have not talked to Nicole about this.”_

“I can tell you that, but it’s not necessarily true.”

“You’re the worst.” Waverly rubs at her mouth and watches as Nicole laughs and holds out a hand to pull Jeremy to his feet. Quietly, she admits, “She _is_ different. I don’t know how to explain it to you. It still feels like her, but _different_. We’re different people now. We don’t love the same way we did, and that reflects when we’re together. Not in a bad way or a good way. Just… not the _same_ way.”

“She still loves you, though.” Wynonna lightly elbows Waverly in the side. “That’s never changed.”

“If anything, I think she loves me _more_. Just as I do her.” Waverly stands and taps Wynonna on the side of the head. “It’s why we’re going to exchange some words again when we get back to the Central Haven. We aren’t the same. But we’re still _in love_.”

 

+++

 

**-ONE MOON LATER-**

 

Waverly finishes adjusting her cloak and nervously drums on the handle of one of her kukris. “Are you sure it’s a good idea to sneak off and do this without Gus or Ruthie or any of the others? I don’t want them to kill us.”

Nicole steps into the bedroom, her own clothing set perfectly, a relaxed smile on her lips. “They’ll be fine, darling, I promise. This is just a little thing, remember? No formalities. I made Wynonna swear to it.”

“Then I suppose we had better get going, shouldn’t we?” Waverly pauses, seeing Nicole shift uncomfortably and avoid eye contact. “Hey. What’s going on?”

“I just… I was wondering if maybe you… wanted a different ring?”

Waverly’s fingers automatically go to the ring hanging around her neck. “Why?”

“Well, it’s just that, uh… I don’t have the one _you_ gave _me_ anymore. It was taken from me. And I thought maybe we should recommit with different rings?”

“That’s alright with me, but…” Waverly frowns. “I don’t have another one. Why didn’t you ask earlier?”

Nicole blushes and looks down at her feet. “I’ve been afraid of what you’d say about the one I have to offer.”

“Afraid?”

“Yes. Please, I… If you don’t want this, Waverly, tell me. I won’t be offended. I just…” She pulls out a ring made of steel and holds it out in her palm, her hand trembling. “I had the sword that Bulshar made me use melted down. And then I had it made into this. I-I know that it’s… it’s not a happy memory. But you were the only light I had in that darkness, and I thought that… I thought maybe…”

“You wanted me to have a ring that symbolized what we were leaving behind in order to start fresh. The old turned new, the dark turned light.”

Nicole shrugs, still avoiding Waverly’s gaze. “Yes.”

Waverly rests their foreheads together and gently brushes her nose against Nicole’s. “It’s perfect, darling.”

“You’re okay with it?”

“It’s _perfect_.”

Nicole beams at her. “Then let’s do this, shall we?”

Waverly kisses her. “Let’s.”

“None of that before the ceremony,” Wynonna complains as she walks in and leans against the doorway.

“We’re already committed, Wynonna,” Waverly grumbles.

“Good thing, too, because I have a suggestion of something to do before we do this redo ceremony.”

Nicole’s eyes narrow. “Which is what?”

“I noticed some Cultists not far outside of the haven. I was wondering if the two of you wanted to help me get rid of them.” Wynonna shrugs. “You know, like we used to. Together.”

Waverly and Nicole exchange a glance and both nod. “Like we still do,” Waverly says. “We just needed a bit of a break.”

“Are you sure? It can wait until-”

“We have each other,” Nicole insists, taking Waverly’s hand in hers. “And we’re a team. So let’s go do our jobs. We’re going to be fine, Wynonna.”

Wynonna grins slowly. “Alright, then.” She tightens her sword belt and takes out her dagger, briefly examining it. “Let’s go get rid of some Cultists.”

She runs out of the room with a laugh, the front door slamming behind her.

Waverly tugs on Nicole’s hand, stopping her before she can follow. “No matter what happens, Nicole Haught? If you try to sacrifice yourself for us, I will kill you myself. Do you hear me?”

Nicole grins and kisses her on the cheek. “Loud and clear, darling. Loud and clear.”

Waverly takes the ring, still in Nicole’s hand, and adds it to the necklace around her throat.

“That’s not official, you know,” Nicole says mildly as Waverly pulls her towards the door.

“Darling, I’ve been committed to you since the moment I met you. Everything else is just technicalities.”

Nicole picks her up and carries her out the door, ignoring Wynonna’s irritated snort as she waits impatiently atop her horse.

“That’s what it’s been for me, too, Waverly Earp.”

Waverly leans in to kiss her, and Wynonna throws a pebble at them, hitting Waverly in the back of the neck.

“Cut it out and get ready for work.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Waverly and Nicole reply simultaneously, their voices heavy with sarcasm.

Nicole helps Waverly up onto her horse before getting onto her own.

“Where to, Wynonna?” Waverly asks.

“Well, baby girl, I think we’re going to go fight some bad guys.” Wynonna looks at Nicole. “Do you think we’re the good guys, Nic?”

Nicole shrugs. “Probably not, but we’re probably not going to hell with those bastards, either.”

Wynonna grins at her. “That’s the right answer, my friend. Welcome back.”

“Never left,” Nicole jokes.

Waverly starts them off, heading towards the path out of the haven, Nicole riding between Waverly and Wynonna. “And you never will as long as we’re here.”


End file.
